I found this on r/confession and it is completely unaltered.

Warning: This story is looong and frustrating. And to all you women haters out there, I don’t need your judgment. Also english is my second language. Also, throwaway for obvious reasons.

I met my boyfriend 2 and a half years ago (let’s call him Mike) back when I was still in University. My brother and Mike are business partners so he introduced us at a dinner party and it was mildly shocking at the time since he was only 20 years old, same as me. The reason it was shocking was because my brother usually deals with high profile people and they’re usually much older. We hit it off instantly and throughout the night we were secluded  from others talking with each other about movies and tv shows. He was chill, funny and intelligent but not cocky he seemed great so we exchanged numbers. I wish I never talked with him that night, It is my only regret in life.

After texting for 2 months I jokingly asked if he ever was gonna ask me out on a date, and he did it instantly. I thought he was bit naive at the time since he couldn’t pick up on any clues and he seemed to have no experience when it comes to women, turns out I was right. When I talked with my brother that night he said to me that Mike never dates anyone and when I told him that he asked me out on a date he just asked me “why?”, I didn’t expect that reaction so I said because I told him to. My brother then said “why would you do such a thing?” When I asked him what was wrong with me doing that he just said nothing, its just because they are business partners that’s all but my alarm bells were ringing and when I asked again if there was anything wrong with what I did he just said no, don’t cancel .

Still, we went on a date even though I was considering cancelling but all my suspiciouns went away the moment I figured out what the date was. He set up a projector and white screen at a park and there was even drinks and popcorn. I have no idea how much all of it cost but I was overjoyed. There was even an older woman there serving snacks and drink to us. I never had such a date before. He seemed so inexperienced with women but he prepared the best date I could ever ask.  We watched Monty Python And The Holy Grail and I never laughed like that before. He too was laughing like a madman and he had such a dorky laugh that I felt like kissing him. So I did, on his cheek. I fell in love for the first time that night.

Date was amazing and he didn’t even try to initiate anything when he dropped me home. Since he never could pick up any clues I leave for him, I decided to be direct. I asked for another date, and another, and another, then I invited him to my place and we had sex for the first time. Well, it wasn’t the best. He couldn’t get an erection and he seemed lost. So I guided him to best of my abilities (I didn’t have much experience either, I been with only 3 guys prior to him). After some time though he started to get better and better. He started to try a lot of new things and taking all the control. I was ecstatic. We stopped going to dates altogether and would just meet at my place, eat pizza, watch some stuff for an hour before having sex till we fall asleep. Not just with sex but with the relationship in general, he took all the control. After 6 months of dating, he asked me to live with him and I accepted.

Here is where the problem begins, I realized that I never been to his place before, seriously, not even once. I realized that right then that our relationship was in a bubble. When he first showed me his house I was disappointed because I was expecting something bigger. It was like 200 square feet apartment and yes while the house was clean, and new looking it was still too small! There was no decorations, nothing. But I still decided to move in thinking that I’ll change things up. There was only one problem, all this time I was thinking that he must be rich since he’s working with my brother, but now I was questioning if he even had enough money to support me at all. His house looked so empty. When he saw me not looking happy he asked me if anything was wrong, he seemed so sad. But I decided to be direct and told him that house is too small and empty. He told me that I can decorate it however I want and the reason it’s empty is because he spends most of his time at the office and uses this place just to sleep and keep his stuff. I asked him if he had enough money for me to live with him, he said that we’ll share the bills and rent just like I am doing with my roomate but he’ll give me 800$ to make this place be something I like. I asked again if he had money, he just gave me this weird look and said “why are you asking me that question” and asked “can you afford to move in with me?”. I was bit embarassed and angry so  I answered yes a little too loud. He then asked if I was expecting him to pay for everything, I said of course not. I lied, I was expecting him to pay for everything but dropped the subject thinking that maybe he’s having financial problems these days. I thought to myself that I would bring this up at a later date and that was it. He didn’t even helped me move but he sent someone to help me, which I had to pay for. I bought new curtains, nice big carpet and few cushions for the couch. I framed 2 pictures of us and hung it over the couch and the bedroom. It was somewhat nice looking now. We lived together in peace for 3 months before he started to freak me out.

