I hate my life. I tried to go back to my family's home town to work a welding job, but I hate every aspect of it. I have to live with my dad out in the middle of the country in a cramped house, and have to wait for housing in the town I work in. It's been three months, and I still haven't been accepted.

So I have to drive for half an hour to and from work, which sucks because I hate everything about driving. If I stay home, I'm just going to get depressed because my home life makes me sad and anxious for some reason. Yet I hate going to work, too. I don't hate the job itself, it's just, I think I could be doing much better than a $10 an hour welding job where I work till either midnight or 2 am.

I can't make any friends where I'm at, either. Nevermind a casual relationship. I can't be my full self here anyways, and women won't accept anything less. I don't know where to go meet people in my small town, and every interaction I have with people with hopes of making friends often feels fake and surface level, with the only remotely real interactions being with two of my co-workers. My own half-sister stopped texting me when I couldn't make it to church last Sunday, which I didn't want to go entirely.

One thing I've noticed wrong with me is that I have a hard time trying to stay committed to one thing for long, and I don't like taking other people's advice if it disagrees with my narrative for the life I want to live. Even if it sounds good. The last time I tried to take traditional advice and be patient and wait for things to get better, I spent my entire teenhood doing nothing but staying inside, homeschooled, and playing video games. Then I went to college, tried to tough it out, and now I have $30,000 in debt and nothing to show for. Working a $10 welding job, which is minimum wage for a welder. I honestly think I could make more money and live a life that agrees with me by freelancing.

One thing I've noticed wrong with me is that I have a hard time trying to stay committed to one thing for long, and I don't like taking other people's advice if it disagrees with my narrative for the life I want to live. Even if it sounds good. The last time I tried to take traditional advice and be patient and wait for things to get better, I spent my entire teen hood doing nothing but staying inside, homeschooled, and playing video games. Then I went to college, tried to tough it out, and now I have $30,000 in debt and nothing to show for. Working a $10 welding job, which is minimum wage for a welder. I honestly think I could make more money and live a life that agrees with me by freelancing.

I'm going to give my resignation on August 1st or sooner, and either go back to Colorado for more seasonal environmental work, the only place where I had friends, felt a part of a community, and had luck with girls, or go somewhere. I don't know where. I'm trying to build up gear and skillsets for when I do, like videography, journalistic writing (which I did in college), rollerblading for delivering food and packages, singing and harmonica, just anything that can get me freelance work somewhere. I don't even care if I fail and end up homeless or dead. I've just had enough of my family and home.