Older MGTOW (30+) - what's your social life like?

ky_biker · 2018-08-13T05:47:00+00:00

I shoot pool and ride motorcycles. I have many friends and if I’m not at work I always have bros to hang out with. It really doesn’t take much. Be there for them and they will be there for you. Just make sure your bike only has a solo seat on it so you can’t give an asking thot a ride.

DWShimoda · 2018-08-13T08:48:10+00:00

Depends on what you define as an "active social life."

I feel I have to be rather blunt here and speak a brutal truth which you probably WON'T yet comprehend. ESPECIALLY if you're still a "youngun" and still attending (or recently graduated from) some kind of a "schooling" system, then you ~~probably~~ almost definitely (still) have a very "skewed" idea of what constitutes a "normal" adult "social life."

Particularly if you are still in some "compulsory" schooling stage (high school, etc) then you're used to:

You follow (and your friends follow) a very "regimented/categorized" day/week/life: i.e. you & your classmates (among whom are most of your "friends") probably all show up at the same location, maybe even the same building, at about the same time... every day; day after day, week after week, etc.
You go about your typical day following a "set schedule" of classes, with certain (clock & bell) defined breaks during which you can & do easily meet up with your friends (or at least the ones who have similar classes/schedules to yours).
IOW you have a very "structured" social life that is (whether you realize it or not) IMPOSED upon you from above (you might have some illusion of "choice" but the reality is that those choices, such as they are, are from a very limited and arbitrary set of options).

College is a bit different... and yet not THAT different:

There is generally STILL a "central" location (a campus, possibly even on/near campus housing/dorms), and buildings/rooms within those buildings that are specifically & regularly (daily) used for/by people with specific interests (studies/majors, etc).
Most likely your "social group" will (yet again) be a RESULT of that environment: Oh to be sure you may (again) believe you have "choices" that you're freely able to become friends with and socialize with anyone you want... but again, those "choices" are (whether you realize it or not) artificially & somewhat arbitrarily limited AND in certain ways "imposed" upon you.
You WILL most likely be "socializing" with people who are about the same age/stage in life as yourself -- which give you something "in common" right off the bat (and more than you think) -- because similar ages probably means lots of "cultural commonalities" (music & movie & other "references").
And it will likely -- because of the "artificiality" of structured schooling-- be associating with & around people who (probably) have similar "interests" (as expressed by choice of major/studies), and who's schedules (when & where they are, including breaks/time WITHOUT classes) will likely overlap your own, and yet also still be ON or near the same main "campus" ...
Thus the whole works combine to create opportunities for "socializing" and what you then perceive as an "active social life."

The actual ADULT (working world) reality -- with a few exceptions like prisons & military (and perhaps some large mega-corp employer factories/offices) -- is a **vastly different place, an almost entirely different "world"**...

To begin with, for most people, there is no "central location" that EVERYONE meets up at/around... certainly not on DAILY repetitive basis; and not with some "preset" schedule that everyone follows. (There are, or in the past were some things -- like religious/church services -- where there might be a weekly gathering or two that "everyone" attends regularly... at a set time, set location, certain "scheduled" activities & breaks; and they did/do then create "social interaction" opportunities; both at/around that event/location as well as possibly outside of it.)
Next the people (other adults) you ARE around, are -- again for most people -- almost certainly a significantly different "mixture" of ages, different stages in life, and probably a pretty wide array of interests & priorities (often NOT related to the thing {the "job/workl"} that brings you together) and which probably don't coincide with your own (assuming if you are even AWARE of each others' personal/private life, interests & activities).
Finally, yes just about everyone has "FAMILY" -- even UNMARRIED people who are not "in a relationship" very likely have "family" (and/or some array of "old friends" from outside of the present job/work/environment) -- to whom they have commitments & obligations, and who then occupy THEIR "free time"... generally the LAST thing anyone wants to do is "get together with coworkers" (in no small part because if there is any "problem" created by that kind of an "outside of work fraternization" ... well it can {likely WILL} put your job/livelihood at risk).

So the end result is that, yes "work" provides a certain TYPE of "social" outlet (per above rather self-limiting). Then outside of work family & "old" friends provide another "social outlet"; and very likely some "side interests/activities" (could be some sports thing, could be church or politics, could be some hobby/craft) provide yet another...