After work I went out to have some drinks with my girlfriends and we were talking about our boyfriends. They asked me to tell them about him, so I did. It was then I realized, I don’t really know this guy. All I know is he has an export company, he has no siblings nor a father and when he was a kid he used to live at a village. I remembered that whenever we talked, we would talk about me and when I tried to ask about his childhood or his life, he would change the topic or say that he’s tired. I don’t know when I stopped asking about him, maybe it happened sunconsciously.  When I went back home he was at his desk looking at some papers, I decided to have a sit down with him and ask about his life. He told me that he didn’t know what to say. When I pushed him harder he went to bed saying “I am sorry, it’s hard for me.” I joined him in bed and said that I want to meet your friends. He agreed.

To be perfectly honest, if I didn’t go to work with him that day, never pushed him to tell me things about himself, I would still be with him. No doubt. I wouldn’t ever imagine him being a psycopath.

When I went to his place of work (Which was a huge place in the heart of most expensive district in Istanbul) I was angry, he clearly had money yet he didn’t want to spend money for me but still, I thought maybe he had debt that he is trying to pay. He introduced me to his employees and my fucking god, they are all bunch of sycophants. They literally worship him and lick his ass whenever he says anything. They were smiling and acting nice and all, but I could see it in their eyes that they were mocking me, like their shit doesn’t smell. Worst of all was Mike! He was a completely different person around other people. He was not reserved and chill when he was talking with his employees. He acted like a scum! Loud, obnoxious, bossy and cliche and he had such an irritating laugh. After chatting with his coworkers we went to his office and it was fucking gorgeous. Everything was antique and expensive looking. He literally had a fucking metal statue of 2 lions at the entrance of his office. Yet he gives me only 800$ to decorate. He sat down and explained some of the things he does and how he created this company. Apparently the guys I met were the first people he hired and back then he struggled to even pay them minimum wage. But now he said things are good, they all make good money and because they started from the bottom and had to work together to make this company what it is, so they became like a family. I asked him how much money they make, he said “it doesn’t matter”. Fuck yes it does. Then he had meetings so I had to sit at the couch while he was talking with them. He was speaking chinese, fucking chinese. I had no idea he could speak chinese, who the fuck is this guy. Then throughout the day he kept meeting people and talking at the phone. He is a fucking chameleon, he was talking like a frat boy with some of them, completely calm and proffesional with others. He was even flirting with a woman! In front of me! After that woman left I asked him if he was flirting with him. He just said it’s business, and that they joke around like that. After that point I decided to learn everything about him and also make sure to watch him with other people. It became an obsession of mine and I spent good 6 months doing it. That’s when I learned that he is a psychopath.

I started keeping notes about him, things he does differently than other people. I stopped talking about myself and my day and solely focused on him whenever we could spend time together. I learned that he dropped out of highschool because he had to work to make money, his dad left. I learned that ever since he was a child he had interest in languages so he was learning all his life. He speaks 7 fucking languages, who does that? I learned that his mother lives in a rural place and he visits every other month. I can’t believe I never asked were he was going all this time. I learned that he used to be overweight as a teenager and he started dieting and running after his father left. He even showed me pictures, I thought he was joking with me since he looked nothing like that photo. I also learned that EVERYONE. FUCKING. LOVES. HIM. It’s not natural. He can talk with everyone. He has this racist as hell customer who he talks with often, and he actually talks like him even though I know he is not racist. He changes his personality to match whoever he is talking, that’s not normal at all. Oh btw, he is filthy rich. I friended his coworker and she and I became really close suprsingly even though at first I thought she was a bitch. When I went to her house I was freaking out because it was huge and fancy. I asked her if she only works at my bf’s company and she said yes looking confused. I said “I asked because he seems like he doesn’t make much money but you do.” She just laughed! And asked if I was being serious or not. After I said yes and explained myself she understoof what I was trying to say and told me that Mike doesn’t like spending money on useless things. WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING LION STATUE? Apparently that was to give good impression on customers. Yeah, right. I didn’t buy it.

