Kindness of a disrespectful pig

556 points17 commentssubmitted by profusly to r/Jokes

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman and was somewhat upset

"you are a disrespectful pig!" she cried.

How dare you do this to me -a faithful wife, mother of your children!

I am leaving you.

I want a divorce straight away!"

And the husband replied "Hang on just a minute Love, so at least I can tell you what happened."

"Fine, go ahead," she sobbed, "but they'll be the last words you'll ever say to me!!

And the husband began -" Well I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift.

She looked so down and out and so defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was thin, poorly dressed and dirty.

She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days!

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the chicken I made for you last night, which you wouldn't eat because you turned vegan yesterday.

The poor girl devoured them in seconds.

Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed that her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your Anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste.

I went and found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas, which you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated the boots you bought at that expensive boutique and don't use because someone in your office has the same pair"

The husband took a deep breath and continued- "she was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,

"Please, do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?"