Throwaway due not being able to currently tell people around me about following MGTOW, hopefully that'll change in the future.

Gonna be a bit of a long one. So, general context. I'm 22 years old, living in Ireland. I'd like to say I'm doing reasonably well for myself so far, always tried to focus on bettering myself and my goals and aspirations. I'm currently doing a masters in mechanical engineering in one of the top colleges in the country, and have quite a good bit of work experience in many different fields, from courier work all the way to an engineering firm. I have zero debt, a motorcycle that is fully paid for that I adore, and working on goals and objectives for where I want to be. I go to the gym regularly and am reasonably fit.

One reason that has maybe helped me get through this is the fact, despite not having any particularly bad female stories around me, I've just.....never cared that much about the whole thing. While guys I know were running around trying to get girls, I just focused on my studies, my fitness and driving my bike and seeing beautiful places. So what that has led to is that I have never been in a relationship, nor have I ever had sex. I know society has conditioned to me to feel bad about this, and obviously it does bother me a bit, but genuinely not as much as one would think. I just left it and told myself we'll see how life goes.

I have had a few experiences with girls here and there, but they never really went anywhere. That could partly be to the fact that I have no patience for the games that everyone wants to play these days, whether with what to text, when to reply, subtle hints and flirting and signs, I just don't get any of it. I've been raised to be straight and honest, and that's how I've always been. I don't hurt people, but I say what needs to be said, and if I like a girl after meeting her a few times I say it, and that obviously has scared them off, but I don't creep or simp, I tell them I respect their decision and go back to what I'm doing.

My problem happened yesterday. A couple of weeks ago, my friend introduced me to one of his friends while we were on a motorcycle trip together. His friend (the girl in question) instantly caught my eye as she was quite cute, but I try and never let that phase me or change how I act around anyone, and it didn't. On the way back to town she asked if she could ride with me on my bike instead of my friends, and I obliged because she lived quite close to my house and I dropped her off, said goodbye and left. Following this, she added me on social media and made small talk, and so did I. She seemed nice enough but nothing serious in anyway.

What I found after was that getting to me through motorcycling was my weakness that I'd never experienced before. This girl was a biker girl which instantly made me attracted to her since motorcycling is my hobby and I love talking to anyone about them, and since her bike was in a workshop she asked me if we could go somewhere on a road trip, I did because that's I enjoy doing. It was a great day, and I found myself asking her on another one the following week, which she joined me on, and then went for dinner afterwards where she was great company, and what really surprised me was she totally insisted on paying for the dinner since Id taken her on the trip, and wouldn't take no for an answer. This surprised me a lot as Id never experienced it before.

Yesterday, we went on another trip together, and had been talking for a good while and seen each other a bunch of times at this point, and she had begun flirting with me with touches, letting me touch her, sending me pictures of herself etc... I have to say that since Ive never been with anyone, I completely fell for it and I feel ashamed to have done so. We went out, and right out there at one of the most beautiful places on the Southern tip of Ireland, I was honest and told her I liked her, and kind of almost expected it to be guaranteed seeing all the previous signs she was putting out.

Instantly, she dried up, told me she needed to think about it and its best to head home. I drive us all the way back home, and she sends me after that she purely saw me as a friend and nothing more, and that she doesn't think I would ever be able to keep up with her anyway, was pretty demeaning and a side I hadn't experienced before from her. I've had failings before but they've never bothered me like this and I cant get her out of my mind, and now the whole situation of having never been with anyone is starting to eat at my brain as well and I cant focus on other things. If anyone can provide me with any insight or help to just snap out of this, I'd greatly appreciate it.

Sorry for the extremely long post and thanks for reading.

TLDR: 22 year old virgin, doing well for myself because I've solely focused on myself so far and not on women. Met a girl that clicked with me in all the right ways and tempted to the point of losing my head, then rejected me and was demeaning. Now cant get the idea of my lack of relationships and virginity out of my head, nor her, despite never caring about it before, and its bothering me to no end. Need a little slap, insight or wake up call if anyone can provide it.