So who should you marry?

You should NOT be looking for love. Look for a business partner instead. You want someone who speaks and understands your language as much as you understand theirs.

Look for the girl at the place with a pony tail, simply dressed, a little bit of make-up, head and shoulders up and back with a huge fucking smile on her face and a gorgeous laugh. She needs to be able to make YOU laugh as much as you make her laugh and you should sense her trying to make that effort at all times. When she walks into the room or group, you should feel the mood change in a positive way. People see her and their faces become bright and they seek her out in parties or for conversation. She should understand that chivalry is reciprocated with grace and vica-versa. She should be able to roll- with-it but also have clear boundaries that she can communicate in a productive and solutions-oriented way. No pouting, no double-standards, no entitlement, no drama. If she isn’t making the effort to reach out to you to meet up and to understand who you are at an equal pace to you, walk away ASAP. She should be able to play with you the way that you like to play and vica-versa. She should be able to have fun with your friends pretty easily and understand and cooperate with the nuances of your circle and family. Avoid honey-pots (hot but totally useless girls). Avoid girls with a pigs vagina injected into their face instead of a mouth with normal lips. Real, properly maintained eyebrows can tell you a massive amount about a woman just like your shoes tell her a lot about who you are. If she’s in school, forget her. If she’s married, forget her. If she’s separated, use her. If she has young children, forget her (run away!). If she’s solid but has kids and you still want to go for it, find out how her relationship is with her ex. Shitty ex = run. If she is unreasonably hostile towards her ex, fucking run! If she’s a weird drunk or regular drunk or regular pot head, forget her (that’s only going to come back in spades when she has her kids, only she’ll turn into a pill popper who thinks “rose all day” is a good thing). If she has large tattoos or tattoos that are a paragraph of whiny dramatic bullshit, forget her. If she saves multiple reality TV shows on her PVR, forget her. If she can’t put her fucking Insta down, forget her (maximum 1 selfie per month). If she is broke as fuck and has no prospects, forget her. Nurses, shift-workers, social workers, lawyers, EMT’s, basically any human services worker should be avoided. If her car is a broke ass messy piece of shit, forget her.

Find a woman who is 80% business and 20% romantic bullshit. Challenge the strength of the relationship by saying you are going to move away for 3 months to take a short-term opportunity. See how she reacts. You want someone who understands what it means to be in a tribe. She will put the tribe ahead of her own self-interests. If she can’t do it, tell her to fuck off. She’s trash. There’s more to this, but I’m tired. This should narrow them down pretty significantly. Take a chance on the girl you want rather than the girl you think you should have.

Your dick is going to tell you lies about every woman. Don’t listen to your dick. The best thing about getting older is that your dick still works awesome, but you know when it is just insanely fucking with your head. Bad dick. Best way to know if your dick is lying to you is to snap one off in the parking lot just before you go and meet her… if you’re still in the mood to put up with her bullshit, you may have found a keeper.

Why should you get married:

Get married for children. This should be the only reason to get married. So make sure you both get your bits checked out for functionality by a doctor BEFORE you buy a ring and sign the contract.

Get a fucking contract up-front that says you get 50/50 custody in case of divorce or don’t get married and definitely don’t have kids. Put a copy of the marriage certificate in the shitter and stare at it every day to remind yourself that you have contractual obligations to fulfill. Most importantly, if you do everything right and you do have children, you MUST do everything in your power to stay married. After children come on board, they are the only thing that matters.

One of the most important things you can do when thinking about marriage is to first think of yourself as a married 80 year-old man. What does an 80 year old man want? He wants someone younger, with more energy/healthier, that can do shit for him because he wants to be left alone and he’s about to die. He doesn’t want an empowered woman who can’t cook or won’t clean. Seriously… look at the 80 year old men out there who are still happily married… They admire and cherish and dote over their wives and respect them because their wives appreciate, honour and respect them with sincerity. There is a mutual service that they both acknowledge and appreciate.

Contemplating divorce:

So now you’re living in the basement. Time to plan. Plan to continue to stay married for at least another year or two until you are properly in order. Just fucking tough it out. Long game here fellas. Start to establish very passively via observation of other failing relationships that you would not hesitate to go full scorched earth if you were in their shoes. That you would quit your job and happily go to jail for not paying spousal support. That you would tell the kids their mommy sent you to jail because you wouldn’t pay for her dinners out with her new boyfriend and her alcohol addiction. Tell her that you would ruin every Christmas, Halloween, birthday, dance recital etcetera forever. Don’t ever say it publicly though and deny it if she says something about it.

