After I went to college and my family started to disintegrate (my brother went to boarding school, my mom was dying, my best friend disappeared and was found dead the next morning in the woods) I threw myself into campus life and my studies, getting fucked up and dating women Slowly, I lost touch with family. There are whole years of my life where I don't remember my family. After my mom died it was just my brother and my dad. My dad and I are very close and he really was a champion to us at that time. He looked after us and he got me the money I needed as I wanted to do my masters and get a phd. Things were okay for a few months. Then shit went sideways.

I thought that our mom's death would bring me closer to my brother but it didn't. He got involved in some very messy scenes and did a lot of recreational drugs. He failed university twice and had to get a Dean's exemption to carry on his studies. I didn't know any of this at the time. Fast forward a few years later and we both decide, because of a connection my father had, to move into the same housing complex. I saw my brother every now and then but didn't care much for seeing him. My GF at the time kept asking me why I don't see my family and why I don't put much effort in. It didn't help that at the time that my ex and I were together my relationship with my dad and his new wife was really bad. They were very mean to me and treated me like shit in front of my GF at the time. My GF cottoned onto this very early on and became a red flag for her. Fast forward a few years a later. I get dumped by the GF. I'm all alone. It's Sunday night. Friends aren't answering their phones. And the ones that do don't seem really phased by the news. Seems for the last three years I'd been dating a woman that no one seemed to care much for. When I told my dad that I had been dumped he didn't seem to care much either. I don't think he ever liked her but it didn't matter. When I put the phone down after she said goodbye and the primal rage and gut wrenching sadness had momentarily passed and before I called those I thought I could rely on to help me, I realised I had fucked up. For years I had invested the absolute bare minimum in these people. Not because my ex controlled or because I spent all my time with her, quite the opposite. As a loner once I had a pretty girlfriend and dreaded her enough to keep her around I basically dropped out of my own life. I literally once told my ex at the time I didn't care about my family and friends and wouldn't go to their funerals and that we were our own family. I can't believe the person I used to be.

In the fallout the only person who looked after me was my biological brother. A guy who owed me NOTHING. A guy who I had shunned and called a loser and dropout for years. He eventually graduated, kicked drugs and settled in with is decade long partner and become a real rock all on his own. He knew the power and importance more than I did. I thought I was Michael and he was Fredo. But I was actually Fredo. I had to turn the tide inside me and open my heart to my family again. To let them help me get back on my feet.

He cooked me meals, took me out for coffees, invited me to their social gatherings. My brother would pop by after work and come visit me. He'd help run errands and take me to the airport when I was traveling for work and asked almost nothing in return. We both started skating again together. For the last three years now since that day my ex left me my brother and I speak everyday. Sometimes it's just a sports meme, sometimes it's real talk about business. I was the best man at his wedding. All his profile pictures are pictures of the two of us. Fast forward to today, I just spent the summer vacationing with my dad and my stepmom, I have 2 stepbrothers who I really like and get along with. I am going to see them in a few weeks when I go home to visit. I value family my father more than anything now. My dad and my brother are my best friends. My stepmom, God help her, has only been kind and supportive. I told her recently that I haven't had a normal relationship and mostly unpaid sex with a women since the breakup replying "you're better off, women of today are not worth your time."

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This has been very difficult to write but I am glad I did. Without embracing life and going my own way and forging and investing in relationships I would probably be dead. Without my own family and no partner all I have is my family and while they have all their separate families blood is thicker than water.

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If you can, and want to, and need to reach out or mend a past relationship with a friend or family member, I say do it. Sure, maybe you don't owe them anything and their past behavior doesn't warrant it but maybe, just maybe it's worth a shot.

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Tl;dr - my breakup, and me going my own way and opening up to them allowed me and my family to have far greater relations.

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