I am an amoralist, as Nietzsche might say. I say this because one might be inclined to make a value judgement about any given proclaimation.

"108. There is no such thing as moral phenomena, but only a moral interpretation of phenomena." -Beyond Good and Evil

I am going to die, this is my purpose in the literal, etymological sense (Latin, pro -for; pausare -halt) . In the end there is silence. And, knowing this, in an Albert Camus way, I embrace the absurdity of life. And, what's more, I fight against the inevitable - I seek life.

-The most life.

I, absurdly, desire infinite power and infinite life.

I, madly, want to master atomic force microscopy to the point of literally 3-D printing a copy of myself.

I, arrogantly, want to create magnets so powerful that I can map every axon and dendrite in my brain through nuclear magnetic resonance (MRI technology). Or... Do something more desperate if necessary...

It is a fool's errand at this point in the advancement of technology to pursue such a goal, and I am a fool. I am a mad fool, and I will go to any lengths to foster the possibility of overcoming death itself. Nietzsche's Zarathustra would chastise me for wanting to be a "last man" (one who "fears" death). I do not fear death - I dislike it.

I will not succeed, most likely. Regardless, the adventure is worth it, nonetheless (not even one bit less). What I've learned already about physics and chemistry (the stuff of life) has been like Newton, on the beach, playing with a pebble as a child in front of the ocean of knowledge - I am a delighted child.

I am also ignorant in the extreme. My purpose limits me and limits my knowledge. My inevitable decay focuses me and blinds me. I talk to people and they are intimidated by my knowledge and call me a great teacher, and yet, I am an unabashed fool trying to fight the very laws of thermodynamics upon which I rely. ΔS shall consume my ordered state (chaos claims everything, even raw information, on a long enough timeline... "the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.")

The "petty" concerns of society would be a distraction from my focus. I write this, even, to sharpen my focus on my own way. My way is folly - I'm too weak to cure death, do not follow my way - go your own way. My purpose is not good (it is not evil), it just is. Can you imagine effective immortality for humanity? I cannot recommend my course of action - it ends in ruin sooner or later... And yet... I have no free will in the matter. It is as though I am moved by physical laws which I am powerless to change, like a leaf on a tide. I want this life of study and industry. I can want nothing else.

Now I must confess a lie: "I" do not (or does not) exist. The pronoun is a mere symbol. I am/is a placeholder to simplify something ineffable. I do not even know myself, and I have immense self-knowledge. Again, people experience a young man who is very well adjusted and highly intelligent, yet, I confess, I am ignorant. I could spend my entire life getting to know myself and still die without complete knowledge. There are infinite facets, and I only know the most important few. "I" is a symbol in a semiotic mess called language.

Sir Francis Bacon warned that words can, and do, obscure truth. The father of the scientific method called it "idola fori", and words... Are tricky - they will trick you. Reality is not made out of words. "I" just wanted to point that out. (Actually, what I read of Francis Bacon wanted to point that out, because of what I read of Nietzsche, because of what I heard from Marcus at Ground Work For The Metaphysics of MGTOW, because of a sandman video, because of Stardusk, because of Barbarossaaaa, because of GWW, because of Molyneux, because of Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged, because of a horrible roadtrip with an ex-girlfriend, because of... And the list goes on forever, as to why "I" wanted to share Idola fori... See why "I" am a fiction?)

I am a leaf on a tide. I want to advance medicine and make life fuller and longer (not just for me, as much as I want to be a selfish self-caused cause).

I will be building, in two years I will be doggedly pursuing venture capital, I will continue to study and plan and act. I will be running (oddly, Nietzsche made me into a runner, not just a runner, but a hill climber... I'm up to 4 miles per run, with some steep hills... I... Took him too literally and the symbolic rarified air of a mountain climb had a not-so-symbolic effect of loving exercise). I run now. I'm a runner. On many levels of interpretation.

All of it is for naught. No matter how successful I continue to grow, no matter how healthy I become - my final pose is death. My purpose is something I fight with all of my power. This is my way. It is odd. Delightfully absurd.

The rest is silence.