Do not fight about anything trivial, but always fight when “the best interests of the child” are not being met. Get everything in writing. Be father-of-the-year and make sure to tell everyone, everywhere you go that she has a bit of an anger problem and sometimes you worry about how aggressively she talks to you and the kids. She drinks alone etcetera. Trust me, she is already doing this to you behind your back so just make sure to learn passive aggressiveness as soon as possible and get in the game. Make sure to confide in her girlfriends too (but leave their husbands out of it). Ask them if they notice this “behaviour” and ask how they are able to “handle it so well”. I’m not kidding; women hate other women, even their best friend. They will stab that bitch in the back for no other reason than just to experience the sensationalist feelings that their SSRI’s used to provide and knowing that her frineds marriage is failing but not her own (yet) is just awesome to them.

Best way to beat a woman is to make her feel like she is not part of the group. Get her ‘round the outside and she’ll start bucking. Go to parties with friends as much as possible. Ignore her and be cold the entire time you are headed there and then put on a huge happy face as soon as you walk in the door… she’ll pout the whole time that you were ignoring her and people will doubt her credibility as a result and think she is just being an asshole to you. They’ll think she’s the problem. Win all the friends over. Isolate her.

Get your own bank account and create a joint account but get her name on all of the credit cards except one and then use her cards for everything bullshit. Memorize the number. Always pay for all of the household necessities with YOUR credit card (utilities, groceries, kids school things, family memberships and all family related activities) and never pay for any of the stoopid shit that she wants to do. Imagine that you are trying to show a court where each person’s financial priorities are by only using your credit card/bank statements. Get it?

Find a buddy that is a mortgage broker or financial advisor and get him to write some shit down about how you need to improve your credit score and the best way to do that is to have a separate account each with a joint account for everything common. Tell her it will look better to creditors. This way you will be incentivizing her to approve the decision by showing her that she is going to get more access to “our” credit if she goes along with it.

If you have a rental property, sell half of it to your friend or family and make sure that their name goes on title… or push it into a holding corp with multiple “investors”. Say it’s for tax purposes. This way, you are forced to sell it when you get divorced (because your friend(s) will demand this in your partnership agreement via a small-print shotgun clause), You must use any post-sale proceeds to pay down any joint debt. Magic.

Move out of the family home and rent. Even if you can’t sell it, turn it into a rental so that it will be considered an asset and doesn’t automatically become hers when you separate. Convince her that you want to move closer to a better school or closer to work so that you can spend more time with her. Closer to friends so that you can have more parties. You’ll be able to write off the interest on the property too which will help the tax position down the road. You can rent a pretty sweet place these days for cheap. Make it happen. Sign a lease that is month to month, not fixed term so you can exit with 90 days notice. But, sign a fixed term agreement for the family home that you own that locks them in for the entire term… see where I’m going here?

Start hording cash like crazy. Every time you go to the cash machine get $200 out and when you get in the car, give her $40 and then stash $160 (or as much as possible). Take cash out at the grocery store or throw a few gift cards on the tab and pay debit or credit. She’s never going to see a receipt. Pay for a huge meal with your card and collect cash from the other participants. Whatever you gotta do just start to stash cash (but don’t put it in a safe deposit box). It’s going to cost you about 10K to set up a new spot when you decide its time to pull out. First months rent and DD + 3K retainer for the lawyer and about 3K for new household items (go to the auctions to save on household items). You’re gonna want to leave her in the rental for 3 months with all your old shit and you’ll have to cover 50% of the rent there too. It’ll look good in court if she challenges.

Whether you are married or not, get a corporation in a family members name and transfer everything of importance over to that corp. Make sure you don’t own more than 49%. There are lawyers that can structure this for you even if you are married. Get on it!

If you are the only income earner, transfer your wife a small “allowance” into a joint account that she will then use to pay for her stoopid shit while your pay will go to paying for necessities. Show the court that she does not need spousal support.

Max out your credit cards before you spend a penny in actual cash.

Buy a new wardrobe on credit cards and keep it at your friends place. You’ll be wearing these clothes when you pull out.

Stop buying shit. Stop buying her shit. Stop buying any shit. Seriously. Make every excuse possible. No boats, no lake homes… nothing.

