i'm very sorry for the long post.

my name is jeff, i'm 21. this started when i was 19*... woman never cared about me, i'm not ugly. but in my country (portugal) i'm bellow average. they destroy my heart since i'm 5.

. i'm 19 and i start the drivers school , i seen this woman that i just felt was shy , i never got a chance to talk to her but wanted..

however after some months she adds me on facebook... and in less than 2 weeks we are already kissing. she always said if we got together i would have to clean the house and wash dishes!, equality ya know? and always said NO DEMANDS! But i finaly had a girfriend and i knew she was a good person... my first girlfriend

. She got realy angry if i called her dumb. always in a joke manner, and said in a relationship there had to be respect... we eventualy had intimacy.

and by that time there was a huge connection, she was my world...(she knew that, she knew she was first) i wanted to have fun it was summer, but she was already saying she would leave me if i didn't find a job, i wanted to study but i couldn't... because of our future. without a car and during a bad time, no one gave me a job.

After a while i was invited to a call center, but it was 3hrs of travel every day, so i said no. AND SHE LEFT ME.

(CHRISTMAS)

. we eventually got back... she started smoking weed , because of stress, getting fat and i followed her(i'm 81 now). i had stress. anxiety. and everything i did was out of fear she would leave me. her mother saw me has trash, her sister hated me. i was in a prison. but i loved her. even when she said she regretted leaving her ex.

. she went on my facebook. was pissed off that i had talked with a 5 day relationship ex, and made her family believe i was cheating on her. and JUST didn't want to say it was a mistake on her part , because she had pride.

. left me again. this time i was blocked in social media...(said she should never be first). and i decided id be a man, started going to gym, working with my uncle... and out of nowhere i was screaming shaking, having anxiety attacks i felt like killing myself. i lost her. my angel.

(EASTER)

. so i did a 180 and used another facebook to tell her, how much i changed, what i would do. we got back. and i started working 10 hrs a day , i was with her 3 times a week. intimacy was rare. and i developed premature ejaculation, because i only wanted to please her. she would also prefer to play games than be with me.

she said i don't care about you working, just want you to do something... what? she always said she wanted to leave her home , and have her own house.

then she says , on my , my friends boyfriend cheated on her. oh that other dude... damn i'm actually lucky. seriously? you had to see other dudes do SHIT to value me?

. she wanted to leave me again... said there was no passion and the love wasn't enough. her mother however changed a bit her mind...saying i had time to grow... and i was fired the next day because i was "slow". yes.

. she stayed. but i had told her. "i know you will leave me, let's enjoy what's left" and so she did... after 1.5 months.. said she didn't deserve me...and that i made her suffer. what a bunch of...

(2 weeks before my birthday)

. we dated for 1 year. it's been 6 months and my depresison keeps getting bigger. i have lost the reason to live. i don't care about anything , and just want to be left alone. every time i think about sex i want to cry, i dream with her and i even tried finding more woman

I loved her so much, i knew when she was sad without being with her, I felt her emotions

i could read her eyes.

i woke up and after 10 seconds she would call me.

i even knew when she wanted to break up. and when she did.