A day in the life of - MGTOW Entrepreneur

thrownaway_MGTOW · 2015-10-20T11:57:23+00:00

I often wish I had someone to share things with though. It can get lonely being MGTOW.

It can... but the sad fact of the matter is that this is just part of the "human condition" -- and especially so for those who are more intelligent and "consciously aware". There is a quote near the beginning of Frank Herbert's classic "Dune" book, in response to (ironic as it may seem the married, and mother of a son), character Jessica's statement that "I've been so lonely." The "Reverend Mother" character respond with:

"It should be one of the tests," [implied context: tests to determine whether one is of a conscious/aware 'true human' as distinct from 'naked-ape-humans'] the old woman said. "Humans are almost always lonely. [...]"

The thing is that being alone, even being "lonely" isn't necessarily the worst thing.

I'm also reminded of the quote from Robin Williams (the actor/comedian) that has become somewhat of a "meme" since he committed suicide: "I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone."

The point is that being married, and/or even having kids together -- well they all live their OWN lives, even if it is physically in close proximity to your own -- and there is no guarantee that you WON'T be even more desperately "lonely" (and having probably TRIED desperately to truly "connect" with them after many many attempts -- and in many ways the very familiarity making that more difficult -- be unable to actually really "share" much of anything that actually matters to you) while being right in their midst.

Really "connecting" with people is -- in my experience (and 50+ years now) -- a sort of a random, fleeting, even "ephemeral" thing; one that happens in various ways, shapes and forms with various people that come into and then (in one way or another, eventually, inevitably) pass out of your life; or even if they remain that "connection" nevertheless gets broken or becomes limited.

Even while there ARE people who manage to "find someone" and who -- for a while, and possibly a long while, even many years -- achieve a certain level of "connection" and "sharing"... well nonetheless that relationship WILL eventually reach a point where there will be either nothing left to say & share that is new, or perhaps more correctly nothing more left that you are willing to risk saying or sharing, and so the sense of that "connection" will dissipate or at least diminish.

Because the cold hard reality is that "sharing" the inner thoughts, etc makes us vulnerable (permanently) -- and as anyone who has lived long & wide enough is aware; rare as a person who you can "share" a certain amount of such things with is, even rarer still is the individual who will not (at some point in time) turn those things around on us as a sort of "weapon"...

And the reason they do so... is almost fundamentally irrelevant to how the betrayal "feels" and what its "chilling effect" on that relationship will be from that point on; the cause may be some trivial thing that someone else has said or done, it may be problems in that persons life (which again is NOT and never will be perfectly "in sync" with your own); it may be some inner "paranoid" fear that is inside them relative to something that happened in their deep guarded past, or some expectation of life that hasn't been met; or it may simply be some "defense" mechanism that they use to avoid feeling vulnerable or being "betrayed" themselves. (That "deep sharing" is a double-edged sword... we ourselves can -- even inadvertently and unaware of the harm we are doing, and with no evil intent, in fact often with the opposite, an intent to grow closer & share more -- nevertheless turn something that was shared with us around in a way that harms them; or at least which they perceive us as doing to harm them.)

So... to your point:

I don’t have a lot of friends. Friends are hard to have. Everything can easily become about money and I hate that. The point of all that hard work, failure, and successes was to never have to worry or talk about it again. So I must ask you other financially free and female free MGTOW guys… Where do I go from here?

Actually, "friends" are very EASY to have or to make.

What is difficult, in many ways nearly impossible, is to KEEP "friends" and more correctly to have deep friendships and then to have them continue to deepen and strengthen over any LONG period of time.

As I noted above... certain "limits" get reached; it's like reading a good book or taking a trip or journey... enjoyable while it lasts, but eventually, and sort of by it's very nature, it must progress to an end. And backtracking, doing the same journey or taking the same trip, or reading the same book over again from the beginning, or even it bits and pieces, while also sometimes enjoyable -- is actually a different thing, it is more of a sort of "nostalgia"; because once read, we'll really never (almost by definition virtually cannot) experience that book in the same fashion that we did on the first read through, there may be pleasure in it, but it will be from a slightly different perspective; and likewise with trips and paths... once trodden, no journey will ever be quite the same on a subsequent tread.

Moreover, I think a lot of what we engage in -- in terms of expectations for relationships -- is a distorted, even sort of "warped" and mistaken nostalgic perspective: the "Stand By Me" phenom of our old childhood or school friends for example.

