Dear Mom & Dad,

I am sending you a letter that I originally began writing to Heather – It is a letter that I wrote at the suggestion of counselors and consists of what I wish I could express if I were ever able to have an adult conversation with her, which is impossible, because any time that she feels intimidated she lashes out like an angry baby – I believe the reason that she so easily feels intimidated by me is that she has a guilty conscience for her harmful behavior and she does not want to admit that she owes me and others a big apology.

God and everybody else knows that I am not perfect – I admit that I have sometimes been difficult to relate with, I have been confused and my life path has been unusual and marked by failure, but I truly have been working hard with intentions to be successful and respectful of others – I cannot think of a time when I intended to provoke anyone else with hostility or offensive behavior – Like everybody else, I am a flawed human being and I'm not perfect - If I have ever appeared to intend anyone else harm, I ask to be told about it so that I can have an opportunity to apologize – Really, all I am asking for is resolution – However, I have finally realized after years of unsuccessfully trying to reach a resolution with Heather and receiving punishment for my efforts, that she is incapable of reaching understanding because she lacks the humility and conscience to know that the feelings of other people are consequential – She acts without consideration for the harm her behavior causes to others.

She has successfully destroyed my sense of well-being through years of manipulative deceitfulness, verbal abuse and public humiliation especially when I have been at my lowest – I have also watched her hurt other people - Casting undeserved guilt and shame – She appears to have no mercy in her heart – She makes the choice clear; follow along with the delusional fantasy of "her world,"or suffer the consequences of her shrew-like rage.

I have been particularly traumatized by her behavior when "her world" also consisted of completely consuming "your world" whenever you have been in Steamboat – Since "your world" had once also involved a son living in the same town for about eight years, "her world" had been threatened by the possibility that I might somehow compromise her total consumption of "your world," and I'm sure that I did, if only to a small degree, and I have never lived it down.

I have been a witness to years of Heather behaving inappropriately without reproach as she has manipulated others with twisted facts, secrets and lies – She has been hostile, deceitful and mean- And she has been particularly mean to me without provocation or reason. I have never done anything to provoke her hostility – The only offense I can think of that I ever committed which might explain her vicious behavior toward me is that on certain occasions I have held her accountable for her inappropriate words or actions – I do not believe that my responses to her inappropriate behavior have been excessive nor have they been attempts to stir up trouble.

One time she almost hit me driving too fast and cutting a corner into the wrong side of Aspen Ridge Road before I quickly reacted and drove into the right-side shoulder barely avoiding a head-on collision – Afterwards I told her to watch out how she drives and she responded, predictably, with defensive hostility – She is incapable of saying the words, "I'm sorry," even when she is clearly in the wrong – Not long after that incident she drove her Jeep straight into opposing traffic and head-first into a ditch.

Heather has portrayed pushy, tyrannical behavior causing harm to myself and others in an unbridled pursuit of security, comfort and attention with a minimal expenditure of effort, and she doesn't even show any humility or gratitude for it – The word that best describes her attitude is "entitled," meaning she believes that she is inherently owed a better quality of life than other people simply for the fact of her birth – If I'm not mistaken, that is the literal definition of a "princess." It is also a double standard.

Unfortunately for her, she was not born into royalty in feudal England, but rather as a citizen of the constitutional federal republic of the United States of America, and in this country everyone is supposed to be free to choose how to live their lives and be rewarded for their independent achievement – That's what makes our country so great, and I believe it is what President Trump stands for – He has actually become something of a role model for me as I see an example, as with Dad, of a man who has achieved success based upon his own hard work and creativity – Contrary to what many people say about him, I do not believe that President Trump's success has come to him easily – If it had, he never would have had the toughness and skill to win the Presidency and continue onward with greater achievements for our country.

I have not been as successful in my life as I had hoped that I would be by this age – Despite my years of hard work and earnest striving, in material terms I am still not even out of the starting gate of life – Fortunately, I have accumulated a lot of experience and a vast set of skills which I am now poised to apply productively to accelerate me toward more meaningful achievement and personal success – I owe you tremendous gratitude for helping me make it through recent difficulties so that I may heal beyond previous limitations and make the most of promising opportunities.

