If you've got time, just chill, sit down, relax with a cool drink on the side and comment if you've got any sort of response, good or bad. This is just me expressing some of my personal thoughts to the forum and actually being vulnerable for once.

I felt as though I made full circle at one point as I was writing this and wanted to share some of it and hopefully get some interactions going. It's lengthy, but eh, whatever. nobody's forcing you to read. this is just if you've got time to spare. It's not meant to be pretty or to reach high writing standards. This, the journal scribblings, the self-expression, is what ends up helping me grow as a Man. I see value in it.

Background: been going through some tough times. days are long and plain. At one point, earlier last week, as I was resting my body from lifting weights, I told myself I could enjoy a "day off" as I let the soreness dissipate from my muscles. I decided to do what was easy and launched my favorite video game. Ended up fucking around with it the entire week, haven't returned to the gym since, and now facing the harsh reality.

Begin Quote: "Oh yeah, this one. This one quote is actually a lot more powerful and means A LOT to me than the first one. I used to look at it when I was struggling with nofap streaks a month or two ago… This shit is powerful and will remain so forever. There’s no greater reminder than a perfect statement from the struggling person you were, at the beginning, in relation to the progress made so far:

“IF I QUIT NOW, I WILL SOON BE BACK TO WHERE I STARTED

AND WHEN I STARTED, I WAS DESPERATELY WISHING TO BE WHERE I AM NOW.”

Powerful, powerful message. Couldn’t be any more real. Here I am, even now, imagining and yearning to be great again, and happy. I look up at the Man I used to be not that long ago and wish I could be that once more. That is… before I took it for granted and fell. I’m in the gutters right now, but I’m hopeful and finally looking to the sky. When I was gaming for days straight, I wasn’t really thinking about betterment or even looking upwards. Now I am, and to be honest, I know for a fact that I’ll do it. I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again. One thing I notice, a pattern, is that it always begins with this, right here. What I’m doing here: Daydreaming about becoming great. Desiring it. Not just “I kinda want it”, no, I absolutely want it. I’m also dissatisfied with my life situation and this is important to recognize. I gotta absolutely HATE my situation, so that I can mobilize my entire being towards getting the fuck away from it. Right now: I don’t like being hungry. I don’t like spending hours and hours and hours on this computer chair. I don’t like not reading my books. I don’t like not hitting the gym. I don’t like not going outside. I don’t like being bitter. I don’t like……..

When I was gaming, none of this shit bothered me. I was in my own little virtual world and experiencing cool adventures. “who needs real life when slaying monsters and leveling up ROCKS!!”

Now, I want it. And for as long as I continue wanting it, I’ll keep getting closer to it. The moment I stop wanting it, all my actions will cease going in that direction of progress.

This is also why nofap, noblaze, nogaming, nosmoking is important. If these activities are present in my life, then evidently I’ll feel content and satisfied with whatever bullshit life(style) I’ve got going for me. It really is important to “feel like shit” and desire to get out of that situation. Those activities just numb the discomfort and make me say “oh well, this ain’t too bad ! :)” when it really is awful as shit… but getting high, fapping, smoking makes me forget all that. they make it seem as though things aren’t so bad because… well, a hole's a hole and dopamine is dopamine man, even if it comes “artificially”. If my mind is convinced that things are going well because it’s receiving “happy chemicals”, then things going well and there’s no need to try something new and break out of my comfort bubble. The prehistoric man wouldn’t attempt to cross that dangerous looking river if he had all the food and all the vagina he needs back at camp.

See how sneaky this shit is? But also… I wanna take moment to give myself fucking PROPS. something I rarely do. Just… congrats on identifying all this shit man. I’ve come close to gaining a full grasp on the mechanisms at hand after struggling with this shit for years. Procrastination isn't a complete mystery anymore. I fuckign KNOW why it gets ahold of me when I least want it. I now see and understand almost perfectly well why those 4 activities are the worst things a man can do (smoking, fapping, blazing, gaming)……..particularly and especially when his life is shit.

You could walk blind-folded through a nicely perfumed battlefield, with a ton of rotting bodies lying on the ground, and come out of it saying “wow, that was a really nice walk! I bet I just strolled through a field of tulips and roses! :)” and it wouldn't be so farfetched.

My analogy here identifies two important aspects: embellishment of reality & ignoring reality. Ignoring also incorporates “not seeing reality” btw. Those four activities allow me to not realize the horror around me (they blind me). Not only that, they provide positive stimuli to my senses (they embellish it like the artificial fragrances released all over the warzone) making it seem like things are a lot better than they rlly are. Febreeze… can sometimes easily mask the fact that somebody just massively diarrhea’d 2 mintes ago.

I’m now equipped with knowledge. Undeniable proof. I can no longer hide behind my own mental uncertainty. I now know without a doubt certain truths concerning my current struggles and future struggles (cuz I know it'll come back to haunt me again and again) Whenever in doubt, whenever I find myself in a similar crappy situation, I’ll always know how things work. I’ll see those 4 activities for what they are. I’ll understand why they’re so tempting in the moment (gotta numb the pain bro!). And there will be no more of “should I go left or right?” I’ll always know. Always, now that I’ve internalized it."