But, how long did those friendships REALLY "endure"? It seemed -- at the time -- to be REALLY long, but of course to a 7 or 8 year old kid, or even a 10 to 12 year old, with only at most a handful of years of "awareness" that he can recall, a YEAR is (understandably) "a REALLY long time"... to a 30 year old it is not (and someone we have known for a year is a "new friend" rather than an "old friend"), and to a 50+ year old (trust me) it's another thing entirely, someone you've known for a year is someone you have "just barely met."

The same is sort of true of the DEPTH of those early friendships -- we may have THOUGHT they were "deep" -- but in many ways they weren't; they only seemed to be deep because we ourselves were still relatively simple (and without any derogatory meaning: rather "shallow") creatures... there really probably wasn't all that much "depth" to explore OR share. But as we age, we accumulate a lot of "mileage" so to speak, our experience of life has grown, and we have grown more complex and in one way or another a lot "deeper" -- so just as our view of time has changed, so does our view of what constitutes the depth of our sharing/connection with others, and our expectation of what constitutes a "deep" friendship. (Sharing lunch side by side, perhaps working on some ridiculously lame school project together, or playing a couple of games or sharing some sporting event together, possibly trading some trivial possessions -- these were things that as children seemed somewhat profound. As adults, they're a lot LESS profound: some coworker or colleague we share a few lunches with, possibly even attend some event together, well we're "friendly" with them, but they are "acquaintances" and only potential friends.)

Finally our "perspective" on the world changes -- from an entirely open, unlimited, even seemingly almost infinite potential future -- well as we grow, we learn that there ARE limits, we MAY be able to "fly" but it will not be as some "Superman"; it will not be "free as a bird".. but will require effort and planning, and probably sacrifice: if only in terms of time (to say nothing of money/resources) ... the time spent learning to fly is time NOT spent kayaking, or woodworking, or dancing, or attending ball games, or whatever etc.

So my answer is that you need to [metaphorically if not literally] keep reading books. They won't all be GREAT experiences, and -- given your older, more adult & complex view of the world -- probably they won't be as "eye opening" of an experience... but the only way you'll stumble across some new "favorite" story, some "gem" that is prized... is to keep reading more books & stories & authors that are NEW to you.

And you should keep taking trips & making journeys -- savoring the bits of the experience along the way -- even though with your wider knowledge and adult "planning" perspective, there isn't likely to be the same kind of "wonder" you had as a child when the world was "uncharted territory" (with the scary-but-thrilling enticing bait of the "Here Be Dragons" note on the margins), because you are NOT so ignorant or naive any longer.

And likewise with friends... you have to keep making NEW acquaintances -- and learning to ENJOY those interactions, even with the understanding that MOST of them will probably never be anything like as "deep" as your far more complex adult mind may desire; and that they are moreover, HIGHLY UNLIKELY to remain for the "long term" in the perspective of time that you now have as an adult. As a kid, having someone who would likely be your friend "all through high school" was something to look forward to, and which in hindsight we cherish. Would your perspective be the same now? If say someone could be your "friend" for the next 4 years... would you consider that a LONG friendship? Or an ephemeral one? If you looked back on someone who WAS a friend for "just a few years" as an adult, would you cherish that time & friendship in the same way?

Really... it's up to US how WE choose to view it.

Hope that helps,

Cheers!

ky_windage · 2015-10-20T08:23:52+00:00

I'm gonna start by addressing the nagging selfishness you mentioned. I paid the retainer for a local lawyer and scheduled a lunch meeting to give him my background (so I could have him on speed dial and not get a 'who the hell are you' response on a really bad day). I'd shoot the breeze for a bit and pick his brain about local prenup court cases and contract limitations surrounding prenups. Bar none, that is your starting point. Corporate vale is your friend, my friend. We all know women change when they can profit from manipulation (shit tests) and the real manipulating starts when she gets a ring. My best friend found a NAWALT and not 2 weeks into their marriage she's already making 'light-hearted' ultimatum style jokes about his mustache and clothes.

As far as passing wisdom, personally, I belong to a very tight knit church (Eastern Orthodox) and they believe if you don't have children by being baren or monastic tonture, there is plenty of work to do and spiritual children to guide. I'm also a history nerd so I can hop a plane anywhere in the world and there'll be some form of old church or monastery to visit.

My local cigar bar or [skeet] shooting range is where I'd start looking if I needed to find more men like myself.

Title	A day in the life of - MGTOW Entrepreneur
Author	failureisntfinal
Upvotes	15
Comments	8
Date	October 20, 2015 6:15 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/3pgjid/a_day_in_the_life_of_mgtow_entrepreneur/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW/a-day-in-the-life-of-mgtow-entrepreneur.640729 https://theredarchive.com/post/640729

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