Looking back over the years, I feel a sense of gratitude for some of the difficult challenges I have had to face – Such experiences have provided me with a strong sense of character and many lessons gained through struggle – However, if given the choice, I certainly never wish to return to the unpleasant conditions of those circumstances - My objective now is to productively apply what I have learned rather than continue struggling through the toughest classrooms of life.

Although it would be gratifying to send this letter to Heather, I know it would be unproductive – She is incapable of self-reflection and would only view this as an unfair attack – Of course, my letter is nothing like an attack and is rather a justified response to her antagonistic and deceitful behavior which has caused myself and other people considerable harm – We all know what she has done and although I could tediously detail the many offenses I have suffered from years of her antagonism, it's not worth the time and energy – Her offenses are well known to herself and others, whether anyone is willing to admit to it or not - I should demand her apology, but it would really be worthless because sadly she lacks consideration for the effect of her behavior upon others.

You know and I know and Jon knows as anybody who has ever known Heather knows, that my portrayal of her character is not merely a mean attack, but is in fact quite an accurate description of who she is and how she has chosen to behave.

Please feel free to share any of this information with her as I have nothing to hide – I only ask that you not misquote me – I believe I am justified in my response to her unprovoked antagonism – You can tell her how troubled I am that she and I cannot reasonably communicate as adults without conversations inevitably ending with her screaming like a demonic banshee.

Why am I perceived as such a threat that she feels the need to shout me down all the time? When her antagonistic behavior against me is not reprimanded by others, I feel as though it is validated and approved, and I spend a lot of time wondering why it is that I would ever deserve to be mistreated in such a way - This has caused me a lot of mental anguish and confusion.

Heather's antagonism has had a profoundly negative impact on my mental well-being - I now accept that she is incapable of remorse, and so I am not sending this letter to her – Instead, I am sending this to you in re-written form so that I may set the record straight and break free from the curse of her devious misrepresentation of facts – I feel implored by my conscience to share this with you as witnesses to the truth as I see it – I think that any sane person would agree that the truth which I describe is the truth as it is – If I am wrong, I'd like to know why – Her antagonism has imposed upon me a traumatic level of anxiety and self-doubt which has kept me awake at night, has distracted me from work, has interfered with my ability to have healthy relationships and has otherwise crippled my abilities to achieve self-esteem and joy in my life.

I don't know if we will ever be gathered together again as a family – Heather's disruptive actions have pushed she, Jon and I into such conflict that we are unable to reasonably communicate – Mom has claimed that we "never got along anyway" - I must disagree – I have terrific memories of great times we have shared together – As just one example, you, Heather and I had an awesome trip together to Hawaii – Jon and I have shared many good times despite our differences – Regardless, we were at least able to communicate with each other before Heather began her campaign to undermine the good will of our family with her actions of unprovoked hostility and deceitful manipulation – She has preyed upon the good will of others while causing misery and harm.

For many years I have felt responsible for the fact that Jon, Heather and I have experienced such conflict with each other – My recent breakthrough revelation is the awareness that I have not been responsible for this unfortunate reality at all – Just like Heather has deceived so many others, she had successfully deceived me into believing that I have been responsible for some unforgivable offense – I have obsessed over this dilemma for years – Now I understand – I have not been responsible for any offense, I have been a target – Just as the United States was not responsible for World War Two just because we responded to the attack on Pearl Harbor, I have been attacked without provocation and I have not been responsible for it – Unfortunately, everybody says that it "takes two to tango" - That's true for those who are dancing the tango, but that is not true for my experience of suffering Heather's directed hostility – I'm taking myself off the hook.

Could we ever acknowledge that caring for each other truly is more rewarding than caring for ourselves? Could we ever just apologize and reach understanding? Could we ever be truly humble before God?

I have not received feelings of joy or kindness from Heather – Instead, I have experienced years of envy, scorn, manipulation and undeserved, self-righteous judgment cast against me– It is truly sad that she has chosen to relate to me in such a way – Did I provoke her in some way unknown to me? No one will tell me – What horrible offense did I commit to deserve such mistreatment?

