For my friends protection I’m just going to say his name was Jim.

Today is the anniversary of the death of my best friend, Jim. Last summer he and his girlfriend were looking for jobs. I recommend to them that they apply to where I worked, I could use the company anyway. Both applied and both were hired. I trained both of them and got to know his girlfriend for the first time. After work, we would all go to the gym and workout together. I got to know his girlfriend a little more and she seemed like a good person at the time. I noticed that she had been calling out of work for a little bit but didn’t really say anything because it wasn’t my place. The gym was Jim’s place of meditation, where he could work off all his stress, so it was odd to me when he started to bail on the gym over the timespan of a couple days. I talked to him in work and asked him if everything was on but of course he didn’t want to open up just yet. After a few days, I asked another friend, Carl, if he had talked to Jim about anything in a while. He said he hadn’t heard of anything, yet still I noticed the strange behavior.

Carl and I continued to ask Jim to go to the gym with us but with no success. He invited us to hangout for his birthday and he was only 20 when I was 21 so I bought him some beer and brought it to his place and we drank and played smash bros all night with a bunch of friends. I noticed his girlfriend was very distant which was not like her, especially at a party like this. The next day I got a call from Jim. He was clearly very upset. He explained to me that his girlfriend had told him she was raped! I was shocked and began to ask questions:

Me: “When did this happen? Where was she? Does she know who did it? Did she go to the police?” Jim: “Yesterday! She was at this guys house just hanging out when he came out of the bathroom with a condom on and undressed her! She didn’t go to the police though.” Me: “Wait what? She didn’t fight back or anything? Did she just let him undress her? Why was she there? Something sounds fishy here dude.” Jim: “She said she was stunned and just didn’t know what to do. It was some guy who works at the gym. They were hanging out because he said he could get her a job. He wanted to go over what to say during the interview.” Me: “Wait so we know this dude? Did she tell you his name or anything?” Jim: “No. I’ll talk to you about it more later. I’m here at her house.”

So I know none of you know his girlfriend, but she’s huge and would smash someone’s face if anyone touched her in a way she didn’t like. I told Carl about the whole thing and we came to the conclusion that something wasn’t right about this “rape”. We brought Jim out to grab some food and talk. His knuckles were all bruised and bloody because he punched a tree out of frustration. We continued to talk about the subject, being careful not to upset him. The facts were not consistent from his girlfriends end. She wasn’t the brightest bulb after all. We brought up the possibility that she was possibly lying to him because maybe she regrets what she did. Of course our friend was in denial at the time. The next day we got a call from him. He said that his girlfriend had broken up with him and said that she wasn’t raped, but cheated on him.

This was absolutely his worst nightmare. Jim has never dated another girl in his life. Jim and his girlfriend had been dating for 5 years since high school. It was a total shock for him. We did everything in our power to distract him from the reality of what happened. We advised him not to talk to her anymore and just hang out with us because we thought it would be better for him just to focus on healing instead of being with a liar and a cheater.

Against our advice he continued to talk to her. He said that they were getting back together. He said they were going to go to couples counseling. This lasted all of one session and after the session they “mutually” agreed to breakup for good. Jim said he found peace. He said he was ok with the breakup and I believed him. That was the biggest mistake I have ever made. I told him that I thought he should still get some counseling to help him heal and he said he would... yet again, it was another time I should have not believed him.

Every time I talked to him, he seemed almost spacey. He deleted everything off his Instagram and left only one picture of a stream and a tree. He was choking back tears every time we talked. It was hard to find out what he had been up to or where he had been when I talked to him. But every time I reminded him I was there if he ever needed me. One day he asked if I could talk so I went to meet him at the Lake where he was hanging out. When I showed up, Carl was there too. Jim was very upset, crying and screaming in pain and frustration. He told us he hadn’t stopped talking to his girlfriend. He told us that he was very upset because he felt like he was the one that caused her to cheat.

