I do not have much to boast about in my life, so please permit me a modicum of pride.

I have no capacity for sexual arousal. I have never been with a woman, and the very notion of romantic intimacy confuses me.

I quite enjoy my life. I'm sure celibacy is difficult for some of you, but for me it is natural.

I can't imagine what it would be like to have sexual desire for other people.

I don't have any major issues with women, but I find attractive women less interesting than many of my compatriots do. I suspect this is because they want to fuck them. In general, I find good-looking women boring, and have always been bewildered as to why so many people wish to befriend them. Their physical beauty must create a fun-house prism out of which their personality is deceptively amplified.

I masturbate about twice a year. It usually takes me about fifteen seconds to finish, and the procedure rather resembles wart-popping or some other such vaguely discomforting cosmetic chore.

The greatest challenge my asexual orientation presents is that people think I am homosexual for never having had a girlfriend. In recent years, I have been candid about my asexuality, but it still troubles some people, as they don't believe such a thing exists.

In some ways I identify with your community. But since I've never been scorned in a traumatic relationship, and since I have never been very close to a woman (let alone another guy), I only have data enough to be misanthropic about the general nature of humans.

It does bother me when women assume I am attracted to them, because they will usually act offended. In such instances, I always fantasize about screaming: "I'm asexual! The thought of fucking you is as foreign to me as the thought of brushing my teeth with a potato!"

Well, I am an empty person. So it's not as though I have obtained an idealized ascetic enlightenment. I think there are greater things wrong with me than asexuality.