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RPthrowaway123
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[–][deleted] 7 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
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[–]RPthrowaway123[S] -1 points0 points1 point 7 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I want people's opinion and there's only so far you can go with a text only forum...I'll risk it. I don't think there's anything here that could dox me and even if there is I'm a pretty poor example of TRP anyways so what's gonna happen. They go to my boss and say "here's this guy, he's really awful at being TRP but you should fire him for it anyways"? Most people I know wouldn't even believe that I am here.
[–][deleted] 7 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]RPthrowaway123[S] -1 points0 points1 point 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I'll take them down soon. I want to fix myself badly enough that I'm willing to take the risk for now...
[–][deleted] 7 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I really liked David Deangelo's Double Your Dating. Seems less douchey than most PUA stuff.
[–]RPthrowaway123[S] 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I usually shave, I was lazy last week. It's gone now.
[–]taracus 2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Quick Edit: If you have zero friends in the city you live in (assuming youve been there for a while) I would put my money on your social skills, go out and meet people, start the day by trying to make friends instead of women.
Without claiming to be an expert in mens style/fashion I would say you look too "nice" and/or innocent (in your face) with those big eyes and that sweet smile.
Have you tried changing your looks, letting your hair grow out, maybe change your facial hair or wearing different clothes.
As you stated yourself, you are far from unattractive and uninterested but you dont give of that "manly" and "interesting" looks women seem to desire.
Other than that, if you have any female friends who you are close enough to for them to be honest with you, try asking the other gender, maybe there is something in the way you speak/carry yourself that you are not picking up on?
I know I have a baby face. I'm only 24, I figure it'll be nice when I'm 30 but for now it's what I've got. I think I look ridiculous with longer hair, it just gets thicker really. And I took these in the office, I wear totally different stuff when I go out. I'll try and find a picture of that.
[–]Senior Endorsed Contributormax_peenor 4 points5 points6 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Son, this is what I want you to do:
1- Find a quiet place.
2- Drop your pants and bend your knees.
3- Ball up your fist.
4- And fucking punch yourself in the nuts for an hour while yelling, "I DON'T SEEK THE VALIDATION OF OTHERS!!!"
If this urge to come seek validation from TRP occurs again, up the dose to two hours. Continue this course of treatment until the urge disappears forever. Then go out in the world and see how differently women treat you.
I'm not even kidding.
[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Girls literally walk away from me mid conversation. I don’t get it and nobody I’ve ever tried to talk to about it understands either.
Men are mostly socially retarded and women can't talk honestly about social things. Noone will want to tell you the truth even if they could.
Something is wrong and it's not something I think I can fix alone.
It's extremely hard to tell from your description what's going on and therefore how to fix it, but I'll try anyway:
Firstly girls walking away mid conversation is pretty normal. Despite what The Internet would have you believe it is very difficult for most men to successfully approach and bed a stranger. Very very few men can do this with any consistency. Being unable to seduce random women is normal.
So forget random approaches for now, ok. I mean do keep trying if you want... but don't let the failures bother you. That's not where you're going to find satisfaction for now.
This is a cry for help. I'm exhausted. I've been fighting this fight for so long and I haven't gotten anywhere.
Yeah, it's time to quit fighting. You need to do this differently. You need to try less for a while. Do push yourself, but do not push yourself to exhaustion and exasperation. Too much pressure, too much energy.
So forget cold approaches for a bit. A much better plan is to Do Stuff. Figure out your mission and work hard on that. Do everything you can to socialise with people who you'll see again. Bars and daygame and nightgame doesn't count for this (exception: a bowling league or a pool ladder or something like that).
You need a social group, and you form those as an extension of stuff you're doing anyway.
Don't know your age, but I'll assume mid 20's. You need more friends, more social proof, more being part of a normal social scene.
Join clubs. Join activity groups. These should be mixed gender. (Sure, do MMA or whatever but that's like the gym - it's part of building yourself as a man, it's not for socialising). Most of these groups do an activity and then go to a bar afterwards and chill together.