Jim: “I remember when I first started working out. Kim was so uncomfortable with her body so I decided to bring her along. I taught her all my workouts and pretty soon she had all the confidence in the world. She was so happy and proud of herself and so was I. I feel like if I didn’t introduce her to the gym she never would have met this guy. Of course this happened to me. Why wouldn’t it? I swear to god dude this is so fucked up. Why did god do this to me? If he actually exists... why would he? What did I do?”

We did the best we could to comfort him. I felt awful because I had been through something similar a few years before. I knew the pain, but not the same pain he was feeling. We brought him out for food and went to hang at his place for a bit until we felt comfortable leaving him.

Flash forward to the day before the spring semester (2 days later). Carl and I were playing some Rainbow Six Siege as we did, and to our surprise Jim joined us in discord for the first time all summer. We were happy to hear from him. We talked about the semester and how we couldn’t wait for school to start, we goofed around in siege, and we talked about how we were going to go on vacation together during our first break from the semester. Everything seemed so normal. At the end of the night we said goodnight to each other and went to bed. I got some texts from him that night saying how I was a good friend and whatnot. I said the same to him...

The next day I was in my third class of the day when I got a call from his ex. I didn’t answer of course because not only was I in class but I also hated her guts. She kept calling me so finally I gave in and stepped in the hallway:

Me:”What?” Her:”Have you heard from Jim or seen him at all today?” Me:”No why?” Her: “He sent me a really weird text.” Me: “Uhhhhh like how weird?” Her: “Almost like a goodbye text... sniffles” Me: “Did you call the police?!” Her: “Yea but they don’t know where he is. He didn’t show up for class and he’s not home.” Me: “Ok I’ll give him a call. I’ll call you back.”

So I gave him a call and I shot him a text. He didn’t answer either. The text read something like “dude you have to answer you’re freaking everyone out.”. I called him a total of 20 times. I went back into class and grabbed my stuff and left. I called Carl and told him what his ex just said to me. We met up and talked about the whole thing. I then got a call from the police asking for information. I gave them all that I knew. I was very stressed so I went to the gym with Carl. We tried not to think about the possibility of what was happening. I reached out to everyone I knew for comfort and to tell them my friend was missing. I called his ex back to see if they found anything and she said they found his car near the woods. Carl and I left the gym and went to where they found his car. We asked them if they found anything yet (by this point it was 9pm and getting dark.) but unfortunately they didn’t find anything. I drove Carl home and told him to call me if he heard anything and I’d do the same for him.

I went back to my apartment and talked with my roommates about what was going on. I didn’t know how to deal with it so I just didn’t. I emotionally could not grasp what was happening, what he meant by “you’re a great friend”, and how it was actually his goodbye.

At around 11 I called his ex once more. All I could hear was wailing in the background. I started to shake because I knew what that meant. Her sister answered the phone sobbing. I asked to speak with Jim’s ex but her sister said she was in hysterics and couldn’t talk. I managed to keep my composure and told them to stay where they were. I grabbed my keys and got in my car. Her sister sent me their address and I went over to talk with her. I did my best to comfort her as it would have been what Jim wanted. He cares about her more than anything else despite what she did to him. I told her the same thing I told him, that I was there if she needed me. We talked every once in a while for a little bit but eventually we stopped talking.

So there it is. The story of my friends last few months among the living. He was going to ask all of you what he should do about the whole thing, if you guys believed his girlfriend was raped or if she cheated. I’m honestly not sure if he did or not. But regardless, don’t fucking cheat. Just end the relationship. Also don’t commit suicide, it’s a permanent solution to a temporary issue. It hurts everyone so much more than you would believe. If any of you would like to talk because someone cheated on you let me know. I’d love to help and prevent the same thing from happening to you.

Edit: She was never raped, she was just hiding her mistake behind a blatant lie unfortunately. She told him she was scared and didn’t know what to do so she lied about the whole thing. She voluntarily went over to this guys place knowing what the results were going to be as they were very clearly discussed beforehand. They had been texting back and forth for about a week beforehand. He knew she had a boyfriend. He lied and told her that he didn’t (later on I found out he did. It’s long distance and after he got out of the army he decided to go to college and cheat on her.)