This will be kinda long story and I don't speak English since I live in South Korea. So, thanks ahead.
Like 1 month ago, I got dumped by my gf. She said she doesn't love me anymore and I was kinda aware of that for several weeks. But It doesn't mean that I was devastated. I really loved her for almost three years and altho we met in highschool and kinda really young to get anything serious, I was really planning about the whole thing.
Before I got dumped, we have been fighting a lot. I mean A LOT. I got kinda strict parents and since I couldn't go out and spend a night with her as much as she wanted, that always ended up with a big fight. She wanted me to spend more time with her and I just couldn't. For that, both my parents and my gf are kinda disappointed about not spending much time with them. But I can assure that I was very devoted to her. I mean srsly all of her friends envied her being loved by me and I knew it. I deleted every single girl on my contact and blocked them on my KakaoTalk(which is some sort of ripoff of Whatsapp.) for her.
So back to the main story, yes I was devastated and called her crying for like 2 hours. (btw she ended this whole 3 years of relationship via text message. bummer.) She was very determined and I kinda gave up. After that, I deleted everything about her on my phone and such. I really wanted to move on and I tried so hard. Playing League of legends really helps you btw.
While I was getting rid of things and trying desperately to move on, for like 40 minutes later, she texted. Said she wanted to meet me and to start things again (I said that I want her to touch my face like she used to when I called her for 2 hours before and she quoted that. Saying that she too wanted to touch my face just like she used to.). I was very confused. And tired. I had absolutely no strength left so I said "Not now, maybe tomorrow. I'm just so tired". And she was PISSED about that. Saying "it's funny of you how someone who cried for 2 hours saying "Just meet me now and we can make this out" doesn't want to meet me now.". After that I was very worried thinking that I kicked off my last chance of being with her again. I panicked. She was so angry that she said she doesn't want it any more. My moving-on thing was totally sabotaged by her. For like 4-5 hours I spent my time worrying and panicked. But I ended up talking through her and got chance to meet her again.
So I took a bus for 1 hour and met her in 8 p.m. We met each other in front of her apartment and barely talked. After few words, I ended up giving her choice. And she hugged me as an answer. We, then, decided to start things again. Yup, since then, I'm seeing her again.
But the thing is, the very moment I got hugged, I got this mixed feeling that I'm still getting until now. I was relived and regretted at the same time. Can I really trust this woman who just ended the whole 3 years of relationship by text? Should I trust the woman who got angry for not accepting her move when I was totally devastated and exhausted?
In Korea, every adult male has to go to military to serve their country for about 2 years. Damn Kim jung un. I was aware of this since the moment I started to think about this relationship seriously. It's really a hard thing for both man and a woman and I knew it. But I really trusted her. I've hardly had any worries about that 2 years of unwanted separation. I thought she really would wait for me. But now, I just can't trust her. I get crazy whenever I think about her. We fight like always for not having a sleepover with her. I like spending night with her. But I'm really tired being wanted to be with her every possible time. It's not that I never told her about self-time. She just doesn't get it.
Before she dumped me, It was exhausting but nice to meet her for like 6 times a week. But now, I need self-time more than anytime. Besides, she wants me to pick her up at her work every weekend where it takes 2 hours to get there. I'm not even sure that I'm doing things to her because I love her. I just can't even remember life without her. Every single hightschool memories are filled up with her. All of my closet female friends are gone because she hated her and I have almost 0 friend.
If she keeps being with me, I think I'm going to lose my sanity. But If she's not with me, I think I'm going to lose my sanity. It's like a mental-checkmate. Whole thing is F-ed up.
idk what I want from posting this but I really needed tell the whole story to someone and all of my friends are also hers' so I couldn't tell them. Any ideas, questions, etc... are welcome. Just help me not to lose my sanity that soon. I think I'm going to lose one anyway near future.
Sorry for my bad English and Thank you for reading this whole thing. I knew this would be a long story but wow. I don't think that anyone would read the whole thing.
Ps. She and I are both 19.
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