But generally speaking MOST of those DON'T "overlap"; and because they don't overlap they each tend to LIMIT the degree & amount of "socializing" that can be done within any one group of people. (IOW, it takes a lot LONGER -- in terms of time-- to really "get to know" someone.)

EDIT: Also, one's perception of "time" (and what constitutes a "friend"; especially an "old/good/best friend") changes as well.

When you were a VERY young kid (elementary school years, single-digit ages), your "best/oldest friend(s)" were probably other kids you had "known" for maybe year or two -- and that SEEMED like a loooong time for a couple of reasons: 1) you probably "met" and interacted just about every day of the week (at least 5 out of 7 days). 2) since you ARE (were) so young, you had no long-past-history of friends to compare them to (i.e. discounting siblings/family; your "new" school friend is almost automatically also your "oldest/longest" friend). 3) because of #2, it's pretty easy for someone to "get to know you" because, well there isn't all that much to "get to know"; especially... 4) you likely haven't (yet) been "burnt";you're likely pretty open to becoming friends because you haven't (yet) LOST any; they haven't moved away (or died or otherwise left you in the lurch), you haven't gotten into fights and none of them have yet "betrayed" you, etc.

As you got older -- reached teenage/high school years -- that changed a bit: now "old" friends are probably a separate category from "new" friends; but even still an "old"friend is probably someone you've known for only a handful of years.

Age a bit more and head off to college, and you probably START "losing" contact with at least some of those "old" friends... as you (or they) head in different directions, to different locations (even different states/regions/countries). But you probably DON'T worry (not too much), because there seems to be a compensation: LOTS of new people (especially as colleges generally have a much LARGER total number of people your age than your high school did), means LOTS of possibilities... or at least so it seems (and my in fact for a while occur).

But you've also now got more "baggage" -- you're a LOT more "complex" person (at least compared to single-digit age "kid" version) with a much longer history, past relationships/friendships, possibly one or more (maybe several, and MAJOR) changes in your "interests/activities/hobbies" -- etc. In short, it's probably going to be BIT harder for someone to really become a "close" friend to you, and vice versa.

Also, now... someone you may have known for a year or so... is likely STILL categorized in your mind as a "new" friend, maybe even just an "acquaintance" rather than really (at lest NOT yet) a "friend"; much less an "old/best friend."

Leave college for the working world, and all of the "changes" that happened with college... (change of location, change of social circle, LOSS of contact with {now "old" college friends) happens yet AGAIN. Moreover there ARE no "guarantees" -- less probability that any "coworker" (or guy who lives next-door in the apartment building) will still even BE there X months from now. Maybe they get fired, maybe they quit, get a new/different job, move somewhere else... etc. CAN happen to ANY of them (or you) at ANY point in time... in fact almost certainly WILL happen with MANY of them (and/or multiple times with YOU).

Add on the fact that you're probably a LOT "busier" -- pulled in various directions by family, work, side interests, etc -- and you have LESS available time to "socialize" with any new people you meet (and again vice versa)...

All of which ends up meaning... that the "new" coworker you've been starting to become friends with over the past 6 months to a year... is still more or less - in terms of chances you've had to actually "socialize" with them -- akin to the "new kid at school" when he's only been there a month (and then his family moves away). Then of course, YOU may be that "new" coworker... and you only work there (possibly only live in that town/region) for 6 months, a year or two.

Which -- in terms of your ADULT "perception of time" -- is no longer such a HUGE span of time... in fact, it goes by in a "blink." (Was that guy REALLY working here a whole year? Seems like he just started yesterday, etc.)

But again, I can describe all of that, you can read it and sort of "intellectually" understand it... but you aren't likely to TRULY "comprehend" the reality of it until you've experienced it yourself.

2018-08-13T15:29:22+00:00

I'm 51. I was married in 2006 and divorced in 2013. My social life is limited, because that is what I want. I have a local club I belong that meets once a month and I spend most weekends visiting with my brother who is single. I also have a couple of outside friends I see occasionally. I am not looking for more right now. My career involves speaking to people all day long so at the end of the day, I just want to shut up and read a book. I am extremely content and enjoy the silence of home, except for getting nudged by my dog when it's walking time.

