Relationships start out great. The honeymoon phase, as people say. You both feel a deep desire for each other. Assuming you have the conventional relationship, you (the man) is most likely carrying the relationship, by planning, ensuring your conversational, being loving, etcetera.

She falls in love (or at least becomes very fond) with "you". The you that is confident, strong like a wall, the one who can make her feel dominated and submissive. When you show weakness in the form of showing how you feel, whether that be jealously, family trauma, anxiety, depression, or any deep issues, she can no longer be attracted to you as she once was. "You" no longer exist. Things can continue for a while, if you're attractive, otherwise she will slowly move on. Once you have an argument, she will suddenly tell you that she doesn't love you. She has been waiting for this.

I'm not chad, being generous i'm maybe 7.5/10 (i have nice hair and decent features.), but I constantly pull well above my weight, quickly. But I am a broken man, sometimes I allow my weakness to leak and want to believe that a woman actually cares about how you feel. They don't. They can only care about your surface level issues (Such as you had an argument with a friend, or issues that arent particularly deep.)

I loved a woman. We were together for over 2 years. Things were great when I kept everything to myself, and just listened to her issues. Once I had barely even started to open up about how i felt, my insecurities, my sadness, my anxiety, we slowly drifted. Sexually she was attracted to me, but she had stopped being emotionally attracted to me at some point. I realised I was never actually loved, I had tricked myself into believing that she wanted to hear about my weakness. Her idea of me was shattered, I was no longer the confident, always funny, conversational, charming person. I was just a broken man with deeper issues. Over the course of our relationship, I had opened up about certain things, such as family. But I'll always remember how she responded. Disinterest, spouting platitudes (like everything will get better).

Over the past few months since she left, I've been meeting women (and these women are virgins, not any if at all boy experience). (For reference i'm 20, they're usually 17-19 years old.), and even then, they are the same. They just want to be sexually dominated and feel powerless. (Consensual, of course). Any time I showed some weakness (Such as talking about some personal) they would pull away, and seem sexually disinterested the next time I'd see them. A relationship I ended up getting into the sexual activities were great, I was her first boyfriend, and I let myself go and started showing a lot of weakness, and in the week passing we argued about something, and she broke up with me.

I'm just ranting really, but I'm just sad. Is this always the truth? Surely my interactions have just been coincidental? Its a small sample size of 8 women. Are broken men doomed to be broken? I just want to die when I think about it. If women who show interest in me don't even truly want "me", just the "me" that is always strong, why should i bother? I don't have friends i can talk about my thoughts to. Or family. I'm just alone. I've always felt like a performance monkey. I have to put on the facade of happiness, confidence, and being funny to be able to be part of social groups. Is this what women want?