The 10 Stages of a Cheating Wife (Straight from the horse's mouth)

Stage 1: Non-adulterer: this stage is characterized by profound puzzlement at the decisions of fellow man. Often can be heard verbalizing, "What were they thinking?", "How could they do that?", "I could never do that." At this stage adultery is a dirty word. Not even a verb in the vocabulary. As they know, for a fact, they will never do it.

Stage 2: Down the Rabbit Hole: this stage is characterized by curiosity. Someone they've known, trusted, respected has made a horrible mistake. What drove them to that? Why did they do it? An introspective time. Still the doubt of they, themselves, committing the same mistake is strong. It can't happen, I will protect against those thoughts. Button down the hatches.

Stage 3: Clarity: this stage is characterized by understanding. Comprehension of the choices made. Why they did it. What drove them to find another's arms. There are still no active plans for committing the act but you now understand the motive.

Stage 4: What if: this stage is characterized by a frustration regarding the primary relationship. Lack of intimacy, physical or emotional, leads to the what ifs. You are already aware of some of the whys, but now your life is mimicking theirs. You feel the distance, the silence. You long for connection. You're trying to fix thing, seeking therapy, time together, a resolution for the issues you're facing. Nothing is helping though, nothing is healing those wounds. So the doubt creeps in...what if this isn't it? What if I can find happiness or acceptance in another's arms? Which leads to...

Stage 5: The first toe: you've dipped in. The water is warm, perfect. Like a hot tub on a cool autumn evening. Welcoming. The banter is quick, you're surprised at how easily the wit returns. You thought you lost that person. You're desired, your inbox flooded. Flooded with...oh god...ohhh my god...oh myyyy...

Stage 6: The Leap: this stage is characterized by action. You've found a connection. Someone who sings to soothe the pain in your soul. You feel light and terrified. You agree to meet. You're anxious. You've been with one person for such a long time...it's just coffee...a quick meet...a test if the chemistry is real. If the banter translates in life. It DOES!

Stage 7: NRE: this stage is characterized by butterflies. Those adolescent beasts have returned. Your stomach is in the most delicious of knots. You await texts with bated breath. The kisses, they're unlike any kiss you've experienced before and they leave you trembling. The sex is perfect. Hot. You walk in to the hotel and your lover waste no time pushing your back against the door, his hands on your face cradling your cheeks as his lips ravish yours. Suddenly his hands are fumbling, he needs to feel your wetness and you NEED to taste him. It's the most intoxicated you will ever feel but no alcohol will touch your lips. But all NRE fades....

Stage 8/9: The Fade: this stage is characterized by one or both partners losing interest. Sometimes it's an involuntary loss, because of confusion and miscommunication between partners. It's uncomfortable, one seems to be texting less and to not appear needy the other partner follows suit. It's short, these relationships are short- is the refrain reverberating in your mind. They can't last forever. This stage coincides with a secondary stage. Doubt. Doubt is exactly that. A reflection on one's actions and motives. Is what I have a real reflection of the person I'm with. Can I have this once again with my spouse? Who have I become? What do I want out of life? What are my plans? I was once Stage 1. Now I see those at Stage 1 in a different light, but it's there a niggling thought in the back of your mind, one you can no longer silence.

Stage 10: Decisions: this stage is defined by a decision. Do I continue or do I stop? You have two parties here (maybe more, this isn't exactly a scientific treatise) those that continue and those that don't. Firstly, for those that continue this stage will mean a visit back to stage 6. Wiser, though. More in tune with needs and desires. More able to verbalize what they are looking for. The ads are succinct, the information presented in a manner to avoid some of the confusion, cut down on the "oh mys." They are selective in their attentions. Aware that chemistry not found on paper will not materialize in life. You know these are short, NSA, FWB, long, love, an exit, another soulmate, whatever you've decided on looking for. You are stronger, more confident in your decisions, wiser.

For those that don't, it's time to resume normal programming. You try to forget, you throw yourself into activities, try to forget the passion, the energy. You realize that you do love your spouse and this temporary loss of insanity will be a blip on your life. One you can't erase or forget but you will not mention again. You have forever ensconced yourself in Stage 3. You become a soundboard for young couples. Maybe you hint at your own transgressions, maybe you simply say, "I have lived, listen." Keeping your experiences vague. You had a taste of passion, you will subsist on those moments forever.

And those folks, are the 10 stages of adultery. I don't think the list is all-inclusive, there are other stages but these are written from personal knowledge of a journey through adultery. Maybe there is an 11 and I just haven't reached it yet.