I am writing this post especially for people who are new on TRP (I am relatively new myself), who are looking forward to learn from other's mistakes and see the evolution of others in their journey of becoming "alpha". Personally, I am still far from my goal, but it's a little more than a year since i swallowed the red pill. I will talk about the last two experiences of being a beta and not even realizing.

I was at the first year of university and some nice girl (easily 8.5) approached me. I wasn't sure of her intentions but she was an alpha widow (I learned about this later). She is 1.5 years older than me, and much much more experienced. We had some parties and we kissed and shit, I got drunk and attempted to fuck her but she didn't want me to. So I didn't do anything and simply agreed with her and continue kissing and touching. After the first two weeks I think she started to understand that I was completely overwhelmed by the situation and started pulling back. So after she did this I started asking myself what was happening. Obviously I had fallen in love with that girl and got frustrated by the turn of events. I failed lots of shit tests and only realize it a full year later. A simple example is I dropped a redpill bomb on her (didn't even realize it-told her she was not that special after all) and she apparently got mad and my frame collapsed immediately. I started apologizing and shit so she got very cocky over it. Everything lasted for one more week (a total of 4 let's say). I went back home for the weekend and when I got back and started texting her she only answered after a lot of time and in very short replies. I got even more frustrated, and in a few days i met her on the dorm's lobby and even asked her why she was mad at me! We hadn't spoken afterwards and it took a half an year until we had another contact but then I was already redpilled, and we will see the improvements.

So second experience happened in a month maximum after me and girl #1 stopped talking to each other. I was back at home during the christmas break and there was a girl i liked. After the first experience the frustration made me behave differently in a good way: seemed like I was discovering the redpill by myself. So that girl immediately liked me after I unconsciously passed many of her shit tests (like apparently getting mad at me when I did something she told me she didn't like me to do). So we were in a relationship. It took two months until i got completely bluepilled again, somehow, I thought she loved me and I think i have fallen in love AGAIN! So I started doing shit for her and that was the moment I buried myself. Those first two months were totally cool and after that we only lasted together for 1.5 more months. I was completely shocked: I wasn't ready to walk away from that relationship. So she broke up with me and I was so retarded that I even told her "I don't wish you did that", even though she wasn't even giving a fuck about me anymore and behaving like a total bitch around me. I saw her as an angel and you won't believe what I did: the climax of my betaness: she admitted that she had cheated on me with her ex, and I told her "I have already forgiven you". YES. I was this dumb. I fucking cringe right now when I think of that but yes that was me and I can't do anything about it. Bitch was 2 years younger than me and for fuck's sake she played me like a master. I was in complete shock for like a week. First two days I was a total pussy. Laying in bed thinking and almost crying. Afterwards I confessed to my best friend and we went on a drinking rampage for 8 days in a row. I had a lot of fun and even hit on some girls, but I was still mad at my ex.

So it was at this point where some other friend introduced me to the redpill. Read some good articles and in a matter of hours I had a revelation. I really liked the idea of TRP. I read this article about "the beta glance and the alpha glare" and I started practicing everywhere I went. Was really hard at first, I still have times when I don't feel confident but I like staring in girls' eyes.

Summer came. I had very hard exams and it took 2 straight months until I passed all of them. I was frustrated, all my friends were already partying. So after it was finally over I went on a straight 21 days drinking rampage and had so much fun with girls, I couldn't even believe it was me the one who was talking to them. A friend of mine and I even took part in a swing in a fucking tent with dozens of people around to hear every shit we were saying. Phrases like "I'm a god" and "Shut up and suck my dick" came out of my mouth. I even scared a girl when we were very close to sex.

Summer was gone now so I went back to university where I was looking for sex partners. So when I thought I am pretty good at picking bitches up I failed miserably. I wrote another post about that but here's a summary: everything went very well at the beginning, I set up the date in 40 minutes, girls was totally into me, she was fucking hot and maybe because I had like a month or two break from picking girls up, when she sent only "yes yes yes" signals i didn't know what to do because I liked this girl. I didn't fall in love but I liked her more than other girls. So we kissed and danced but the atmosphere got kinda boring and I made quite a few mistakes like not reading body language and even not reacting to OBVIOUS teases that she threw towards me. I was oblivious and SHOCKED by the speed of the events. I have a shitload of work to do to become what I want to and I realize it. I even managed to kiss girl #1 and rebuild a little of my reputation after those two lessons.

I hope this post will help people understand that mistakes can be done, and even though I was mad at myself, now I am not anymore. Writing this post helped me unwind things in my head and made me remember that any girl has the potential of being a fucking bitch. It's up to every single one of us to keep them entertained and not even think about betraying us. I learned that the hard way. You will too, if you had't already.

Not a native english speaker so maybe if i screwed up some phrases I hope that the meaning is the same though.

TL;DR-First bitch was older and more experienced and once she understood that I am a beta cocksucker she played me masterfully. I was frustrated so I acted a little more manly in the next month and got a new gf. Everything went fine until i got bluepilled again and firstly she cheated on me with her ex then dumped me and i did forgive her. Then i got introduced to TRP and my life changed.