Before I tell my story I just want to say I've been full MGOTW about 6 months now and its great. Surprisingly I've found many others like me and I want you gentlemen to know you have made a great impact in our lives and you are reaching the next generation ( Right now I'm a junior in high school) .

My father used to be a Major in the Air force so about every 4 years we would move. I had somewhat adapted to it by just blocking it in. After my dad retired when I was 13 we moved to Woodstock, GA as a transition year in order to figure out where we wanted to live. Though in this singular year I met a lot of good friends and a girl.

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Her name was Gwendolyn and she was something. I won't say it was love at first sight because what we had wasn't love. It was the first time that a certain flame was lit inside me. We began talking pretty quickly and became close. About 3 weeks in she told me she had broken up with her boyfriend because of me (Red flag 1). We knew we had liked each other and she wanted to take it slow which I respected but I didn't understand. She strangely asked me not tell anybody of how we felt, though I would tell my friend would backstab me and tell her. She wouldn't talk to me for a few weeks (Red Flag 2). I remember that day that I was so frustrated with myself and that I cried in the shower for a bit though it would only be that day. I relationship would again stabilize and after a few weeks my cousin had convinced me to ask her out again. This would be about half way through my year and I wanted to enjoy it as much as possible so I did again. Even though we clearly had feelings she didn't want to and by this point she knew I was moving (Red Flag 3). I remember being disappointed but not crushed. We would still be close talking almost everyday and all day. On my last 2 days there she asked me to go to her church with her (For people not in christian dating this is like first base where you meet her friends and she chooses based on their opinions of you, stupid I know). I enjoyed it a lot and spending time with her. We acted like a couple basically the entire time. If you asked me who was the one back then, I would've confidently said her. Though it came much to late.

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After I moved she wanted to go further. She asked me if we could be unofficially official (Red flag 4). We still kept talking pretty consistently for awhile though it wouldn't last long. About 2 months into long distance she broke it off claiming that every time she felt sad it traced back to her having a boyfriend. I remember just screaming WHAT a million times and to this day still have no idea what it meant. Most of freshmen year I blocked out the pain and focused on playing video games competitively (specifically team fortress 2 if you're interested). Though it slowly creeped in and took over by sophomore year and I was crushed to my very core. I had convinced myself that it was my fault and I didn't fight hard enough for her. I thought about her like a past time and constantly reminded myself of her. About every 1 or 2 months I would have to pour myself out to her to not completely collapse on myself. Most of the time I would have no response and if I did it was a short dialogue about how she did care. Though looking back on it she never cared and if she did she never showed it to me. Things I was confident in my whole life like video games, politics and choir became extremely hard and I could not confidently enjoy them. I was sent to a dark place of self-hatred for myself and I had to rebuild myself in a prison of shame and failure. I eventually blocked out my feelings towards her and began to respect and trust myself again. Late last year we began talking a little again and I let myself feel what I felt when I was 13. I knew it was dangerous for me though she accepted all the compliments that were obviously very obvious even though she had a boyfriend (Red Flag 5). I just recently about 2 months ago finally blocked her out of my life on everything, couldn't see her on social media, blocked and unfriended on all forms of communication so she couldn't talk to me. A good group of gentlemen have fully ushered me out of that era of my life and I am greatly in debt to them.

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Thank you for listening to my story, and remember the people you think you love have the best opportunity to hurt you the greatest .