So you do that. Regular activity. Same people. Get to know them. Host something. Invite them out. Throw a birthday party for one of them. Invite them along to something special that you make happen.
Basically you are building a social life from scratch (but you don't tell them that, obviously). Build further social proof by talking about the things you're doing and the people you know from the other social things you're doing. Mention people by name (don't say "my friend" or "my friend X" that's retarded, mention people by first name and keep mentioning lots of different people).
You'll figure out eventually that there are social hubs. People who know everyone. These people are often surprisingly lonely and easy to befriend because while they know everyone, they're often lacking a deep connnection with people. So chill with them and offer them something too. They're your gateway to rapid social expansion.
Next trick... the second time you see someone (male or female) you invite them out to something you're doing anyway (ideally as a group). "Hey person X... you should join me for activity Y at the weekend". Point is this: you go up in their esteem even if they don't accept. If they refuse it's not a rejection because the point is to be the offerer or social stuff. Seeing your "that's cool" reaction to their rejection will often make them offer something else instead.
Do this for a while, and you'll meet lots of people. Get good at this and girls from the edge of your social will literally throw themselves at you. (Girls like to meet guys that their friends already approve of).
Bonus point: be absolutely and totally non needy. Enjoy people's company, but need absolutely nothing from them. Nothing at all. Don't hope for approval, don't look for acceptance, don't wait for things from people. Accept their gifts graciously but do not look for anything. Don't try to get anything. Whatever you need from people try to supply for yourself. Learn to need nothing more than what you have.
The needing/wanting approval or resources or affection or politeness or anything else makes you a social beggar. You are not a beggar. You are the fucking lord of the manor when it comes to your social circle. Sometimes you hand out crumbs of approval, sometimes you hand out disapproval, sometimes you walk away, sometimes you receive gifts. But you never look for nor ask for a god damned thing and you never need anything. Got it? The hungry don't get fed and the rich get money thrown at them. That's the cold harsh reality of the social world.
[–]RPthrowaway123[S] 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
How can I be non-needy...I don't have anyone. No friends or anyone that I can be comfortable with. So it's like my desire to have people comes out all the time and pushes people further away.
I have more to say but I need to get home and really analyze what you wrote.
[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
How can I be non-needy...I don't have anyone.
Don't impose your needs on other people. Accept the pain of loneliness as YOUR burden, and don't expect/ask/hope others fix it. Take steps and actions that fix it in the medium to long term.
really analyze what you wrote.
cool
[–]RPthrowaway123[S] 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
What sort of activities would you suggest? As a graduate assistant I spend a ton of time around students but I'm not really supposed to become their friend unfortunately...I'm part of the triathlon club. What other things would you suggest?
I used to have friends and social hubs like that but I gave it all up when I got really depressed at the tail end of high school...it was real bad. I guess I've never really recovered from it and those people have all moved on. It'll never be the same with them again, I don't think.
I invite people to do things all the time. 90% of the time either no one answers or they go do something else without me.
I guess I don't know how to get to the point you're describing. It just seems...insurmountable, all the social stuff.
[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
What sort of activities would you suggest?
Find things you enjoy and things that improve you in some way.
It'll never be the same with them again, I don't think.
True. Start again.
Invite them in person. You'll have to take a few hits on this for a while.
It takes time, it really does. But you get benefits out of it pretty quickly.
[–]RPthrowaway123[S] 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I'll work on asking people to do things in person. And I read what you said about it being my burden to bear, but that's what makes it seem so insurmountable...I mean I've been like this for awhile. It wears on you, makes you sad. I don't know how to bear that without falling back into depression which would hinder my efforts even worse.
At the risk of sounding whiny. But it's what I'm facing down here.
[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Yeah man. I know what you mean. We all get that way sometimes.
There isn't one thing to solve it... it's a hundred small things and it takes work and practice.
Good friends and good quality time with people goes a long way to easing the pain. But it's hard to get there when you're down.
I think that's the hardest thing. I feel like I'm starting from scratch what others have had a lifetime to build.