Tell her to start a small business at home and claim that it is so that you can write off part of your home. If she doesn’t want to, make sure to tell all of her friends that she is doing it before she decides to do it and how proud of her you are for wanting to prove how strong of a woman she is. Force her hand. If she is any good at her shitty candle business, you will have it as leverage when she tries to come after your 60” TV and your seasons tickets. If she sucks, you still have emotional and financial leverage about how she never contributed even though she could have and was a failure as a spouse and partner.

Install firefox as the primary browser on her computer and then make sure she uses the “save password” function. Then go in and find all of her passwords. Google it. Be disciplined here, don’t be sloppy.

Get memberships to things you can do with your kids and then always use your card to get them in. Steal her card and hide it so that she has to use your card whenever she has to take the kids somewhere. When you get to court, she cannot prove that she was in fact the person who took the children when it was your card used every time. You are dad of the year.

In the final 90 days before you walk, sign her up for a couple of different dating websites using her email or one that could reasonably be construed to belong to her (wink wink). Hit on a few guys here and there… maybe even get a throw away phone to text with. Have some fun with it. “Find it” in the final 30 days hidden in her underwear drawer and show her friends before you confront her about it. Game face.

Gather the troops. Get your boys on board and make sure you have an actual place to go if you can’t get into a rental for whatever reason. Use the bro-code here and don’t be a cock about it. Pay the guy, don’t bring drama to his house and don’t fuck whores in his house (at least not while he’s there). If you really have great big salty balls, you will try to stay in her best friend’s house.

Don’t get caught near another woman unless it is her best friend. If you have a side piece, use an encrypted messenger app that deletes the conversation upon exit from the app and won’t allow screenshots. Be disciplined here. Tell no one.

Make very very good friends with her Dad. Ladies will be much less interested in fucking you over if their dad’s don’t approve of it. Just make sure not to be a cock about this either... don’t strangle the bitch so badly that she has to move back in with her parents. Hell knows the last thing he needs in his life is another bitch in it and he’ll take it out on you. I would.

During Separation – Protect the children. Live separately. Be a good dad, but don’t over-dad. Show up at school and make friends with the kid’s teachers but be very cautious, teachers fucking hate overcompensating divorced dads and they can smell that bullshit from a mile a way. Start exercising (this will totally fuck with her head because you are definitely better looking than she is at this point). Eat healthy and avoid booze and definitely stay away from drugs. Be cool. Don’t take the bait when she brings out the drama. Say as little as possible. Be robotic and methodical in your responses. You are your own PR firm now. You are Hillary Clinton (public and private personas). De-escalate. Own your shit again. Imagine a judge is reading every text or email you send. If you fucked up, cry about it to her best girlfriend and then say how you “always felt very on the edge with her in the house, even the kids felt it”, “like walking on egg shells”. Then try and get the sympathy fuck down the road as she watches how you are so focused on the best interests of the children.

If she cheated on you tell the kids she cheated on you and then when she goes ballistic, quietly whisper that if she tries to take a nickel from you that you will destroy her life and theirs too; that you will stop at nothing to ruin her in every respect. When she tells her friends what you did, shake your head and start crying and tell them that you just couldn’t take her lies and broke down and told the kids because you were so fucked up and how horrible you felt that she would make up a story that you would say something like that to her! How could she say that you did that? It doesn’t even make sense. She just cannot be trusted. Her friends will side with you.

Post divorce:

Celebrate. Fuck a black girl. Fuck a small freckled red head who makes minimum wage. Fuck an Indian girl in her father’s bed while grandma is watching wheel of fortune in the other room. Just a rainbow of fucking. Piss in your kitchen sink because its closer. Shit, don’t flush or wash your hands and then put the seat up when you leave. Switch to straight Jack Daniels, neat. Eat hot salsa with cilantro in it just because that bitch hates cilantro and spicy things. Show up to work drunk from the wild Tuesday night you had. Go on a ski trip with your buddies and get fucked up on shrooms. Buy an older rig with a shit ton of horsepower. Just be a fucking man again.

Accidental pregnancy:

Girl got pregnant and she wants the baby and you don’t... what are your options? If you aren’t married, then you have some very slick options (married? You’re fucked). Tell her that you cannot wait to take a paternity test. Oh and paternity leave too! You intend to pursue 50/50 in all respects. Tell her that you and your mother or your best female friend will want to be present for every doctor’s meeting and that you will sue her if she tries to take the baby from you. Insist that you will fight to be with the child 50% of the time from day one and that she had better learn to pump fast. Start talking to her about the weird school you insist the kid goes to and all the different programs you are going to go for. Never agree to any name she chooses for the child and insist on calling it by the name that you chose like Misty, Penelope, Sterling or Conrad. Tell her that you will delay the birth certificate until you agree on a name so that she will be denied from collecting any benefits unless she plays ball. Just give her a snapshot of the torturous hell you are going to put her through. She will fold.

