Ever since I was young all I ever wanted was a loving relationship. Good emotional connection, good sex and generally doing fun things together with a nice girl.

I have faced rejection after rejection because of my acne, glasses, being too much of a nice guy and loner. Rejected romantically by girls and rejected as a friend with the guys, I never got my social life going and have always been so down about it but the dream of a brighter future managed to keep me going.

I really tried to fix up my life. Got on meds to clear my acne, had LASIK done, have been consistently going to the gym. I learned new languages and travelled the world. I tried to join many clubs and teams in university but I either never fit in or didn't get accepted in the first place.

After I fixed my appearance and I learned stuff from TRP, I at least managed to get laid in university, with around 10 girls. I didn't really enjoy sex as much as I had hoped, but I really loved those intimate moments, cuddling after sex and talking about anything.

However, as soon as I genuinely showed that I cared for them, or something outside of my control happened that put me in a shitty situation, I was always left alone at the end of the day. I dated foreign students, local, older, younger, virgins, sluts, you name it I tried it and they're all the same in the end.

I feel like I can find sex relatively easily (another dissapointing fact about millenial women for me). I have had them say I'm eye candy and they are oh so eager to open their legs. But I can't ever seem to find the commitment or affection from any girl I always hoped for.

I've tried being a playboy and acted like an aloof asshole, and in that stage of my life there were a few girls who were in love with me. But knowing they didn't love me for me but for the persona I was putting on after taking TRP tips, I fell into an even bigger depression than ever before.

I feel like the stuff at TRP definitely works. And that's what makes me so sad. It's either change myself into something I'm not, or be the rejected cuck when I am myself. I just can't believe that reading some tips on the internet can change your sex life that much, and it's really dissapointing to learn female nature is literally that stupid.

Rationally, I know I sound like a bitch to many of you. I also know most guys here will always argue against commitment. I just can't do it. Casual flings give me a lot of stress (STDs, angry boyfriends, etc.) and make me feel bad about myself for being used again, or for using someone, and I can't seem to find a relationship either, because girls don't fall in love with who I am as a person as you know AWALTs rather chase narcissistic badboys.

I feel like it's also their loss, since I always try to be a genuinely caring guy. I'm always honest and reliable. I have a good career and look good, yet somehow the feeling that it's never enough still hurts my confidence.

I'll be honest and say that women motivated me for a lot. Getting fit, university etc. But now that I have all that, and I'm still not good enough for anything serious, it sucks. I know female approval shouldn't be important to me, but I would be lying if I said I didn't care at all.

I gave up on dating for quite some time now. Sometimes someone still comes into my life but it never really lasts and it's another dissapointment to my list.

I just have this empty numb feeling, I am a romantic guy at heart, with a lot of love to give, and I can't enjoy sex without an emotional connection.

Something is still blocking me to make the final step of going MGTOW and giving up on my ideal image of a relationship, and I was wondering if any of you guys have any experience with overcoming this last obstacle.

(If you are just gonna post hateful comments about how I'm a beta pussy or still glorifying women, please just don't comment. I know that already, but it's just my personality and I can't change that no matter how many years I have tried. I'm just looking for a way to cope with it and live the best life I can with the hand I got dealt.)