For my part? One thing i always "lacked" through my early years? I worked on my body, my mind, my values and ethics... my work ethic... everything i could think of. SOMEthing was missing, though. I couldn't put my finger on it...

I did know, however? I always KEPT a girlfriend. THEY always eventually left ME. One day, i realized I had never ever dumped a girl before. Closest I had ever come? was not going past a first date, or, turning down a "free one" because i didnt like the girl.

Several years back? my "keeper" became my "ex". Looking BACK on it? It was the single most defining moment, the final brick that put it all into place, without me realizing it at the time.

You see, I was going through one of those "rough patches" life throws at you. Hey, it happens. I had learned by experience? You just keep your head down, keep your shit, and "just dont lose it"... you can always pull through.

My DAD was beginning to d-i-e. As the only one of 4 brothers living in this state? I had to take care of him and mom as best i could help out. My CAREER managing the place i worked at? SLowly dying a slow death, the competition was "slowly winning" the war of attrition.

So? my time was under more scarcity. My WORK needed me more than ever? Because rats were fleeing the sinking ship. My ETHICS won't allow me to give up. You go down with the ship, you go down swinging? But, you show LOYALTY. I had to work 6 and 7 days a week, for less money than ever. *whatever*. My nights? and days before work? taken up by helping out mom and dad. Again? *whatever*. ETHICS being tested.

I dont believe in "looking out for number one", because its the easy way out. That career? gave me a lot of GOOD YEARS, i won't abandon it. I'm the manager? I'm the captain, i am expected to go down with the ship. I personally kept the shop open an extra 2 years, easy. I did my part? So... mom and dad could slowly die in their own house, like they wanted. With family around, not being ignored by strangers.

CUPCAKE did not like this. I get yet nor more "little kid, whiny, spoiled brat" call? YOU all know the kind of call I am talking about. "me me me... wahhhh."

Here's how this went...

1) HEATHER at work (not her real name, whatever, lol) HEATHER was getting a "real wood floor" in HER house, why couldn't CUPCAKE have one? "real" as in... big slabs of raw wood? hand cut, finished, installed and stained. A CRAFTSMANSHIP from tree to high end floor. Cupcake is jugely JEALOUS, why doesnt cupcake "deserve" such? (I am highly stressed? and irritated. I kept my cool.)

2) I explained, for the umpteenth time? the new strains on my time, and money, and the business failing. I remindd her of when HER dad was dying? it was all "her her her" and "wahhhhh" calls? I had to put her back together every other night. (emotional tampon, you guys taught me to call it. whatever, i'm a man, i got this, you know?) This was MY TURN to "disappear" until DAD and BUSINESS were "both dead".

3) keeps on WHINING, like an honest to god 6 year old pitching a FIT. I drag it out of her? "some guy" was coming to LIVE WITH this divorced lady, and do this for her... couldnt I learn to do this, for HER? (hey, maybe after all this shit is over)

4) THEN I gotta drag it out of her? "this guy" is not her "boyfriend", this is "their arrangement" and he's staying there. since hes out of work for 6 months, he can do this for her, he lives there for free doing the work. (bear with me, its getting GOOD)

5) I cant "understand" this guys motivation? is she SLEEPING with thie random guy off the internet. "yeah.... duh!" cupcake laughs at me.

6) I had absolutely HAD IT... I kept my cool? just said "well? your friend is a WHORE. She is FUCKING some random guy on the internet? for a 7 or 10 thousand dollar FLOOR. She's an expensive whore? But, shes a WHORE."

7) "why dont i deserve a floor, wahhhhhh"

8) "well honey? my advice to you? when the asshole is done doing HER floor? Its obvious you should start fucking HIM, and then YOU can have the special floor, too. I dont have the time now, you cant wait, i dont have the money to just buy it. Go and fuck the guy when he's done? You have my blessing."

9) when it became OBVIOUS, i was being too quiet, and too pissed? She starts trying to hamstering as much as possible, without backing off the wahhhh-floor shit... I just said:

"Listen. STAR WARS logic? Who is more of a whore? The woman whoring for the floor? Or the bitch at the next desk over, jealous of the whore? Hm? Listen to me very closely, hun... remember a few years back i changed jobs? with no warning? it opened my eyes... I dont need anything, and anyone. I can replace ANYTHING. Am i making myself perfectly clear? Huh?"

10) cupcake gets VERY quiet, this isnt like me... she hamstered quietly, i didnt listen... i hung up. Called back? i just shut the phone off.

11) went out after work? got drunk. YEAH, got a goddamned DUI... *whatever* it happens... not the end of the world.

12) I am "missing" for a week? I am trapped in a county jail somewhere far, "they" have my phone, they have my paycheck i cashed! I am not allowed to get numbers off my pwn phone, and cant self-bail with my OWN money i went to county with! I'm stuck!

13) friends finally FIND ME, and come get me. For a week or two? I am himming and hawing, putting off calling cupcake, i know i am gonna get a LECTURE from hell... so? i put it off, i am waiting.

14) I suddenly realized? why is my phone not blowing up? She was contacted to see why i am missing?!?! wheres the concern? am i alive? *nothing* no concern for SHIT, beyond why she cant get a goddamned rich mans floor.

15) I decided? to WAIT it out. SEE how long it TOOK... for HER to call ME. After 6 months? I knew the truth... but, i was turning down better looking pussy than HER, because i was seeing what would happen? Turned into a year?

16) I started LIKING it. I found some video by "some SANDman guy..." ha ha ha.

17) its been several YEARS or more now. I never once looked her up. I never got a call. Someone said they "think" she got married. I just laughed... "someone elses problem now... I dont WANT a girl..."

18) I honestly? I completely "bypassed" the whole "red pill rage" thingy... i was already disillusioned for years. As said in FIGHT CLUB MOVIE?? " it was already on the tip of all our tongues? we just put a NAME on it."

But, that was the MOMENT, when those words came out of my mouth, and i shut the phone off... fuck this, jealous of a professional "divorcee" honest to god fucking for a FLOOR. And my little church raised cupcake was openly JEALOUS of this setup?? What in the FUCK has my sweet little farm raised cupcake turned INTO, out in the city? year by year? answer: just another AWALT.

since this all passed? I have turned DOWN better looking pussy than i usually could have ever gotten before. I just LAUGH and walk away. I am surely available for SEX, no problem... but any kind of dating? Not if it ain't going dutch i dont, LMAO... You want ME? fine... but i aint paying for shit...