Women naturally lack empathy, accountability and responsibility and they have a biological sense of entitlement to everything. It is supported and reinforced everywhere, always. We will never change this unless we start to realize that the only thing woman value more than money is sperm. DELAY MARRIAGE AND WITHHOLD THE SPERM UNTIL THEY LEARN TO PLAY FAIR OR ARE FORCED TO PLAY FAIR. We need to get this magical message out there and start to shift the power back where it belongs.

Sisterhood is fuck all in comparison to what brotherhood is. Brothers are capable of understanding implicit trust and selfless valour. Sisters will help a sister out as long as it doesn’t threaten their well-being. We all know this is just basic female behaviour. Men will never be able to find a woman that loves them the way that a man loves a woman. Old grey haired weird people from 400 years ago wrote about this and nothing has changed.

The feminist movement has almost won the cultural war against men. We are openly hated, mocked, trivialized, stereotyped and degraded. Everywhere I go I talk to men who are tired of it. It’s right below the surface and believe me we are talking. It’s only making our brotherhood stronger. Time to fight back, and hard. There is still plenty of war to fight and its time we looked to our brothers to start blowing the whistle and jumping out of the trenches.

For the ladies reading this who are a little nervous about the associated “truths” mentioned above, I have some advice for you:

First of all, this thing above is pretty extreme and should be taken as an exaggeration in spots. It’s designed to punch you in the face so that you get really mad and then start to think. You can think I’m an asshole all you want, but ignoring it is going to guarantee it happens to you. And I can tell you that divorce is brutal. Being away from your children is devastating both for you and them. Stop acting like this stuff isn’t real. Stop denying human biology and trying to change men into something they aren’t and something that you really do not want. I see younger men now and they look like they’ve been dressed up by a teenage girl and they act and speak like weaklings. They’re embarrassing and I cannot see how a strong, graceful, articulate, intelligent and motivated woman would be even slightly attracted to a man like that. SoyBoys, Beta Boys, Incels. Gross. I fully concede that men are not innocent. Men are not perfect, not even close. When it comes to this stuff, we tend to do as the pack does because we aren’t going to reinvent the wheel. We need help. Tell us what to do but don’t be a shit bird about it. We need a recipe, but don’t always have all the ingredients and skills. Cooperate. Drop the double standards. Have some patience. Stop the drama. Engage honestly and learn to communicate in a balanced way… which means men will need to do the same and I can tell you they will be much more motivated to do so if you are on board with that concept. Stop the pushing and pulling. You aren’t always going to get what you want. You aren’t entitled to what you see on TV just as we are not entitled to what we see on pornhub. Remember that a long-term successful relationship is 20% love and 80% business. Despite what you may think, 50/50 partnership is what men actually want. We would love it if you wore the pants 50% of the time and took a leadership role more often. The problem is that not everyone is good at everything. I personally suck at cooking and cleaning and doing my taxes. But I’m really good at my job and being a dad and taking care of major issues that arise. I suck with emotional conversations and am generally skeptical and disagreeable, but also am extremely considerate and supportive and will lay down in traffic for my wife. I look horrible when I take my clothing off, but I don’t piss and moan about it and do my best to make it better (or at least not make it worse). Take initiative in every aspect of the relationship and don’t get lazy. Treat it like you are spinning 6 plates… when one starts to wobble, get off your ass and get it spinning again. If you aren’t getting what you want, try to find a way to say it without being passive aggressive. Passive aggressive behaviour is a boner ender. Try and find a way to motivate your partner to do those things you want of their own volition rather than out of obligation or guilt. If you are an emotional thinker and decision maker and it’s not working for him, take a course on how to see it his way or get some male advice. That doesn’t mean you have to do it his way or use the course to manipulate him, its just so that you can have some empathy and better understand why things are the way they are in his head. Don’t worry about your body so much. We don’t really give a fuck what you look like (seriously) as long as you have a killer smile and a fun playful attitude. I mean use some common sense and do what you would expect your partner to do when it comes to your body but forget plastic surgery and botox. Stop with the sweat/yoga pants though ffs. Have some grace and learn to shut your mouth every once in a while.

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