when the leech gets bored

I (fm 23) have been cheating on my boyfriend (m29) ever since month anniversary. We have been together for two years now and he’s honestly an amazing guy. Literally PERFECT on paper and in person. He always calls and texts me every time he’s changing his plans. Tells me he loves me every morning and night. He has taken me out of the country multiple times with a dm without his family and he’s paid for everything. He’s met my family and spent holidays and events with us and it’s perfect when I’m with him but when I’m not, I tend to wander.

Most of my friends like me with him and say that we’re goals but one of my close friends thinks otherwise. She says since I has so much going for me, I can so ten times better and that since I’m dating such a sensitive guy, he’s probably take me back. I think that’s when I started cheating.

The first guy (mark) I cheated on him with was at our three month mark. It was with a guy I was casually hooking up with before I met my bf (we’ll call him Sam). I slept him twice in a two week radius. Sex was okay but This guy came quickly so I stopped seeing him.

I went 11 months being faithful to My bf until I met this older man who had a wife and two kids (we’ll call him Patrick). For 4 months, he and I saw each other 2-3 times a month at a hotel near his job. He was very well endowed but could never get me to finish but I was okay with then I guess since made it worth my while. Yes he gave me money after every encounter but I just loved the excitement that came along with meeting him every time.

While seeing Patrick, he made me realize that it was easier to sleep with married men since they know boundaries and can keep secrets so three months in, I created a SeekingArrangement profile. I met this lawyer who I started seeing on the weeks I didn’t see Patrick. After a while it got boring and they both were becoming attached so I quit cold turkey.

A couple months went and Mark texted me out the blue while I was with my boyfriend Sam. Sam saw the texts between me and Mark and went through my phone. I had deleted most of my texts with Mark but there were some flirtatious text I had forgotten about. Sam continued to go through my phone but did not find anything because I have always deleted messages after I finish my encounters. For the next three days following that we were on some rocky terms and due to the fact that the woman he previously dated before me cheated on him so he has a lot of trust issues.

I really want to stop cheating on him but he just seems to be that every time we go a long period of time without seeing each other I get the urge to flirt with other men. We’re moving in together soon and I hope I will have stopped by then. It’s been a little over 6 months since I’ve cheated on him.

YES I KNOW YOU PROBABLY THINK IM A SHITTY PERSON AND I WILL NOT TRY TO JUSTIFY IT. All i know is all those encounters weren’t the small satisfaction that I had at the time.

Update: i broke up with him.