There's a Toronto-based Fb group called Bunz Trading Zone where people swap items with no money allowed. Sometimes people make requests that fall outside the realm of material goods (i.e. "In search of positive vibes/advice in exchange for...) but it's the minority of posts and its pretty benign.

The other day a good looking blonde girl posted the following:

ISO a decent guy to date. Will trade for all the assholes I've met on tinder. Also this half eaten bag of Easter chocolates. Must like cats..... And preferably wine, but is not required. Non-hideous preferred.

Now I wasn't offended by this -if some girl wants to make a useless fluff post out of frustration/attention-whoring then God bless. And I had to smirk at the predictable 200+ comments from white knights wanting to come to her aid, but I thought well, maybe turnabout is fair play.

How wrong I was...

I posted the following:

ISO a decent girl to hook up with. Will trade all the insecure, jaded and/or jealous girls I've met in real life. Also this half eaten pizza. Must be cool with seeing other people... And preferably wine but it is not required. Bangin body and nice grill preferred.

I was well aware of what I was in for going in but I figured itd be amusing. But after only four enraged comments the post got taken down and I got messaged by the mod who took it down (replete with a profile picture that said "I believe survivors" -the Ghomeshi verdict is still pretty recent in the mind of Torontonians)

The conversation went thusly:

Mod: Keep garbage posts off bunz please. It's not funny or respectful and this is the only warning, next is a ban. Thx.

Here I posted a screencap of the initial post from the girl

Mod: So your post was a "clever" retort?

Me: No, Id actually like to find that girl.

Mod: I don't care what the motivations are.

Me: I know, and you're scared of backlash

Mod: Scared?

Me: Yes

Mod: Of.....

Me: ...backlash

Mod: Backlash from what

Me: People complaining at you. I take it youre a mod of some kind I think you should have let me get roasted by the court of public opinion

Mod: Yes, I am Her post was funny and cheeky. Your post was demeaning, sexist and unnecessary. (the hypocrisy here was especially poignant) Its not my job to allow ppl to be shitty to eachother. The opposite actually

Me: How? I literally expressed my honest frustrations and desires and provided in exchange an arguably healthier food alternative I think you're a cuck.

Mod: I give the zeroest of fucks what you think. I'm telling you to cut it out. Be nice or leave.

*(At some point here he just decided to ban me)**

Me: Can you unban me please?

Mod: Any particular reason I should? You wanna emasculate me more with name calling? I looked back at your trades, you appear to be a legit bun I'm just asking u to be nice. Keep us mods in mind when you poke the trolls Ok?

Me: With regard to why you should unban me, I think the importance of the group and what it represents transcends our differences of opinion.To me >it represents contributing to stronger communities through decentralization and less reliance on institutionalized mediums of exchange like the dollar. >As you noted I try and be a legit member when I have a need or a surplus of goods. I'm as good as my word so I don't give it lightly, therefore I can't promise I won't post something that won't run afoul of moderators or members in >the future. But rest assured I don't have any intention of using the site beyond the trading of goods and services. If someone wants to use it as a >dating platform then God bless -that's between them and you the mods. Also, if I caused offense in this conversation with earlier comments I apologize.

Mod: ok what email do you use to log into FB with I'll invite you back in thanks for the thoughtful response

What lessons did I take from this?

1) Never underestimate the white knights power of irrationality and righteous indignation

2) Have an explanation that frames the problem on your terms -I made the case that this misunderstanding was trifling compared with the importance of the group (I believed what I was saying which made it easier). It makes him feel petty for dwelling on stupidity but I also validated him and his ego for touting the importance of a group he moderates. I think it also helped that it was a private conversation without shrill harpies squawking in his ear whose sense of honour he would feel it necessary to vindicate.

3) Much like how TRP doesn't allow new accounts to post, he gave me the benefit of the doubt in part because of my proven history of legitimate posting => a logical explanation will get you far. A logical explanation that strokes someones ego will get you farther. But youll get the farthest with a logical explanation, an ego stroke and a proven track record.

4) "Can you unban me please?" -think of this as a tactical surrender. I realized I couldn't appeal his decision and that I had to deal with him as a gatekeeper. "If I caused offense I apologize" -this was sincere as I'm not a dick and I don't like using violent language, thinking violent thoughts or committing violent acts. Apologizing seems tough but it has a phenomenal power to mollify adversaries. Especially when you put it at the end after the explanation -it seems unconditional even though I explained why I thought he was being stupid in the leadup to the apology. Its more under the radar than saying, "I apologize, but..."

Best, -dreguan