Bariwhite · 2018-08-13T08:57:44+00:00

Digital nomad. I backpack around the world working remotely over the internet. Left an LTR after she cheated this year, been to 20+ countries since lol

ballsdeepacademic- · 2018-08-13T16:12:18+00:00

Riding my motorcycle, painting, making tons of cash, playing the stock markets, and going to school. Oh I’m also building a house for myself on some property I bought years ago.

ThrowawayGhostGuy1 · 2018-08-13T05:59:55+00:00

My job involves being social. It’s good in a way, because I can see first hand AWALT in action daily. It keeps my red pills updated.

norcal_pro · 2018-08-13T08:14:29+00:00

Still transitioning out of a failed LTR. I'm getting together with friends, learning new languages, using my capabilities to the maximum.

2018-08-13T06:38:22+00:00

I hang out with friends a few times a week, I work, and I game. Bitch drama never gets in the way of any of it.

cafeorange · 2018-08-13T07:09:15+00:00

Definitely hard to meet my buddy now hes married with kids. Work and kids takes up all of him time. His off days will be resting and kids. Once in a while we still have gathering at his house. I guess were pretty good relation with his wife, we helped out during their wedding

2018-08-13T11:33:45+00:00

Motorcycle, shooting range, fraternal brotherhood,.

I have many friends from my childhood too. I see them regularly.

Im active in my range meetings and fraternal meetings. I am not in a MC club because i'm busy enough as it is. Apart from that i work full time and do security by contract, on call. Im friendly at work and always have friends to hangout with. Friend's wives generally dont push me away except for one.

Since i appear to be the only handy person in my friend group, they keep calling me to comeover, i get paid with homecooked meals.

Im generally happy with my social life, no complains.

Mintoxicatedlyace · 2018-08-13T13:34:51+00:00

I’m in my 40’s and I’m always out doing stuff mate. The key is to just do activities that you enjoy doing and you’ll bump into others who like the same things. I have a crew of mates I windsurf with, i play in three bands and coach other sports so I’m always getting invited out to do things. The thing is, coz I’m so busy I’m happy chilling at home and therefore don’t miss it if I don’t have any social options. Don’t worry about what may or may not happen in the future, just make the most of now and the future will take care of itself. :)

flee_market · 2018-08-13T05:32:22+00:00

I'm recently out of a relationship, no kids or marriage involved thank FSM.

My social life consists of hanging out 1 on 1 with some close friends occasionally, going out to munches in the local community, and going through meetup.com to see what people are doing in my area - I found a cult films club that meets at hole-in-the-wall theaters a couple times a month that I go to that's a lot of fun. I also found a "bad movie night" in my area on reddit I'm going to go check out.

I have basically zero interaction with women at this point - in group settings I'll toss them a polite :] face for a brief second, just enough to fulfill social obligation, but I think it's pretty clear to them that I'm not interested. I'll chat up their boyfriends all day though. They probably think I'm gay or something, whatever.

(I actually am pansexual but I'm not looking for that right now either, just looking for people to chill with)

Think I'm going to take a long break from dating. It is a lot of emotional investment for not very much return. I have more important things to focus on - developing myself financially and socially.

Of course once I am closer to my goals I'll be more attractive to the opposite sex but I can't picture myself feeling anything other than resentment once they start crawling out of the woodwork; they didn't help me get there, why should they be allowed to partake in the spoils?

Title	Older MGTOW (30+) - what's your social life like?
Author	turbo8421
Upvotes	20
Comments	31
Date	August 13, 2018 4:45 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/96vgjq/older_mgtow_30_whats_your_social_life_like/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW/older-mgtow-30-whats-your-social-life-like.510521 https://theredarchive.com/post/510521

Comments

Depends on what you define as an "active social life."

The actual ADULT (working world) reality -- with a few exceptions like prisons & military (and perhaps some large mega-corp employer factories/offices) -- is a vastly different place, an almost entirely different "world"...

The actual ADULT (working world) reality -- with a few exceptions like prisons & military (and perhaps some large mega-corp employer factories/offices) -- is a **vastly different place, an almost entirely different "world"**...