My obsession started to affect my daily life as well. I stopped talking with my friends, and had a huge fight with my family about my spendings. I called them nasty things even though I know I shouldn’t have so they stopped sending me money. Even my brother stopped talking with me. I started to gain weight because I kept seeing him talking to women and they were flirting with him, so I started to overeat. We had our first huge fight when I couldn’t pay half of the rent and bills and the fact that I didn’t look after my health or doing any chores. Who the HELL is he to tell me that. He told me that he’ll kick me out if I don’t go back to my old self and start working to pay for my part. He said he’ll cover the 2 months, after that I had to start paying. Things were okay after that…for few months. After crying that day and telling him the fight I had with my family and the problems I was having with our relationship, he seemed understanding and sad. He said that he loves me for the first time and told me that I am the only one he ever truly loved. He said that he likes talking with me because I teach him new things every day. I honestly didn’t know what I taught him but it made me decide to get my shit together. So I started going to the gym like he does twice everyday, started eating healthy. Until certain things started to bug me. Because I was still trying to learn about him while also trying to get closer to him, I decided to share some of my hobbies with him. He has no interest in videp games while I do so I showed him games like Portal 2 and Fallout 4. Stuff he might like and sure enough, he did. He started playing lot of games and even jokingly blamed me for not being able to do enough work. Relationship was great again. We were playing games together, going to concerts, he bought a beefy gaming pc and opened a steam account and told me to buy games he and I might like, so I bought tons of games.  It was great. For a while.

I decided to drop out of University because I didn’t like what I was majoring in anymore and decided in the future I would start my own business like him. Since I was not going to school anymore I started to work full time instead of part-time. The job he found me was pretty great so I had extra cash for me to buy things for myself. I bought a guitar and started getting online lessons to learn it. Turns out he plays guitar! Of fucking course he does. He gave me some pointers to get good at it which turned me off from guitar altogether. I wanted my own thing. Then I started playing CSGO all the time and wanted to be really good at it like, pro level. I knew he never played counter strike and I have been playing the game ever since my brother first showed me how to when I was 7. I was great at it but never really perfect. One day he came back from work and saw me playing the game. He watched me for a while before asking me what game it was. He asked if we could play it together, I told him that because my rank is high we couldn’t.

I mean I could’ve just used my smurf but I really didn’t want to play with him. He said okay, bought the game and started playing. You must understand this guy didn’t even know WASD movement keys up until few months ago. He started playing obsessively, I would wake up in the middle of the night seeing the light of the computer. He would play at work, at every free moments of his life. If he didn’t have acces to a computer he would watch Youtube videos for tips and tricks. I would watch him play and he was improving more and more everyday. And after a month, we were at the same rank. I just couldn’t stomach him anymore. Everything he does, he does it great. I used to be proud that I could speak english, he speaks it better than me and more. I used to be proud that I had a good body and the fact that I was pretty and now I see women much more cultured and beautiful than me everyday hitting on him. Everything comes easy to him while I was not that lucky. I felt like shit because I dropped out of University, and even if I didn’t, I would never make as much money as him. I felt like a failure and became terrified of him. He was not natural, not at all. We had been dating for almost 2 years now, and time and time again he made me feel like shit. He always complimented me and told me that I was special but I didn’t believe him. I watched him lie to so many people, I know how he makes people feel special, and talks to them in a way that they do everything he asks. I was convinced that he was a psycopath. And soon, I would have proof.

He took me to meet his mother at our 2 year anniversary because I told him that I felt like we were growing apart. We drove around 9 hours listening to music he selected. They were parody music, like stuff from Richard Cheese, he was trying to cheer me up and it worked. I was having so much fun with him again. He bought snacks I liked for the road and was cracking jokes making me laugh. We found a nice spot while the sun was going down and he took pictures of me in front of the orange sky. They looked amazing. He pulled me close to him and kissed me and saying how beautiful I am. We had sex in a long time and oh how I missed it. I forgot about all my worries and thought that everything is perfect. We reached her mom’s place which was a fucking villa. It was gorgeous and had a privarte beach. Also it was the first time seeing her mother and she looked so sweet. She cooked so much food for us and kept asking me questions about my life. She knew so much already which shocked me. After spending a good amount talking, eating and playing board games she went to sleep. We were tired but decided to walk at the beach. He told me what happened to him, how he used to be. He was a pretty fat kid and he would behave ‘girly’ as his father called him. His father was apparently not a clean man when it comes to his business and personality. He beat him all the time and kept mocking him about his weight. They come home one night after visiting his aunt and find that house is stripped clean, anything electronic, couch, mattress, curtains and even his mother’s wedding gold. He just dissappears taking everything with him. So at age 15 he drops out of college and starts to work at two full time jobs to make a living. When he turned 18 he had enough money to start his own company. He said he never dated anyone until me, because he never had time to. I felt so glad to know all this and was incredibly saddened by his story. I felt like an asshole for being so distant.

