Background M40 married to F40, with a 13F child. Been Married 15 yeas, been living in WA state for 7 years. My wife and I are getting divorced and in short I want out of the relationship as soon and as cheaply as possible. About ten years ago, my wife was financially out of control, could not even have conversation about finances without being abusive and took a lot fo money out of a savings account because she was out of control credit card spending. We both worked. I separated our finances and told her I was paying all the bills - montage, cars, insurances, cellphone, utilities, groceries - and from there she could do what ever she wanted with her paycheck. I told her every finance discussion led to a fight so i was talking the fight off the table until she could contribute and grow up.

The growing up never happened. Ive paid for 4 vacations to Hawaii in the last 8 years, We had a blow out fight 12 months where she was dreaming in my face and telling me was a loser. I'd had enough and told her id had enough of the financial, emotion and yes even physical abuse and I am done with her - I want a divorce. Not really all that surprised but she had what is probably one of 20 emotional breakdowns since I have known her - acting like she is a victim is what she does best....its like she live in a parallel universe where only bad things happen to her, but nothing is ever her fault. Ive tried to tall her she needs to rethink the way she treated me to no avail, its not even worth brining up ever again. Im somewhat convinced she has a personality disorder at this point. Before anyone says oh go see a doctor...we did that a few times and she has been on a few different drugs for depression, ADD, anxiety, and general cuntyness.

Update to near time now...I bought a new house a few years ago with an 80K down payment, sold it and had 250K in hand. She bought a property with a house she wanted on a loan in her name only using all of the 250K This was done with my permission because I want my daughter to have the same lifestyle she has enjoyed form a dual income family. This was after the blow out leading to the divorce.

Divorce is not final, but we have a verbal agreement. She keep the house and all equity. Im not seeking money from her 401k which is higher than mine because I paid the bills. She makes $15K more a year in salary than I do. Ive told her Im not paying her alimony because its stupid. Ive said I am willing to pay an equal share of our daughters needs or whatever the state of WA determines is my responsibility.

So...she has free legal services at work and said she would have them draw up a divorce contract. That has not happened in the last 100 or so days so I have contracted an attorney to take care of a uncontested divorce.

I have 25K in a savings account. I dont care about her getting a lot of money, its got a purpose for my kid and I can always make more. My goal is to get a nice apartment so I can have equal time with my daughter. She has recently shared with me that her mom is really unpleasant and its effecting her....I want to be in a position to let her decide if she wants to live with me full time at the right age....not sure if that is 16?

WA state divorce court is notorious for treating men like second class citizens that have to support ex-wives even if you are fleeing an abusive relationship. What am I exposed to? Will a judge tell me that its my fault my wife has a mortgage? Do I need to document financial abuse as a backup plan?