The problem is I can't fully grasp this concept of solitude and living alone happily. I've been rejected my whole life by everybody and now I try to compensate for that.

And the story goes:

We've made a collaboration with a dude I know as a classmate of people I've met at the camp. Yeah. We're not close, basically, they don't want to know me because I'm a weirdo. And I'm still trying to be in the clique with them.

Basically, I'm a shitty college rapper/producer who does it mostly for the lulz. This guy, George, is a high-school student. He's even a shittier rapper than me. So I made the beat, we recorded him, me, I mixed it and boom — we're the agenda in his school for the next couple of days.

I even got a couple of female groupies approach me when I came to hang out with his clique and him the next day. It felt good, but now I'm desperate for him to work with me again, even though I think he's shit and he thinks I'm shit and we better off apart.

These insecurities won't let me be. It's difficult to be comfortable alone when all you're left with is your thoughts while you see everyone socializing and having fun. And you feel left behind and forgotten. This is why I go and hang out with these high-schoolers — to numb the pain — I have no one else and my relationship with myself is a train wreck.

I know it's not a solid MGTOW stance, which is why I want to ask you guys for help. By the way, I'm aware of how ridiculous I may sound, so you don't have to be polite :)