a guy walks into a bar, plops down on a stool, and notices that the fellow next to him has a black eye almost identical to his own. he nudges the fellow and says "hey buddy, how'd you get your shiner?"

the fellow shakes his head ruefully and responds "it was just a slip of the tongue, really. i was at the airport, and the woman at the ticket counter had the nicest rack i've ever seen. fucking mesmerizing. instead of asking for a ticket to pittsburgh i accidentally asked for a picket to tittsburgh, and she slugged me. How'd you get yours?"

"believe it or not, it's also from a slip of the tongue. this morning during breakfast my wife asked me to pass the milk, and instead of responding 'of course, my love' i said 'you ruined my life you fucking cunt.'"