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LeBrownDude
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[–]ModRedSovereign[M] [score hidden] 10 years ago stickied comment (0 children) | Copy Link
/r/AskTRP.
[–]ponkyol0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes, but I don't see anything about plates or at least some prospects.
[–]Endorsed ContributorUrsusG0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You did the right thing saying no to being an orbiter friends.
Not sure about the FB deletion thing though, that was maybe a bit overboard since I understood you're still working together?
If there was no animosity, just a failed attempt at asking her out, she could stay as your acquaintance, civilized people style.
(then again I don't use FB so I'm not familiar with etiquette there)
Also, your post should have gone on asktrp, not here.
[–]LeBrownDude[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You're right I should've posted there. Thanks for the reply though. FB deletion was just because I didn't want to end up messaging her on FB IM. Keeping myself away I guess
[–]EmCeeMultiple0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago* (15 children) | Copy Link
Not being an alpha doesn't mean being unreasonable, it just means to respect yourself. There's a fine line between standing up for yourself and being an ass. I'm not saying to ask her why, but at least confront her with it. "You said yes first and now you just fuck me over. Even if it wasn't personal, the whole principle of what you did is just plainly wrong." - her response says it all, because those particular words may hit her in a way that gets her to confess the REAL reason to her sudden change of heart, then you talk things through and work something out anyway without making yourself look clingy and desperate. If she continues being a bitch, THEN you should've just said "Nah, go fuck yourself" and block her, because the way you handled things earlier gives you more credibility. Without being a little reasonable at first and just blocking her instead, you made yourself look like you're a dick. You obviously care about your actions and how they make you look like, else you wouldn't have posted this. - The thing is, aside from an ass, you also made yourself look like you got all butthurt by blocking her right away. Friendzoning you doesn't mean she doesn't want you. She's obviously still trying to hold you close, for whatever reason. If she was planning to play with you you would've found out soon enough. It's not a matter of being played, but a matter of allowing them to play you. Long story short; I think you were too quick to block her, you don't have a lot of reason to. It just looks like a desperate attempt to look alpha while it was kind of a dick move, but that's my opinion. We shouldn't give anyone, women in particular, any reason to get upset about us or hate us, and that's why playing it cool is the best thing you can do to avoid being blamed for, whatever - or to avoid looking like an inferior beta in a sassy lady's eyes.
[–]Endorsed ContributorUrsusG1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
but at least confront her with it.
No, that's wrong, blue and beta, all in one.
It was up to her to state her reason, not up to him to ask for explanations.
the whole principle of what you did
Women and principles? Lol.
Dude, do you even sidebar?
[–]EmCeeMultiple0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
There's no use in being so superficial. We're "pro-men", not "anti-women" like feminists are "anti-men" instead of "pro-women". It's a bit hypocritical to deny a woman's rights and anything she's capable of and then complain about them doing the same thing. This denies our credibility but we're trying to prove that we're superior, right? Being ignorant, and a hypocrite in this case doesn't help.
[–]Endorsed ContributorUrsusG0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
How am I being superficial, ignorant and a hypocrite?
Asking for explanations when a girl shoots you down is weak behaviour. It's needy, it suggests you can't take no for an answer, and that you're overinvested without options.
Of course women have rights, including the right to change their mind about a guy at any time, without an obligation to explain herself.
I'm not anti-women. I just realize women follow different principles, which are ever-changing, fleeting, fluid and only valid in the moment. Not very principle-like, if you ask me, but let's concede and call them principles.
[–]EmCeeMultiple0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
No, asking her for an explanation is not weak at all, because if you don't confront someone with something they did wrong, they will think they can keep doing it. Imagine a kid going to school and they come late a lot, and imagine them coming late is affecting someone negatively, then what exactly is so beta about warning them and NOT letting them do it anymore? The whole "whatever" and not asking what the fuck someone's problem is when they fuck you over either makes you look careless or scared to ask. If you tell her: "Hey, I don't like what you did." You at least let her know not to fuck with you. Now how is that "blue" and "beta", my friend?
[–]Endorsed ContributorUrsusG0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Now it's blue and beta because you assume she did something wrong.
You said yourself women have rights. I support that by saing women's rights include the right to change their mind about a guy without giving reasons.
Girl shoots you down and offers LJBF, you say "I have enough friends, thanks"
You only make it bad when you assume rejection is bad and start prodding her for explanations like she has some kind of problem. She doesn't. She rejected you, you move on to the next bitch on your list of potentials.