I have done nothing but represent the threat of accountability because she knows that I can see the truth of how she has constructed her life through manipulation, coercion and deceit – I should not have tried to be such a "nice guy" to her for so many years thinking that would somehow change her hostile attitude toward me – Instead, she misperceived my kindness for weakness and she became even more tyrannical with her mistreatment – It's like I was trying Obama's foreign policy approaches of appeasement to Iran and North Korea – It is now very obvious to me that President Trump has the vastly superior policy for dealing with such trouble-makers – President Trump says, "Peace through strength" - I have attempted to find "peace through kindness," which I believe to be a sign of strength, but so many others perceive kindness to be a sign of weakness – I continue to strive to live in kindness and consideration toward others, but with the strength to know that some people just aren't worth the trouble and sometimes it takes the most strength of all to just walk away.

I am grateful to finally be able to release myself from years hampered by terrible feelings as I am beginning to learn how to feel good about myself again – For a long time I have defined myself in relation to how others respond to me because I have been desperate for acceptance – I have learned the hard way that nobody's approval is worth the sacrifice - I have accepted the truth as I see it, which is liberation from "cognitive dissonance."

"Cognitive dissonance" is defined as psychological stress experienced by a person who simultaneously holds two or more contradictory beliefs. An example of this would be receiving abuse from a person who claims to "love me." The truth of my experience tells me I am being treated abusively, but the abuser also claims to "love" me – The two realities cannot exist in the same reality – This is the cause of most forms of mental illness.

"Cognitive dissonance" is the term which describes my experience when I can't sleep all night as I try to resolve opposing realities and I end up pulling out my hair and sobbing into my pillow – A pretty pathetic image, I know, but this is also the truth of my experience and I can't deny it - "Cognitive dissonance" is being surrounded by family who claim I am responsible for a number of untrue offenses while I have no opportunity to defend myself nor set the record straight – It has made me live in constant doubt about myself – It has lead to me getting pushed around by bullies – It has lead to a decline in my self-esteem and confidence causing me to live for a long time feeling worthless and eventually suicidal - Heather has cast aspersions against me destroying my confidence and mental health – I have wasted over 15 years of my life and a lot of money seeking to overcome the psychological damage she has caused – It is PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder – The trauma has caused me to relive the harmful things that she and others have said and done inspired by her antagonistic manipulations – Without resolution, these abusive memories have cycled continuously through my mind as I have remained mired in guilt, shame and confusion.

It feels good to know at this point in my life that I still have opportunities for success and happiness – I am open to welcome kind people into my life who wish to relate with me in a reasonable and respectful manner – In fact, I have invited Heather to meet with me in a group counseling environment whenever she is ready to reach a resolution – However, she has refused my invitation further proving that she has no interest in working toward understanding, but rather she wishes to continue behaving unfairly and with hostility.

(I had called the police department asking if they would be able to help me communicate with my sister, and the officer offered to convey the message to Heather that I am concerned about the situation and would like to work through it with her in a protected, counseling environment).

Thank you for reading this letter as I apologize for its length and the unpleasant truth it portrays – However, I do not believe that this is "my" truth – This is the actual truth based on actual facts rather than a false-truth based on revisionist history, assumptions and misleading lies - I cannot remain sane and approach the world in any other way – Just like Uncle Bobby said to me years ago, "Know thyself."

He said, "If you know who you are, no one can touch you." It's taken me a long time to figure out who I am among the mischaracterizations and undeserved antagonism I have faced – I have not known who I am, and I have had a lot of people harmfully "touch me" - It's not my fault that there are bad people in the world, but they do exist and they do bad things – My sister is one of them - Fortunately, I have released myself from responsibility for how others treat me – Now it appears that my primary responsibility is to treat myself well – I have realized that I'm a pretty terrific guy – I deserve to treat myself well and to be treated with dignity and respect by others.

I hope that one day the respect that I build for myself will be matched with respect and affection from a complimentary female romantic life partner – If I am ever able to achieve such a seemingly impossible relationship, I would love to have a family of my own – Counselors have told me that such a dream is not too late to accomplish – Thankfully, I can still become the man I have always wanted to be - Thank you for supporting my efforts as I work toward a vision of a better future.