The other night I was out with some friends from work having a good time. At one point we were talking about 2 of the women who work at the apartments we live at. What makes is unique is that we live in Japan and these 2 women know English quite well so if we have any questions we can always ask them. Me and 2 others live in the building and there are times we have talked about which one we think is more attractive. I find the younger one, Keiko, more attractive as she is my type and I have made some humorous comments about wanting to date her, but the other night started to talk about it in a more serious way since one friend that lives there said there shouldn't be any problem with Keiko dating people that live in the building as long as they don't get special treatment. So anyway shortly after that my other friend pulls me aside when I went to go get some more food and we weren't near everyone else. He tells me he is sorry to say this and he doesn't want to hurt me, but he has been dating Keiko. He said he didn't say anything before because he didn't realize dating her was actually something I was seriously thinking about until 10 minutes ago.

I told him I understood and thanked him for telling me. Of course I was upset and had to hold it in since we were at diner despite something like this has happened multiple times before in my life. I am into a woman and either someone I know ends up dating her or trying to date her while ignoring me or I find out she has a boyfriend after I started liking her and think of a plan to get to know her enough to ask her out. By the time I got back home I was able to let it all out. Despite all the crying, anger, pacing, and depression I felt I couldn't be mad at my friend. First of all he was the only friend to ever tell me he was dating a woman I liked because he felt I should know so that way I wouldn't find out later, he took me aside to make sure others wouldn't hear, and he asked if I was ok. Also while I did actually want to ask her out and would have wanted to date Keiko I never sounded that serious in front of my friends because 1. I was not sure if she could date tenants and 2. I don't have the game, looks, or skills to just ask a woman out just because I like her. If I was going to ask her out I felt I would need to know her for another 6 months at least. And to my friends credit he is taller then me, better looking then me, has more hair, and much better game.

I told my self I do not want to lose a friend over a woman, especially a woman who even if I dated her it could have turned out we had nothing in common in the long run or we might just not have been compatible in the first place. One could say he should have asked me first if I really was considering dating when I would make jokes about asking her out all the time, but then again you can also say because I never made it sound to serious it is my fault. I was able to work out today so I felt better for awhile, but then I did not get angry again like last night just upset and depressed about the situation. I know I can't do anything about the situation and being depressed about it isn't going to help either, but it was such a hard hitting moment that happened last night while having a good time. I think the thing that really is making me upset is that he isn't looking for anything serious yet I am. So if they keep dating he will most likely eventually break up with her and move on to someone else and I will be stuck wondering what could have been. If I also wasn't looking for anything serious then it would just have been a potential easy casual sex for 6-months to a year lost.

So what does everyone think? Was that shitty of him to do or just a unfortunate series of events? Any advice, thoughts, or personal experience would be appreciated. I am sure some of you have had something similar happen to you.