Cross posted from r/nuclearrevenge

Many moons ago, I'm in the Army and the wife and I are on the rocks, relationship-wise.

She's seeing an MP on the side, leaving me with the kids. That's OK by me because if she's happy, the divorce will be easier.

Well, one week, she doesn't come home until 9:00 - 9:30, looooonng after I need to be at work. (Thank God my supervisor knows the situation). We have an argument and she leaves and goes home to mama.

Leaves me with a 2 year old and a 4 year old(!?).

Her family doesn't believe the lies she tells about me, especially since she abandoned the kids with me, so she comes back.

I'm suspicious, but open to finishing the divorce.

She has a plan, however, and one day, she files charges against me for child abuse. Her thinking is, she'll get custody of the kids, a huge advantage in court, and look like the victim to her family.

When I hear about the warrant for my arrest, I go to the MP Station to turn myself in. (Not gonna let them make a show of arresting me.)

WELL, WELL, LOOK AT WHO THE DESK SERGEANT IS!! Her boyfriend!

It takes me a couple of minutes to realize that he's ignorant of what she's done.

Perfect. I start insisting on talking to the PMO (Army version of Police Commissioner)

He wants NOTHING to do with this. Arresting an Officer is hazardous to your career, if something goes wrong, and it's about to.

He declines, I insist.

He demurs, I remain emphatic.

He delays, I demand

He screams, red faced, "NO!", I explain thusly:

"Your case against me is already compromised, through no fault of your own. HOWEVER; when I speak to JAG, I will tell them that you had the opportunity to fix it and declined to do your job. So, so I tell THEM or do I tell YOU?"

Through gritted teeth, he hissed, "What the flock is compromised about your arrest?"

"Would it interest you to know that your Desk Sergeant, Sergeant Smith, has been flocking my WIFE for the last six months?"

I smiled, sat on those rock hard leather couches the gubment is famous for, lit a cigarette under the No Smoking sign, put my feet up on their coffee table and watched the resulting carnage with relish.

End result.

Sergeant became a Corporal and was reassigned. Wife (ex now) lost her boyfriend, lawyer (who helped plan this) and the divorce, because the judge, hearing this, shook his head, looked at me and asked me what terms I would agree to.

I gave him our separation agreement (child support only, no spousal support) and he wrote it into the divorce, the hammer fell, and it was over.

Edit: Removed from NuclearRevenge because the outcome was a (rather boring) divorce. (Jeesh!)