So last year I moved up to northern AL for grad school. I don’t know anyone here so my new roommate suggests I download tinder. I figure if we don’t hookup maybe I’ll have a new friend and possibly new friend groups which being honest was more important at that moment than sex. Then match with this girl (I use the word girl loosely she was 27) who I find out has a 4 year old. I figure “Hey she’s pretty funny maybe a new friend?”

We meet up for a couple beers and have a pretty decent time chatting and joking around. Surprisingly she’s actually cuter than her profile pictures. We’re honestly having a good time so I wait for the right moment and try go in for a kiss, which she swerved. I wasn’t upset, I was more like “Okay relationship off the table. Let’s be friends”. It must’ve been a mistake on her part because she tried to kiss me a couple times later which I did not allow to happen. She dips to say hey to a friend and 30 mins later is nowhere to be found. It’s 2AM at this college dive bar and I had class at 10AM in the morning.i pay for my Corona, take a piss, call an Uber and head home.

The next morning I wake up with no exaggeration 37 missed calls from this chick and about 20 messages of “Where are you? Why’d you leave?”. I recognize crazy and forgo replying. A few days later at my new job my new coworker who also happens to be the bartender at the place I ditched her at asks me if I was okay. He then tells me that chick freaked out when she tried to put a $50 charge on my tab and he told her I already closed and went home. Explains all the messages and calls!! Looks like she was doing more than saying hello to her little friends.

Fast forward two months and I see her again at a bar where I do open mic comedy. When I get on to do my set she tries to heckle me. The funny thing is between all the gin tonics she’s had and the audience laughing to loud nobody noticed her and she left. Why was she even upset? That I wasn’t going to pay for her lemon drops and tequila shots? Get the fuck out