I'm going out tonight to my favorite bar, and maybe another if I am feeling good later in the night. What's your advice on how I should carry myself, what I should focus on? I'm trying to be mindful of myself in social situations so I can learn how I react now - and improve it in the future.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
If girls are walking away from you in mid conversation then conversation is definitely the problem. Have you ever looked into an organization called Toastmasters? They help people with public speaking in general not talking to girls. They may be able to help you with confidence and speaking.
[–]RPthrowaway123[S] 2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
The funny thing is, I'm an amazing public speaker. I've moved people to tears giving speeches. Yet I walk into a bar and suddenly I'm Hodor.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Then your problem is that you're too heavily invested in the outcome of the conversation with these girls and they smell it a mile away. Practice talking to them as if they're about to get on a plane and you'll never see them again. Aim to have fun in the conversation and not to get in their pants.
You're almost certainly right about me being invested in the conversation.
Every woman you talk to has a great chance of becoming one of the examples we relay here. Keep that in your mind instead of how great her tits look.
[–]AlphaLorome 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yo forget all of that, all what you need is probably on this sub reddit and the internet, what you need is practice. Go to a festival bro, a large one and just say to yourself I'm going to talk to every girl in here (you won't that's the point) but you just go around. Even if you're on your own just go up to them and say you lost your friends and make conversation, normally girls can be inviting and say things like 'awww this guy lost his friends, lets kick it with him' or something also people are drug and sometimes on other substances so it's a much more relaxed environment to try talk to females. If you fail hard, just say I'm going for a piss and try again somewhere else. If you're a great communicator giving people tears, then your probably are, stop thinking about it so much and just talk.
TL:DR Man up and just talk to females, direct practice is the best practice, someone else can't do your push-ups for you!
[–]AlphaLorome 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Woah Dude honestly reading your post made me a bit uneasy, you're not hideous and I think a big problem you have is your mentality bro, you need to get your mind right.
What you believe you are is exactly what you're going to emulate, you need some confidence man and be yourself. I can't be bothered to type some long sh*t because I'm no guru but please work on that bro gd luck
I know I do. And great, one paragraph over the internet and I made you uneasy...I guess I've got a gift.
[–]AlphaLorome 3 points4 points5 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hahaha don't take it to heart bro! But change your MINDSET! believe me everything matters! You can't have a crappy mindset and have confidence, or a crap mindset and try to eat well, you will still feel like crap.
Personally for me it works together, great your grooming game A1 not for anyone else but yourself! Get that cut/ trim that when you look in the mirror you say 'God Damn' next eat right and drink right, yes you can have alcohol but like everything balance it. Practice Stoicism/ mindfulness and meditation I don't do the last too much but stoicism has helped me alot, worry about what you have control over and knowing that you will die, weirdly can help propel you with confidence to do what you want to do and achieve what you want. Next go to the gym and take a jog sometime preferably in the morning, but anytime is better than no time. The next 'key' is music, listen to it, love it and live with it in the moment, follow these basic steps and add in your own things, like if you like reading, gaming whatever, throw that in but try what I said for a month and read the medidations by Marcus Aurelius, can't be bothered by that read some quotes by him and Seneca and try to keep death in your mind, I know this sounds freaky but understanding that you have one life to do and make change for all that you want to will be forever be the greatest motivator when everything else fails. But like I said CHANGE YOUR MINDSET! AND YOU SHALL BECOME!
[–]Froweights 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Ever try PEDs? They really give you that extra "pop".
[–]RPthrowaway123[S] 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Definitely not into that. I do triathlons and I'm a coach. I don't want anything even remotely like that in my system.
[–]Froweights 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Gotta make sacrifices, which has more of an emotional pull right now?
[–]RPthrowaway123[S] 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It's not just sacrifices, if I did that stuff I would be out of triathlons and coaching both. That's simply unacceptable for my life.
[–]Froweights 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Hope all that makes up for what you're missing!
