when i gave this woman my seed; my child... all the media washed away. 201X faded away. all technology faded away. thoughts of laws; cost of raising a child; my goals as a serious filmmaker on the cusp of worldwide success.... it all faded away, as I realized, I had literally created my child in this womb. and i held onto it. i could feel this intense weight leave me that had never occurred during any sexual act before. i could feel an inherent urge to nurture the carrier of my child, to protect my child.

and after a surreal moment of 'making sure she wasn't pregnant' -- as it's drilled into us as the worst thing that can happen to a young man -- i later realized, in sheer horror, how my first born child, who had been sitting in me all these years, helping fuel my creativity and love and innocence... was now being showered out of a pussy.... and that 'virgin eccentricity' which everyone seems to think is a bad thing.... it was fucking gone. i was stoic as a mountain now, compared to how eccentric i used to be. it was an instantaneous change.

yeah, that boy had been making me a little crazy; making me feel like i needed to lose my virginity. for what? now? i wish i would've waited longer. i wish i would've waited until 40, or however long it took to fully finish the deed. to have my true first born child when im stable and ready. i realized in the most primal way possible what i had just lost.

all the bro humor and high-fives must've jsut skipped over this part.

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the only thing that can stop me is the same thing that stops everyone else -- my cock. and man, when you find yourself as a chad in paradise... the options are maddening. you will literally lose whatever semblance of yourslef you once had... to desire.

even the most nerdy virgin finds himself getting some. and it can go quickly from being a dream, to being a place with attachments; with girls who want more; with personal desire that is never satiated (the more you get, the more you want). this is heaven if you can focus; this is a hell of endless desire that when fulfilled only demands more desire to take it;s place, until you're left with nothing to give and they move onto the next male)

and i realize now, it's all wrong. this is all a lie. you don't fuck; start a family FIRST. it's the last thing you do. you get yourself settled. you figure your shit out.

sex is not for boys. or for young men. it's a reward for the most actualized; most alpha of men. and you dont get some slutty pussy -- you get preemo, young, tight, wet, achingly yearning pussy. you get it because you held off when other boys chased and threw away their foundation. and god damn is it sweet and good and your's forever (whether your wife's or all the women you get to now play around with). because as an actualized male, this is your world and everyone else is just living in it.