Hi guys, been MGTOW on and off for years but finally committed for good 7 months back. I've always been a loner and opening up to people is not my MO. In school I was surrounded by blue pill betas and had no one to turn to for a decent shred of advice when I finally took an interest in a girl. I was pretty dorky and unhealthy back then and she kept me strictly in the friend zone for a long time and being a blue pill, I was okay with it at first. I had some hint of a grand plan in my head about how eventually she'd love me little realising that being honest about struggles I'd had in life (namely depression) had made me a joke to her. She told me one guy had broken her hymen and another had finished in her so she didn't know which one counted as her first and I lost interest in speaking to her after. Months later we get back in touch, I was ill at the time (stomach condition), at a low point in life overall and she said she was really worried about me and wanted to come round and catch up. I invited her over thinking I'd been wrong to judge her earlier. I was fasting quite a bit that week while my doctor worked out what had caused my condition and hadn't eaten a thing that day. I felt like shit and was tired but we had a good laugh for the first hour. After that, all she talked about was sex and how she hated condoms and had been doing anal (perhaps I'm too judgemental but I was disgusted). I got bored fast and just wanted her to leave but didn't have the balls to say so. I was still a virgin back then and she offered to take it from me, revealing she was offended I hadn't tried anything with her that day. I explained I was ill and thought we were friends but that meant fuck all to her. She put on some "incest porn" where girls act out raping their dads and started kissing me. We didn't go all the way that day, the lipstick/Vaseline combo on her lips made me sick, she kept farting and her vag was so damn queefy that I haven't gone down on a girl since. I've never failed to perform with any other girl but on that day I was soft as a feather downstairs. She left laughing and I blocked her from everything soon after, I never wanted to see her again. In the years since, all my effort goes into me and it's lead to major improvements in health, wellbeing, discipline and intellect. While not for all, I rediscovered my faith in the process too and it's guided me well since. I've had some casual encounters and short term relationships that have convinced me pussy is overrated and not worth the hassle. I set up a Facebook profile the other month for professional reasons and within a week, guess who gets in touch? Asking me if she'd seen me near an STD clinic in my area. We exchanged pathetically dull chit chat where she behaved as if I wasn't worth her time despite her going the whole hog to seek me out online. I blocked her again and this time felt fine, merely annoyed I'd responded to her at all. I know no men who carry on the way her and millennial women as a whole do today. No male family, no male acquaintances who are so unbelievably dumb, gross and evil as this girl and many others who have destroyed the lives of others fellas I've known. That day changed my life and due to too much free time this evening, I've made it a confused bit of automatic writing for you all.