Hey guys.

I just wanted to express something here that I’ve been feeling for a long time. For some background I was raised in the American South East right in the middle of the Bible Belt. I’m still somewhat religious. A cornerstone of that faith is eventually having your own family additionally the state that I live in is very traditional. In short the whole ‘get married, have kids, work hard for your family’ thing was ingrained in me and basically became part of my identity and life plan.

I just got out of my first LTR relationship. I dated her for about 1.5 years. At first it was a lot of fun but towards the end I felt as though my fucking soul was being sucked out of me. She was demanding a ring and a wedding no later than this coming December. She thought she had me hooked and that I was going anywhere (she told me as much after we broke up) and it showed in her appearance too. She went from dressing like a lady to like a homeless man, she gained about 20 pounds, and began acting like a whiny bitch about damn near everything. I broke it off with her and she freaked out and is trying desperately to get me back. Sometimes I think it wouldn’t be bad to go back because she learned her lesson but I know after a enough time passes it’ll go back to what it was and I’ll be miserable again.

The worst part of all this is that she has constantly told me that she is one of the better girls out there and she is probably right. I have met many women and she is far less self centered and bitchy than the vast majority. The point of this story is that I’ve realized even the women who are ‘better’ are only relatively better. I kinda had a ‘come to Jesus’ moment where I realized that I almost certainly won’t find a woman who will love me for who I am and not what I can do for her. It honestly kills me inside to know this and it makes me so fucking angry. I feel like something has been taken from me that I can’t replace because it hinges around someone else

In the end I’m glad I found the red pill and MGTOW. It beats the hell out of the alternative. What has helped you all deal with the fact that love is pipe dream and will be one forever? I’ve tried self improvement. I’m teaching myself Russian and programming and I’ve turned up the intensity of my workouts. These things are great but they haven’t helped distract me enough. I’m 21 so maybe it’s something just goes away as you age but man it sucks.