Never fails

I am having a really hard time the past few days coping with all of the lies and fallout of my wife's affair. I've posted the story a few weeks back. In short, found 1,110 text messages to a "spiritual advisor" in 3 months time, found his address hidden in her phone under a ladies name, she changed all of her passwords on all devices and blamed our youngest daughter (12) for doing so, same day she took the time to type her "coworkers" address in her phone she turned off her GPS. His name is in her phone under a females alias (just found out about that from our oldest daughter 15). And then there are all the lies and deflection and gaslighting. Why, why is it so hard for me to come to terms with this? She left me and our daughters on our 22nd wedding anniversary, what kind of person can be so cold and heartless? I have so many questions and no closure. I am stuck, I feel like I am drowning in quicksand. I am having nightmares on a regualr basis where all I hear is the sound of her phone going off in the middle of the night. He would text her at 11, 12, 1 and 2am knowing full well she was laying besides me in bed. I can't stop hearing the vibration of her phone in my dreams.

I miss my wife, I miss our life, we were best friends for 28 years. There is not a room in our home that doesn't say something about love and kindness. It was the foundation of our family. How can a personn give up on her kids 50% of the time, more importantly how do I continue when my kids are my everything and I only see them 50% of the time. I am being punished for something I didn't do. Where is the justice in this? I said this before... In this lifetime I will die 2 deaths. The first one is happening right now as I grieve the loss of my marriage and best friend. The pain is unbearable, I just don;t know how to cope. Reading stories on here helps by knowing I am not alone, but I feel alone. Our house is so empty now, there is no life when the girls are not there. There is no water running or the sound of laughter or footsteps moving through the house. All that is left is my mind and ghosts of our past everywhere I look.

I am trying to be a strong father for my daughters, but there pain is unbearable as well and it keep drowning me as it kills me and drowns me to see them so devastated. We never saw this coming and yet here it is. We have to face this reality and rebuild our lives while Mom is living in fanatasy land. How can one live with a decisionlike this?

I know I need to focus on myself and my kids but it's hard. Just needed to vent, looking for some advice, some encouragement that things will get better. Although a big part of my life has been murdered by the one I loved the most. Will there be a happily ever after...