It wouldn't. Athletics is a huge part of my life, and coaching is literally half my job and what is paying for my advanced degree.
[–]Jakei34 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You sound insecure here. I believe it best you do what you need to do is keep working on yourself and get out and attempt interactions with random people. Be optimistic.
I am insecure. All I do is practice that stuff, I go to the bar alone every single time and just try to work on interactions and things like that. I'm always trying to just talk to random people. Something is missing, I feel like I'm doing everything right and just not seeing anything change...and if you look at this account, I've been here for some time. It's like like I started yesterday. Two years.
[–]RealMcGonzo 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
to work on interactions and things like that
Is supposed to be fun, not work. Generally seems like the folks that struggle are trying too hard and/or are fucking depressing. Be upbeat, but not intense. Chat up everybody. Cashiers at the grocery. Go to a bar when it's dead and talk to the bartender - he's gonna be bored anyway. For some reason, my last couple dental hygienists have been really chatty. There's people everywhere and most of them are bored stiff, doing the same damn things they have done for years. Show them something interesting, anything. They are dying for something new.
As far as friends go, women can get together and talk over tea or some shit, but men do stuff. Pick some hobbies and find other men that do them. I'm going to start darts and bowling soon myself. But it can be nearly anything. Cars, martial arts, lifting, heck even Toastmasters.
[–]Jakei34 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yesss. Couldn't have said it better
[–]Sillydccomic 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm not sure any one answer will be the right one but for me it seems like maybe you wear your emotions too close to the surface. If you feel like you are fighting a fight all the time internally and are struggling with emotions or feel uncomfortable then you are probably wearing it in your body language and voice.
Do some kind of combat sport too dude, you will learn alot about yourself, make friends, you will find a sort of peace with yourself. If you get into it in earnest it will change you.
My emotions are definitely more on the surface...I have ADHD which has some emotional effects, and I spent time with my mother for the most part when I was younger and she raised me that way.
I don't exactly have a ton of money right now to join a combat sport place, but they might have a course at the college I can take...I doubt my GA sponsor would be thrilled about paying for that either, though.
[–]selfsufficientnigga 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Join a martial arts club. I would recomment Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. You will get a lot of friends that way, and a testosterone+confidence boost as well.
[–]DysfunctionalBrother 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Have you tried not taking yourself so seriously and not being outcome dependent?
[–]casemodsalt 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just start noticing how annoying and useless women are and youll start to understand.
[–]Modredpillschool[M] [score hidden] 7 years ago stickied comment (1 child) | Copy Link
You need to take a deep breath and start at the beginning. Read Roosh's Day Bang. Read the side bar. Visit /r/asktrp.
Do you have an epub I could borrow? I'd appreciate it.
[–]1PantsonFire1234 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Man here's the problem. You sound like you have your life on track. Look at that list of credentials you pulled from your sleeve. It sounds perfectly fine, even you know that deep inside. You're driving yourself mad looking for that 'thing you missed' that will change it all for you.
Here in lies your problem. You've gathered all this value, all this knowledge to be alpha- all of it in order to get some girl, some friends, some company whatever. That's the only reason all that is 'you' exists.
Imagine if you met some normal girl who was all alone and did nothing but trying to look her best for you. She'd invite you to her home and she has all these things to show you. All of it exists to impress you. Then you sit together in silence while she looks at you awkwardly full of expectation.
This can't be your life man. All of this effort just to impress some walking vagina to grant you affection. It's not going to work. Find your enjoyment in life and improve for your enjoyment. Women and men will come and you enjoy them- but expect nothing from them.
You sound lonely, find company in men. Join a team, a group. Bond with guys but don't bond for the sake of bonding. The opportunity for friendship will arise. You will find common ground with someone eventually, you will have common goals. Slowly expand that group.
I think you hit the nail on the head. I know my life doesn't suck. I'm getting a free master's degree while coaching the sport I love for fucks sake! I'm just...alone. all the time. I live in a basement. You can't invite people to come hang out in a shitty unfinished basement. I don't even know how to enjoy myself anymore - I spend my life trying to get something I don't have and I don't even know what it is. You're right. This is what my life is...and I guess I don't really know how to fix that right now.