Next morning, we had breakfast at the beach and I was feeling kinda different than day before. All the things he said made perfect sense, as in explained everything about his personality. Story was too perfect. Besides, why did he have to work 2 jobs? why didn't his mother work apart from being a little overweight she looked perfectly healthy. How could a guy who dropped out of highschool when he was 15 goes on to create a one of the top companies in Turkey in less than 2 years? His story seemed like fanfiction, to make himself look good. I watched him as he was stuffing his face with bread and omelette like he has no care in the world. Like he didn't share something huge with me. I decided ask his mom why didn't she ever work. She looked shook then said she was too old to work and had bad legs, I didn't buy it. Right around then he started looking at me weird like I'm doing something I'm not supposed to. So asked if she worked before and she said she got married when she was 16 her ex husband didn't let her work. I just laughed out loud because she never did anything with her life yet now she was living in a paradise. My boyfriend looked absolutely furious for laughing buy I didn't care. All her sweet words and smile the day before was fake, just like all the things his son does. In fact she was worse because she was mocking me by smiling. She thought I was not good enough for her son, I could tell. Who is she to judge me? She never done anything with her life. So I told her that. I told her that "you never did any work in your life, everyone had to take care of you and now you live great, how lucky" my boyfriend screamed at me immediately and he kicked the table so hard that it's legs snapped and flew. He was coming toward me with terrifying eyes and I thought he was going to kill me. His mom ran and pulled him away.

I never saw him like that before, he was screaming stuff like whore, how could she and I'm going to kill her while her mother was taking him inside the house. I waited good 15 minutes standing there, while the maid had the most horrified look on her face. I tried to go up to her but she took a step back. When I tried to go in front of her she pulled her face away. She was at the brink of crying I could tell. I started feeling afraid and my hands started shaking. However when he came back he was calm as a hindu cow. Like nothing ever happened. He had the usual half smile on his face and walked up to me and said "let's go my mom feels tired." I was terrified so I said no, he just kept smiling and said let's go again. Honestly I was afraid out of my mind because even though he was smiling his eyes were bloodshot. I don't know why but I complied. Whole ride home I was expecting him to beat me so about 2 hours after we started driving I started apologizing profusely. When we passed the place we took the picture I started crying for some reason. When we reached home he shut the car off and told me that "I forgive you but you will never get to do any more mistakes." His tone made me start shaking again so I just said yes, I promise.

The next few weeks were quiet. He would barely come up to talk to me but when I wanted to talk to him he kept himself open, meaning he was like how he used to be before all that. Honestly I was kinda getting bored so I reached out to old friends and we went to a party. I drank a little too much to get myself in the mood and it worked. I started to dance and have fun, it was great. I missed that, having fun with my friends. I told them that I broke up with my boyfriend and that I was sad. It was a lie obviously but I didn't want to think about him, so I lied. They called their boyfriends and told them to bring few good friend of theirs thinking it would cheer me up. and of them was eyeing me. I thought fuck it and gave him a handjob at the bathroom. Then I felt bad so I washed my hands quickly, apologized and left. He understood me after I explained the situation and told him not to say anything to the girls. He gave me his number so I could text him whenever I wanted to talked, I said okay.

Next day he sent me a funny message and saying that I tugged him too hard abd stuff like that. He was funny and understanding so I kept talking with for a few days. I decided that I didn't love mike anymore because we are from a different kind of people. I was normal and he was not and this new guy(let's call him Thomas) didn't made me like I'm not enough. I told Thomas that I wanted to have sex and he said sure. I felt wanted again, I went to his place few days later knowing that Mike would be at work till 3am. I went to Thomas's place and jist started undressing as soon as he shut the door. We fucked each other's brains out and drank, fucked and drank again and again. When it was around 2am I left his apartment saying that I will be back tomorrow. However, when I came home, he was at the home, with few guys around him already waiting for me.