The whole "whatever" and not asking what the fuck someone's problem is when they fuck you over either makes you look careless or scared to ask.
The whole 'whatever' makes you look like you DGAF because you have options to choose from. It cuts the whole unpleasant issue short and lets you move on to bitch #whatever on your list.
Also, why do you assume she 'fucked him over'. All she did was express some interest some time in the past, but was no longer interested when he came forward. That's not 'fucking someone over', that's her right to change her mind.
[–]EmCeeMultiple0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I think the least she owes the guy after not living up to her promise is an explanation. The whole confronting part is to let her know she can't just do whatever she wants.
And I'd rather not listen to some pressured, made-up explanation that gets her off the hook but brings me zero benefit.
She'll do it next time to the next guy anyway.
No means no, cya.
[–]EmCeeMultiple0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If she continues to do that then she's a bitch. But maybe this is something not relevant to TRP. I just feel like there should be an intervention at some point.
[–]EmCeeMultiple0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
A decent human treats people who haven't done harm to them with respect, except if you know they're a rapist or something.
Point is, it's not respectful to reject the guy and not tell him why. It's not about the effect it has on the guy, he should be strong enough to shrug it off, get over her and get right under someone else. It's about her treating the guy like a sack of shit. "Yeah you know what? I changed my mind. I don't want to date you. Okay bye." Fuck no, no one pulls that one on me. I did nothing wrong, so have the decency in you to tell me the reason, it's not like providing a reason requires a lot of effort. Even if it's something like: "Yeah I didn't feel like it anymore, and it's wrong to force myself when that's how I feel." I reply with: "Okay. Sure.". I'm not going to keep on asking more questions. That's beta, and it also looks like you try to force her with your "why's when you do that.
[–]Endorsed ContributorUrsusG0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Even if it's something like: "Yeah I didn't feel like it anymore
Your concern is therefore with civility and politeness - that people should exchange certain phrases just to end their interactions in a way that appears mutually respectful.
I kinda get that, but that's on an entirely different level.
You do realize though that at its root, this 'explanation' is worthless, right? It says nothing, explains nothing. You could have said that to yourself without asking her. "I guess she didn't feel like it anymore. Oh well."
It's like a 'how are you? / Fine, thanks' exchange - empty, except for the politeness factor.
If you feel that by uttering this empty excuse, the girl has shown you any more respect than if you had left it without the explanation, then I guess we'll have to agree to disagree.
[–]EmCeeMultiple0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yes, my concern is with that, and I do agree with that it's extremely empty, but it has to do with the principle of having the decency in them to AT LEAST put a little effort into telling them the reason as though why the fuck they got your hopes up for nothing? And then we could go on about how you shouldn't get your hopes on in the first place, but let's avoid getting sidetracked as this was just an example, you seem to understand what I mean. If she at least comes at me, and tells me the reason, that whole act means enough. It shows that she respects me, and I say that I don't care, and at that point, I really don't.
But if she's going to be that basic bitch that thinks she can play with you, lead you on for such a long time and then be like "Nah nvm." she's messing with the wrong person. I don't tolerate such injustice when I have done nothing but show the respect that her act lacks.
[–]Endorsed ContributorUrsusG0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, I sort of remember being more that way when I was younger. But then I grew different I guess.
Nowadays, if I'm not getting what I want then I don't care about form anymore.
[–]LeBrownDude[S] -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Hey thanks for the reply!
We did have a long chat over the reasons actually which prompted me to do what I did. I didn't block her on facebook, just deleted her off my list. She can still IM me or text me if she wants, we just haven't talked since our last long chat.
And that part where you said she still wants to keep me close for some reason, is that a good thing or a bad thing? Being close to something that could never fully happen?
Thanks again.
It could be a good thing but also a bad thing, that's why I mentioned the whole being played part. That's the only risk you have, but only if you let her play you. So if you play it cool and smart, you should be good. Don't do anything impulsive out of emotion.
I can agree with that.
To OP:
Play it cool and see what this 'keeping you close' is about.
You'll find out soon enough.
My bet is it's gonna be about about sucking your time, attention and resources, but not your dick.
If there was another, temporary reason for the rejection (like: 'my mother was just diagnosed with cancer and I'm not in a good shape to date at the moment') she would have told you right away.
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[–]ponkyol0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]EmCeeMultiple0 points1 point2 points (15 children) | Copy Link
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[–]LeBrownDude[S] -1 points0 points1 point (2 children) | Copy Link
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