[–]1PantsonFire1234 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Allot of friend groups are formed around high school times. You either moved away from yours or you didn't have one to begin with. It's okay though since you're currently still in college. This is the place to make new friends man.
You're post was very clear on what your life lacked. It's normal for a guy. Belonging to a pack of like minded friends is a primal urge. Same as having sex and companionship of women. The problem is that you can't artificially force these relationships. They have to form spontaneously.
I've never had worthwhile friendships or sexual relations when I tried to force it. They came naturally and unexpected. Some of the most important people in my life entered by pure luck. If one event didn't occur I would never have met or bonded with them. Same with women.
Understand these facts and you will become happier over time. The desire for friendship and companionship is normal. And these relationships form spontaneously. That's why we advocate talking to everybody, approaching women etc. It increases the odds you hit it off with someone.
Yes you can use manipulation, game and political tactics to maneuver yourself close to people. But these need to be nuanced and complimentary to the social interaction that's taking place. If they boil to the surface, people will walk away from you.
Don't get so low, you will be completely fine once you start figuring things out. You need a crash course into sociology, that is all. If you ever find yourself breaking down again look for someone to talk to. Make sure this person ain't a woman.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Brother, come talk to me. Ill talk to you.
[–]Endorsed ContributorJamesSkepp 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Girls literally walk away from me mid conversation.
Can you describe how typically this situation looks like? What do you do, say, what is your internal state, how you approach, how she reacts?
I don’t get it and nobody I’ve ever tried to talk to about it understands either.
If they are bluepill, they have no clue. If they are redpill, but have no understanding of game, they won't be able to properly articulate the concepts.
I'm exhausted
Perhaps you're trying to hard to be "alpha/redpill"? How does your night out look like in general? Do you approach every girl or those that give iois? Could you describe how your "energy" changes over the night? At what point do you become "tired"?
I usually get "tired around 12am. I wake up pretty early for my job and to work out so staying out until 2am doesn't really work for me.
I approach girls who give IOIs or otherwise look approachable to me.
As far as internal state, I try to project DGAF but probably just come of as depressed.
[–]Endorsed ContributorJamesSkepp 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
So ok, a tiny bit more details, so the advice will be general:
You cannot "try to project DGAF attitude". You either have it inside or you don't. You truly DGAF or you do. Girls will sense fake-ness and pretending from a mile away.
Good. Do you have a goal, a set objective during the approaches? Perhaps you are setting the bar too high (tired after work, not as relaxed)? Perhaps your problem is exactly this - you are forcing yourself to be someone else, that's not yet internalized?
Try this exercise - go out, preferably without a wing. Do not open, instead place yourself close to high traffic spot (center of the pub, near the bar, , not the toiled tho :D) and just relax. Observe how you feel, observe if there are any conflicts inside you (must/should approach but no energy, not in the mood), observe how much thoughts appear in your head and if you dwell on them ("this girl is x, but this guy is y and i should, but cant, so not b").
Observe but not think about it. Do this a few nights in a row, notice if there is a pattern.
This is a shot in the dark, but IMO this is your problem: you think you should be at certain level ("i meet the criteria"), you get frustrated by lack of results ("i approached xyz number of sets, when will i pull?"), you go out tired (she's there to have fun, your energy level is "creep" - tired + fake).
Or maybe get a good week of sleep, drop the game, regenerate and start over without the negative connotations.
They definitely can sense it from a mile away, whatever vibe it is I'm giving off. I always go out alone, by the way. I kinda wish I could go out with someone, then have them tell me how I behaved and what they observed. I think I'm thinking so hard about everything that I can't really see past my own shit.
[–]Endorsed ContributorJamesSkepp 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Go to RSDNation find it there's someone from your area. DAFS on "your area" wingmen, perhaps there is some non-RSD dudes going out.
© TheRedArchive 2024. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
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