As soon as I stepped foot inside the apartment a guy ran towards me and grabbed my phone. Mike was sitting at the couch his legs crossed smiling like usual said something to me. I was freaking out so I said "what?" and he said "I said, hello peanut." (that's what he calls me usually.) he got up from the couch and came close to me smelling my neck and touching my lips with his fingers. I started tearing up because he knew, he definitely knew but I didn't know how. Without saying anything he grabbed the keys from my hand and told me to sit at the couch and wait for him. When I refused he shouted me to sit down which made me lose my balance and fell on the ground. He laughed like a dork and told me to sit down, this time calmly. He said something in russian to the 2 guys that were there and left with the guy that grabbed my phone saying "I'll see you soon." I honestly thought that I would die that day. I waited for him for hours. When he came back the sun was rising.

As soon as he came back the guys that were watching for hours left. Mike locked the door behind them and threw me my phone and told me to start packing. Without wasting a single second I got off the couch and ran to the bedroom stuffing my bag as fast as I could. He stood behind me the whole time. When I was done he came close to me, putting his hands to my neck and kissed me lightly on the cheek. He pulled away the bag I was packing, opened it up and took the necklace he bought for me for our first anniversary. He then threw me the bag. I started walking to the door and tried to open it just to remember he locked it. He came towards me slowly and unlocked the door. Just when I was leaving he told me "Hayatta Başarılar." which I guess translates to "I hope you find success in life"(It's a common farewell in Turkish). I was so relieved to get out alive, I ran down the stairs, got out of the building and didn't stop running until few blocks away.

I was pretty sleepy and hungry so I ate a bagel and called my boss to askfor a day off from work. Then I called Thomas since I had nowhere to sleep. He sounded so weird and just kept telling me "please never call me again" over and over. When I tried to call him again I couldn't because he blocked me. I called my brother even though I didn't want to and told him that I needed a place to stay because I had a fight with Mike. He kept asking me what did I do but I said it's something minor and that I was not in the mood to explain it. I went to his house, had a shower and slept like a rock until it was past 8pm. I felt all my worries were finally over and was hopeful that life will start making sense to me again.

My brother came home an hour later with food and Ice Tea Lemon. I didn't touched the ice tea because that was all mike ever drank. After I ate the food I started talking with my brother and apologized to him for how I behaved. I guess because he saw I was sad he forgave me and told me not to worry about it and that I should also apologize to our parents. Feeling okay, I decided to tell him what happened and as he was listening his face grew more and more worried. Towards the end when I was talking about packing he stopped me and went outside. He came back few minutes later running to the guest room, grabbing my bag and throwing it to the door. He told me to leave and don't call him, I couldn't understand what was going on and I tried to ask him but he kept shutting me up. He told me to never call him until he says so, and told me that never call mom and dad either. I started crying again because I knew Mike did something but my brother kept denying it. I left the his house and tried to call my mom while crying hysterically, she just said "don't call us, or come here, we will call the police" and hung up when I tried calling again, I was blocked. I didn't know what was going on, I didn't have enough money on me to go to an Hotel so I called one of my old friends. Thankfully she picked up.

When I went to her place I didn't said anything about Mike since she already thought we broke up. I just said he kicked me out and that I need a place to stay for a few days. I told her that I'll get my paycheck in a week then I'll find a roommate and leave. She was so nice, she said stay as long as you like. Thinking that things are finally okay I fell asleep again, just for a few hours then it was time for work. My boss ran up to me as soon as I entered the cafe and said that I can't work here anymore. When I asked why he just told me that I can't and asked me to leave. When he saw me tearing up he told me to wait and gave me my weekly paycheck even though it was the start of the week. He told me to not tell anyone that he gave me this. I left the place and went to the nearby park and I broke down crying. I didn't deserve this. How can everything go to shit in one day?

Over the next 3 months, I applied for numerous jobs only to get fired few days later for no reason. All my friends kicked me out after letting me stay for a day or two without explanation. I am contemplating suicide everyday and each day I get closer to doing it. He's well connected in the country. Now I realize I never really knew him, not really. I don't know what to do. I cry constantly. If only I never met him, life would be alright. I would've graduated by now, instead I am doing menial daily jobs around construction zones and selling bottled water around farmer's market.I can't even prove if he's doing anything or how he knows where I am at all times or where I live or where I found a job. I hope one day he forgives me. I am thinking of going to where he works and just beg for forgiveness. That's it. That's how I fucked my life. Thanks for reading.