Simp gonna keep Simping.

This may go on for a while but I want to include as many details as possible. TLDR at the bottom.

I met my (23m) wife (23f) almost five years ago. We got married a little over 2 years ago. We were an excellent match and always loved being together and doing the things we loved. I had never been so sure about anything in my life when I decided to marry her. We had been living in a town about 4 hours from where we originally met while I was working full time and she was going to school full time and working part time.

I was presented with an opportunity to transfer within my company and move back to the town we had met. This had been something we had wanted for our future but did not expect it to come this soon in our lives. We didn’t have very long to think about it because my work needed an answer in a few days. We decided to go through with it, however we still had a lease going at our current home for about 3 more months. So we decided that she would stay there until the lease was up and then move up with me afterwards.

This most definitely tested our relationship and made things more difficult but from what I could tell, we were making things work. Finally she was able to move back up with me. Everything went smooth and we were finally settled in. For some reason it seemed like everything changed. She was extremely irritable and we fought ALL the time. I know there were parts where I could have done better as well but overall almost every one of these fights ended up being my fault. She made me feel like I was the worst husband in the world and that no matter how hard I tried to make her happy it always backfired on me.

She had gone down to only a few classes at the college here and started working full time instead. She always seemed very depressed and always seemed to be hiding things from me. I’m not really the type to snoop and look through people’s phones but there was most definitely something she was hiding from me on there. She had changed her password and deleted my fingerprint. We had always been very trustworthy with each other and didn’t have anything to hide, so this was a huge red flag for me. I more or less brushed it off but it still bothered me a lot.

A little over a year ago she decided she wanted to move to a city 2 hours from here so she could finish her degree faster. It was very bad timing considering I had also just found another job with much better pay and hours that I could not let go. So I helped her find an apartment and moved her down there. We hadn’t been in the best place anyways so my thought was maybe that the distance would make our hearts grow fonder. I traveled down there every other week and she came here whenever she could with her busy schedule. Things were still not going well and they didn’t seem to be getting any better no matter how hard I tried.

She traveled up here at the end of December last year and told me that we need to talk. We finally did the last day she was here. Basically she told me that she was unsure of our relationship and where it was going but did not directly tell me she wanted a separation or divorce.

A few days after she had gone back home, I drove down to her after I got off work to talk to her and try to save our marriage. I didn’t tell her I was coming but she called me when I was about 15 minutes away. When I told her I was almost there and she told me to turn around and go home. I was devastated and hung up the phone not knowing what to do or expect. She called me back and said she could meet me but she had plans with her friends and can’t talk very long. When I asked her if I should just meet her at her apartment she said no and that we need to meet in a parking lot somewhere else. I confronted her and asked what she was hiding and she threw it back at me. So I met her in this parking lot where we sat and both cried. I asked her what she wanted and she told me she wasn’t sure but she doesn’t think we can make this work. She said she wanted different things now and couldn’t give me what I wanted. I told her that I would go out of my way and change to keep her in my life. She left me there and went to her friend’s place. I drove the two hours back home crying the whole time.

We talked on the phone the next day and I told her I need an answer. I want to hear her say that she wants a divorce if that’s really what she was pushing for. Sure enough she finally said it. But I couldn’t accept her reason for leaving. Something else must have happened. She insisted that was what it was and that she wanted to focus on herself. I pushed and pushed trying to get closure and asked her many times to tell me if she cheated. I told her that would give me more closure than what she’s telling me now, but she wouldn’t budge.

It took me about 4 months to start moving on with my life. I was finding happiness again doing things that I loved and even started dating a little bit. The thought of her being gone still bothered me. We actually even talked about once a week and were civil with each other. There still didn’t seem to be any hope of us getting back together any time soon but at least we were actually able to talk to each other without issues. She knew I was dating, I knew it bothered her but I know at the same time she was happy for me.

The car she was driving was also in my name. It needed a repair and it was going to be too expensive for her to take it to a shop so I agreed to fix it to help her out. She brought it to me about a week ago, I fixed it and we talked about our relationship and where we went wrong. It was a calm discussion with no issues but at the end she started to get upset and said, “I made mistakes that I’m not proud of.” This was not something she had said before so it concerned me and made me even more suspicious of her cheating. I didn’t want to fight so I left it alone. We ended up going to breakfast together and actually had a good time. I had really missed her. She went back home and that was that.

The following morning she texted me that she had a good time with me. Then she said she was confused and unsure about us. So I asked her why she didn’t want to tell me about her mistakes. She told me that I had no idea how bad it was and that she had already been punished enough by it. So I kept pushing and pushing trying to get it out of her. I couldn’t just drop it at this point as my mind was making so many assumptions. She asked me what I was assuming. I told her that I know that she cheated, I just don’t know where, when and with who basically. She wouldn’t really say much. I kept pushing. She said she was getting sick talking about it and that we need to talk about it later since she was in class. She told me to assume the worst and I would probably be right... so I asked her if she got pregnant and she didn’t say anything. She told me we just need to talk later.

A few hours later she called me. I asked her if I was right about her getting pregnant. She said yes. I asked if she got an abortion. She said yes. She told me it happened 2 summers ago when I moved back up here, only a few months after we had gotten married. She said she got drunk and went home with a guy. The condom broke, she took plan B but still ended up pregnant. Everything in me wanted to know who it was but at the same time I knew that it wasn’t worth messing up my own life because of him. I was so angry at her and didn’t know what to do. So many things started to make sense and I realized that all the hard times we had in the last two years were not because of me being a bad husband, they were because she was hiding this from me and the guilt was overwhelming her.

She couldn’t say anything else besides that she was sorry. She told me she had been suicidal because of it and wished she had never told me. I’m the type of person that doesn’t like to hold grudges and honestly I hope that I can forgive her for doing this to me. I also understand that this was extremely difficult for her to go through as well so I’m not trying to make it seem like I’m being selfish here. But I was finally finding happiness again and she hit me with this. This is the woman I fell in love with and wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

Obviously in order to forgive her I will need to make sure we have everything out on the table. It will take time and patience to be able to begin to trust her again. I truly want to be with her again but I want to avoid any possible issues that will arise in our current lives. She still has another year and a half of school to finish so we wouldn’t be able to live together giving my current work situation. I know I still need time to process this and to try and think of which direction I want to go.

Do I actually forgive her for this horrible thing and start my life with her again? Or do I go on living my life trying to find something new?

TLDR: My (23m) wife (23f) lied to me for the last two years and made me feel like the worst husband ever because she was hiding her cheating and getting pregnant from me the whole time.