I have never read anything more pathetic in my entire life

So it's been 25 days since my last post which garnered a staggering amount of support, to which I am truly humbled and grateful for the gold and platinum gifted. For this reason I would like to share a (almost) month of spare room sleeping and how it's forming a make-believe relationship, hysterical bonding or flat out lust.

So 25 nights ago I began sleeping in the spare room for a lot of reasons, largely and rather selfishly because I was tired of being rejected for sex and/or intimacy.

As a reminder, during the reveal, my wife opened up and revealed a deep lying anxiety issue around her own body. I listened tentatively and had great consideration for her feeling like this but I held firm and stuck by my spare room commitment.

What was I hoping to achieve from this?

1) Peaceful night sleeps without the urge to touch my wife intimately, thus eliminating the inevitable rejection.

2) Allow my wife the freedom to touch, kiss or even compliment me without fear of me trying to initiate. I set some boundaries and took sex off the table despite it being number one on my most missed activities list (there is no list).

3) Show my wife what an empty bed feels like. I would lay inches from her under covers but sadly made to feel alone despite her presence.

What I found out from doing this though far exceeded my expectations. But let's be clear, she hates it. The room, the spare bed, the idea of it and everything about it.

-First week- First few nights were awekward, she'd stay up and watch TV with me. This is her trying to get close to me as a few days earlier she'd already be laying in her bed playing with her phone. We'd go upstairs together and I'd take her hand and remind her I love her, kiss her one quick peck on the lips as she seems to prefer. Then I'd say goodnight, and walk away, close my door. Not fully, slightly ajar as a subtle reminder she is welcome. But she never came in. During the first week I could here her outside my door contemplating coming in. Willing for some kind of confidence. At this point I'm thinking she's either taking me seriously for the first time in forever or she's plucking up the courage to tell me something. Something horrible I'd bet.

-Second Week- By the start of the second week, she'd typically sit closer to me while watching TV now. It's like we're at school and quite fancy eachother but our friends aren't around to ask the question for us. But this is when I started taking charge and regaining my masculinity. I'd pull her close firmly and hold her tight. Kiss her neck and just watch TV. I'm her man and she needs to feel safe around me. She needs me to be the man and not whimpering in the corner of the sofa waiting for her to accidently brush my crotch with her hand. During the second week I felt like I had nothing to lose, I would grab her ass when she walked past me, on other occasions I would gently hold her hand or I'd approach from behind throw my arms around her and be her rock. At this point, sex wasn't on my mind despite being aroused almost every time she reciprocated the cuddles or the kisses. She's allowing my hands to wander more freely now and is starting to believe i genuinely am attracted and aroused by her.

-Third Week- At this point every night in the spare room is becoming harder for me because we've become so much closer without sex on the table. By the middle of the third week we were sitting in the garden chilling in the glorious sunshine on a swing chair. She pops her legs up on top of mine and lays back. Now the old me would be shitting bricks and only do this in my mind while sat there nervously considering it, but I slid my hand up her inner thigh, underneath her denim hot pants. I could feel she was nervous but was allowing me this and possibly wondering where it was going. I caressed her thighs and with great restraint avoided reaching for the payday. Instead I slowly pulled my hand out, leaned forward and went to give her a quick peck on the lips. She pulled me into her, grabbed the back of my head and slid her tongue into my mouth. It was the best kiss I've ever had. I was rock hard. We stopped kissing and looked at each other for what felt like an hour but in reality was about 30 seconds. I stood up and did the best I could to shift my erection so that I didn't poke her eyes out while I walked past. Inside I made us drinks and returned to her. I sat beside her and felt this overwhelming feeling of desire. My wife has not looked at me like that in a long time. I needed that and so did she. I'm on to something here. We're connecting and communicating with each other. I miss this.

-Week Four- It's Easter weekend and the weather is awesome, I feel awesome, my girl looks incredible. I'm sleeping well, I'm smiling all the time, she's smiling all the time, she's wearing clothes that reveal parts of her body she confesses to feel anxious showing anyone especially me. We've had a great weekend.

We spoilt the kids with Easter egg hunts, trip to the funfair, walks on the beach and in the woods. We've held hands while walking on the beach. Doesn't sound much I know but man, it felt good. For both of us.

For the past week or so we've been having passionate kisses and cuddles before bed, there's still this awkwardness when I leave her to go into my room. Every time. But hey, I was the one who set these boundaries. Twice I've said no to her this past week when she's asked me to come back to "our" bed. Each time I reassured her I would love to get back in bed with her and have sex, but I also reminded her of her anxiety around me touching her, of her own insecurities and why I moved into the spare room in the first place. Let me tell you this takes stubbornness, assertiveness and a shit load of confidence. But you know what? I'm a man again and I can take a no. I can take rejection for the right reasons.

I'm not going to wait for her to make a move

I'm not going to try to outwait a LL for sex

I've shown her I can be the man she needs me to be.

Now she needs to show me she can be the woman I need her to be...

As lay in my lonely but surprisingly rewarding bed in my empty spare room for a little longer I got up, as I walked to the marital bedroom I had a dreadful rush or resentment for myself for seeking out what I desire, I'm on my way to fuck my wife.

I stripped my t shirt off on the hallway and slowly opened the door...

She knew I was coming. She was ready for me.

Cut to today and I'm left with the conundrum. Is it fixed? Is that it? Do I go back in the spare room or do I go back to "our" bed?

She's expecting me to come back now.

All I know right now is the spare bedroom has made things 1000% better for us.

Sorry for the long winded update. But you guys rock and have inspired me to not give up on my relationship. My advice for anyone who is considering this approach is figure out exactly what you want first. No point moving into a spare room because you want to hurt your partner or because you don't want them anymore.

For me, I adore her and this have given us breathing space to help us put in perspective what we both want. My wife's anxiety issues are far from over but she's comfortable enough for now to allow me to explore her. Simply because she trusts me.