I’m more of a Lurker than poster but I have been MGTOW well before I knew it was a thing, in fact I would be what’s know as hardcore monk mode for about 10 years now and until recently was quite content in my life.

One thot really shook my foundation recently.

(I’ll add this in parentheses so you can skip context - I used to be what may be described as “chad” like, I played sports A LOT, rugby was my chosen vice (I know I have an addictive personality - half my family have opiate abuse history) and if not playing/training I was in the gym. I was never “muscly buff” but solid good physique etc, always had women around trying to get close, but one night stands was never my thing - always wanted committed relationships (sexual partner count is 3 FYI), the connection far more important and 4 times thought I’d found my unicorn. I always got approached in pubs and clubs, to the point it was annoying as fuck and caused problems with any girl I was with at the time. Any relationship for me was always based on intellect as I find mental stimulation far more attractive. I have now deliberately bulked up to 250lbs - 6ft 3- as that seems to be the point where girls interest diminishes. I also arrived here via a PUA route so female nature has been obvious to me thanks to my very honest sister - into games rather than fucking random guys, she’s also a psychology major so we have very interesting conversations - fucked up i know but we have a very honest relationship)

I’m in the process of selling my company I started with my father 10 years ago (who has since passed away), not mega money but would make me comfortable. One condition is I have to work with them for 3 years to incorporate and be an ambassador for the brand.

From their side on our meeting/event/get to know you session was a single woman - 11 years younger (all my LTR are 9-13 years younger), lives 3.5hrs away and I totally felt the feeling I’ve never felt for a long time (I’ve felt 4 others times in my life) - we chatted on the edge of our group for a while and then again the next day as part of and event and found she’s been celibate for 3 1/2 years since her last LTR (possible femcel?)we share values options etc, total lightning strike unicorn meeting moment, I was totally at sea (she’s not what you would call conventionally attractive but she was to me. She was typical of a trad woman from my county, shorter 5ft and also sturdy (I mean not fat but not slim, excess fat round features but not chunky, does that make sense? Into outdoors MTB canoe etc outdoor sports)

I work in the customer facing drinks industry as a serious introvert, but can put on an overly friendly extrovert facade when needed (its challenging and I feel mentally drained and need to take breaks in a dark quiet room) can totally get that feel from her, control freak etc (she’s told me that via email) as we have chatted via text email etc work related but with personal stuff thrown in. (This section could be a serious study on its own)

My major issue is on our second night of the event I had to leave early and she got friendly with a friend of someone in the group who was essentially freeloading on the company card. Now this guy I’ve seen his type total extrovert alpha type (mega insecure underneath and validated by pump and dump) talked constantly about his conquests (if he worked for us would be out the door level of inappropriate chat etc) he talked about how he loved to bareback prostitues etc along with drug use - I know the type (I’m not against some blow etc), they left together and guy arrived 4 hours later back to the shared Airbnb with the others.

She’s maintaining that nothing happened and the other guys were drunk etc so not remembering correctly, very convincingly. We have monthly meeting in their home town and some of us went for meal/drinks after and ended back at her place after a serious drinking session, she maintained her frigid exterior (she very much reminds me of my first serious LTR from a town near by so know the type).

I’m conflicted, but still totally pussy struck. Sitting here at 1am getting pissed over thinking on the verge of tears etc (my problem, as booze makes me think more, I don’t get drunk reckless - i remember more etc).

I think my message is AWALT regardless of what you think. Live for you and be the best self you can become and hope that this broken society resolved itself, but at the age of 41 i don’t see that happening in my lifetime.

I’m still pushing on to lvl4 buying land and removing myself from this broken fucked up society we are all in, but still hoping that one day I’ll find that unicorn that doesn’t exist

(As an addendum I think a lot of guys are the same 50%? Own your own small business and watch your “friends” come for freebies from you!!) when I get to lvl4 (whether you believe in that or not) does anyone think that opening up my space to others would be good - at that point doxxing would not mater a fuck to me)