This. Read the comments. Be aware if it’s always someone else’s fault...

To the piece of shit who took my virginity right after I turned 17:

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As if you wanted to wait until I was 17. No, no, you and your friends all placed bets on who would be first to have sex with me. And because I had a very negative relationship with my parents, my self esteem was shit, and I mistook your disgusting disregard for me as a person as attraction and love.

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We met when I had just turned 15, but you liked me because I looked 13. You knew exactly what to say to get me to lock on. Then, when you found out I wouldn't just have sex with you because for some reason I had enough willpower to know I wasn't ready, you punished me by having sex with 3 other 15 year old girls. You pit us all against each other, and reaped the benefits of our desire to prove we were worthy of you.

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Meanwhile, you were 23, 24, 25 years old. Your mommy sent you money cuz you couldn't even work a fucking job. You're a "rapper" but you ran out of breath before you could finish lyrics. You had to record each line separately but you knew we wouldn't tell because you ruined our reputations with our social circles to protect yourself.

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I remember when we went on a "date" when I was 17...we had just had sex for the first time. I had finally let you take my virginity, naively thinking it would somehow turn our toxic abusive nightmare into a healthy relationship. I took you to see a community play that some of my friends were in...including a 12 year old girl.

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You tried to convince me to set you up with her...you tried to make me lure a child to you to have sex with. While I was too weak, foolish, and insecure to see what was right in front of me, I at least knew that was disgusting, and I told her to stay away from you. But I hated myself so much I stayed with you.

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So you cheated on me with a pregnant 18 year old...yeah, that's another one of your fetishes. Pregnant women. You only told me because you got an STD from her. Luckily, the universe wanted to cut me a break and I didn't get it.

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You fucked me up real good, buddy. You really nailed it. You fucked up those other girls too. One of them is 32 years old now and too afraid to leave her house. I remember holding her head in my lap when she was 20, she would cry and say it was her fault you were a bad person...she was 16 and you were 20 when you met. The other one is dead because she kept getting into disgusting relationships with pieces of shit like you.

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And you? Well, you still couldn't manage to be a fucking grown up at 35. So your mommy shipped you back home to Mexico. You found a 20-something year old there who would dress up like a little girl and talk like a child for you (you filmed it and put it online...gross), and she didn't speak english so you weren't afraid she'd find out who you are from anyone else.

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That's the last I know of you. You blocked me online after you tried to contact me when I was 22. I was willing to speak with you until you started sending messages to my boyfriend telling him he was better off without me. Usually that worked for you when I was a teenager because I only dated scum like you. But I was dating a REAL adult this time. So you just looked like a fucking weirdo.

That pissed you off, so you started trying to humiliate me publicly online. My friends came down on you and mocked you and confronted you for the pedo piece of shit you are. That's why you blocked me.

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I only wish I could talk to you one more time. I only need one conversation. I'd tell you how one girl is dead and it's your fault (it is. don't ever think otherwise. you made her think she wasn't worthy of anyone but a guy like you, and he killed her. Of course it's his fault, but it's yours too). I'd tell you I've been keeping tabs on you online and the minute I see you with any underage girls in any pictures I will be alerting local authorities. But most of all, I'd tell you you're a piece of shit. A malignant tumor. The world would be better off with you dead and gone.

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I am so so happy in my life. I thought being happy meant I'd forgive the people who hurt me in the past, but actually being happy helped me see how much you hurt me as a teenager. And because I'm happy, knowing you have done and are probably still doing that to other teenagers makes me sick.

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You thought you'd be a famous rapper now. Instead, you're a pathetic loser making background music for failing youtube channels. I wish you weren't even getting THOSE projects. I wish you were just sitting in a basement alone waiting for death.

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I hate you. Every girl who has ever been abused by you and healed from it hates you. But I'm also happy, because I'll always be more than you. What you did will not define me.

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Shove your shitty music up your ass, you worthless child rapist.

Edit: thank you all for your kind words and support. It means the world to me to feel so validated. I only wish I’d gotten this off my chest sooner, it feels good to get this out in the open. I hope all of you feel as happy and loved as I do now. And anyone reading this who isn’t feeling happy or loved, please feel free to reach out to me. If you need an ear, I am here. Thanks again everyone!!

Edit 2: many of you are questioning my validity because of posts I made in /r/raisedbynarcissists. My narcs lurk in that forum, so I tweak the story enough to prevent them from connecting it to me. That’s also why I hide my posts so they can’t immediately locate what I say. I was honest about my background in this post because I know they don’t go to this forum. This account is used as my “therapy” account because I have it a random name that my narcs wouldn’t assume immediately is me. They have always stalked me online. I understand that people make stuff up but please be careful before assuming that’s what’s happening. People who have been abused often protect themselves from their abusers by hiding from them. I’m in a better place now but if I’d been accused of lying 5 years ago I may have gone to blaming myself and allowing the toxic relationships to continue.