I now see multiple posts a day from people who are CF and state that their partners are not, even if it isn't the focal point of the post. The story goes something like this, typically: "I don't want kids but my partner does but it's okay because they love me so much that they'd sacrifice kids for me!"
Stop. At the risk of being a bingoer myself, the chances of this being permanent and without resentment are unbelievably slim. This scenario will more likely end in one or more of these ways, none of them desirable IMO:
- You eventually have kids.
- Your partner eventually leaves for someone who does want kids.
- Your partner goes along with the childfree stance, but quietly resents you for it.
- Your partner goes along with the childfree stance and sabotages your birth control method. (Hopefully the least likely, but it's been known to happen.)
Some partners do well and truly change their stance and can be contently childfree. Recognize that this is the exception, the extreme exception, and not the rule. We hate being told that we're going to change our minds. Don't sit around and hope that your SO will change theirs. I adore my partner and we've already begun saving up for a house, but if he came to me tomorrow and said that he wanted kids, I'd take my savings contributions and run for the damn hills.
"bUt wE LoOoOoVe eAcH OtHeR"
If sheer love could make every relationship work out, we'd probably have a hell of a lot fewer breakups and divorces. It doesn't matter that you have the same hobbies. Doesn't matter that you have the same sense of humor. Doesn't matter if you like watching true crime documentaries together with your dog sitting between y'all. If you can't agree on kids, you might as well just be friends.
Life is TOO SHORT for this nonsense. Your sole options are to capitulate to their desire to have children, sit around and hope they change their minds, or break up. That third option sounds pretty good to me. There are millions of people on this planet who are childfree. There's no such thing as The One. You can and will find love with someone more compatible for you!
Rant over!
ETA: This is more aimed toward folks whose partners are firmly not childfree, rather than fencesitters.
ETA2: Thanks for silver! Also, just to continue to clarify -- I am NOT talking about fencesitters. I am strictly talking about childfree people who are dating others that are basically like "um yes i would absolutely LOVE kids someday it's a dream of mine :)))"
