So I'm not even sure how to say this, so please forgive me for the wall of text. My and my Fiancee have been together for 10 years, and we've been engaged for 5. Recently things have been very rocky for us. In fact i've been trying to get us help for years. I had been supporting her financially full time for over two years. I took jobs abroad in order to help bolster our savings. I paid everything for the house, bills and all, while sending her extra money. When I moved back home this routine continued. I would pay for everything, and end up having to borrow her money that never was repaid. She was also emotionally and physically unavailable. She started going out on weekends "with friends". I started to ask her to stay home on some weekends so we could hang out, and she would get upset telling me that she's severely depressed, and hanging out with her friends was the only thing that made her happy. She would tell me I was a jerk etc for trying to take that away from her. I finally reached by breaking point and went through her phone. I discovered that she's been cheating on me with another, and at that point I don't know how long.
I confronted her on it, and she admitted to cheating. She tried to tell me that it's because I didn't try hard enough. That I should have forced her into counseling because she was depressed, and that simply talking about it wasn't enough. She proceeded to ask me to work through it, but unfortunately I had hit my breaking point. She then had the audacity to ask me if I could continue to help her out with money while we tried to "fix things". I told her it was over.
This is when all the lies started to crumble down. She had told me a lot about her past, how she was adopted, how her adoptive parents beat her, and were abusive towards her. How they had stolen over $20000 from her. She told me about the time she was raped by her step father. Told me that she dropped out of university because of the theft from her parents. She told me how she had a gambling problem in the past, but was over it. She told me about abusive boyfriends that raped her. Recently she bought a new car. She has awful credit and needed a co-signer. I declined because she was in debt and I was already helping out, and she was stressed from payments already. I told her that it would be a bad decision. She said her Dad would cosign instead, and cover the first two years of payments. She told her Dad that I cosigned, and she told her dad that I cosigned. The new guy was the co-signer.
I also found out I wasn't the only person giving her money. When she sold her old car to a friend of ours, they made a deal that her friend would make bi-weekly payments. My fiancee came to me to complain that this person wasn't making payments, and that she needed more money from me to help out. Turns out my friend was making payments the whole time, and my ex was lying about it. She was also telling her father that I was having financial problems and she was paying my bills. To help out he recently gave her over $20,000. Along with other payments along the way. She was also talking to friends of friends borrowing money off them too. After putting together all the pieces, I discovered that this relationship has been going on for longer than the few months she said it was. I found proof that her and this guy have been looking for houses together right around August.
The same time that he co-signed for her car. After talking to other people, I found out that nothing she told me about her childhood is true. Her adoptive parents are her real parents. She was never raped, her dad never stole money. She never went to university, infact, when I was picking her up there, she was finishing her Grade 12 because she dropped out. I also found out that her Gambling habit was way worse than I thought. That she had a previous addiction to cocaine, and is probably sitting with 70-80 thousand in debt right now.
Basically everything over the past 10 years was a straight up lie. I guess I should be thankful I found out now before I had kids or anything. I got out of this only having given her $30000, and a 1/3 of my life.
I've decided that I'm going to seek counseling by myself to resolve the trust issues she's left me with. I'm just honestly floored that someone could lie like this. And now I'm starting my journey to healing by sharing it out there.
Please, don't be as trusting as me. When red flags start popping up, do yourself a favour and look into them. It may just save you time, money, and heartbreak.
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