Since I'm about to turn 30 and acquire mythical wizard powers, everyone is hell bent on getting me a date so I can lose my virginity, get a girlfriend, start a family, blah blah.

It used to bother me a real lot that I have never gotten any pussy, but then I realized - why?

I have seen too many situations where the girl gets pregnant and then the man shortly enters his personal hell. I know quite a bit about this predicament as it’s happening to my brother right now. He’s got a huge emotional “baby momma drama” burden, and I feel sorry for the poor sap, somewhat.

I know sex is an amazing experience that I’m voluntarily missing out on, but I’m also missing out on the baby momma drama. Avoiding that shit alone is enough for me to avoid having sex!

I hope one of you fellow virgins out there is reading this and can gain insight from this epiphany I’ve recently had.

All of my 20s was filled with such dread of having to find a girl and lose my virginity. I will lose my virginity when I want, if I want and with whom I want. I’m going my own way; I won’t have sex because society says I’m supposed to!

Besides, I want some wizard powers so I can fuck shit up, so fuck fucking!!