Ok, just need to do this. But before a little disclaimer: 1- This is a rant and Im typyng it for my own mentally sake and also to help others if they can learn something from it 2- Also this is a throwaway account for obvious reasons 3- Feedback is wellcomed, even negative feedback, just dont expect me to be kind or suck it, Im trying this to be something positive, something that helps me and others, not a discussion 4- Maybe you have noticed already but english is not my primary language, so try to stay focused on the topic not in grammars or spelling, I will learn from corrections but this is not the point.

And... here we go:

36 m here, living in Europe, was raised in a kinda traditional family that has become a major circus. Went from BPed to MGTOW all the way last year, and it has helped me a lot, and literally a lot, probably even saved my life.

MGTOW philosophy was something raised inside of me. I have been what you might call "a nice guy" all my life, well, it didnt work, not with my family, neither with women, but got to admit I have like 3 or 4 good close friends.

After something happened in my life and in desperation I started to ask google (silly, I know, but was looking for answers, and this is how I found MGTOW). Well, that was a year ago, since then I have been lurking the forum. Also it was illumination. By then I felt alone, dumb and doubting myself all the times, thinking what the hell I was doing wrong. Also wondering if I was the only one noticing how things were and sometimes thinking I was just having terrible luck. But when I found this place I didnt feel alone anymore, explanations about female nature and society fitted perfectly with my own impressions and the life Im living. Also love the improving and uplifting stories of success, they inspire me, Im old enough but hope someday I will be able to turn my life around and be one of those.

Have to admit my life is downhill, not doing well in any aspect and got so much death weight around I got hard times trying to improve anything. I know lot of people have it worse, but well, is pretty difficult to be positive when you have to spend willpower to do almost every single thing. In other posts Im planning to writte Ill explain why Im saying that. And no, Im not disabled or similar. In fact Im a "privileged" white man.

So a bit of my history and how I ended in my current situation. Everything was fine at the age 20, in fact I was doing great, and then... just started chasing pussy (finding the one, you know) and spent like 5 years doing silly things, stop training most of the time, didnt pay enough attention to my studies, got drunk almost every weekend, became a beta orbiter of selfish women, had a couple of LTRs, dealt with my "broken heart" well, you can figure out. I was thinking I was just chasing love and trying to find "the one". BS. BIG BS. And now, a decade later Im still paying for my silly ideas and being gullible with what I was told.

So, by 25 I was a guy depressed and all that and then... cancer hit my family. First was my grandfather (I was living with my grandparents at the moment, things are quite different here and no way you can pay rent and live alone for most young people). One year, he was a good man, a great man. Made himself and God, he fighted against it, was a real battle. Took it like a man, behaved, made an example and after one year he passed away kinda quick with a little of fear that showed twice but zero complains. I took care of him that year, learnt a lot. Still remember 5 days before dying I used a wheelchair to move him around, he was sitting at the couch in the living room, stopped me from helping him to move to the whellchair, stood by his own and sitted there. Pointed me to his head and told me "its all here". Nothing special, right? Unless your blood analisys were like his at that moment and telling you he should already be dead. It was one of the things closer to a miracle I got to watch. And Im not impressed that easily.

After him, few months after it was my mom. She didnt took it so graciously, but gave a good battle too, just to die suddenly when she was in the path of recovering. Ill writte about my father and will explain it all at some point.

So... 2 cancers, 2 years passed by with me just taking care of them and unable to do much more, mind changing for sure. After that I started to do quite well, got a job, well, served me fine to raise up and stop being a pussy. Or a mangina. Never orbited any female anymore. But still was trying to find "the one" and I was still totally oblivious about female nature and the nature of the society and humans.

And after that I was living with my grandmother most of the time, unless I had to go working, I was 28 at that moment, few months after my mom died she was diagnostized with Alzheimer. Well that was a hard pill to swallow, for sure. With my grandparent and my mother dead, I was the one that was supposed to help her. But of course I would have the help of the entire family, so probably would have to carry like 40% of the weight. HA! But I believed it. Because my own family would be there for me, right? take care of us, give me some breaks and all, right? right??? After all I had a father, an uncle, my grandmother had 2 sisters, several nieces... so I would be fine living with her. Well that was a full bottle of pills and I swallowed then one by one. My father and my uncle are with "their" wifes, living for them, oh! and always in need of money, and always busy, what a surprise! (they both got high payed works, but it seems they never got enough). And well, the rest of the family is living their own lives.

Now after 8 years Im kinda in a prison, 5 years without any kind of hollydays, not moving more than 100 miles from my home. 4 years without being able to sleep 8 hours straight, hard times to keep my occasional job and locked as an almost 24/7 caregiver for 1 year now, have almost no life outside this. Sometimes I wake up and think all this is a nightmare. Specially because my grandmother might have Alzheimer, but sure is a rare kind, she knows me, she knows everybody, she is manipulative... well, is hard to picture it all together.

And this is me and my life so far, how is this related to MGTOW? Well, female nature explains a lot about how things are for me right now. Can compare my granddad's illness with my grandmother's and their reactions first hand. Can tell how the wifes of my father and uncle play a big role. Can tell what a big hell is living at home with several different women that come here to give a little care, about 4 hours a day overall, all women, all hate each other. And add my grandmother's sister to all that.

And... well, female nature explains it all, is like the unity theory of physics, and this is how I became MGTOW.

Will writte more rants about my grandmother, her sister, my uncle and my dad, the caregivers and also a LTR relationship I left 1 year ago with an "unicorn" (HA!).

But is enough for now... Think is the best place to vent it over, read great opinions and realistic ones here, fellow men with their feet on the ground that probably can understand all this and who knows, maybe counsel me or give me some positive thoughts or ideas.

If you have read this far... wow! Thank you.