If he was ever unfaithful to you - you need to leave and never turn back. It’s not that once a cheater always a cheater - it’s that you’ll never respect them the same again. And no, the disgust you feel for him despite loving him will never, ever go away.

Or try to “work it out with them” and watch yourself slowly turn into a shell of a person - shadow of who you used to be.

When I mean cheating I mean any and all of it. From flirting with other women to “one drunken night” to full blown affairs.

I realized that staying with a cheater, while THEY may convince you is the “empathetic” or “mature” choice, is really the path of least resistance when it comes to heart break for both parties. Forgiving a cheater allows men to excuse that behavior and minimize their actions. If it was really that bad, she would have dumped me. Over time becomes if she had self respect, she would have dumped me... On the other hand, forgiving the cheater allows the woman to avoid the devastation of a full on heartbreak. Getting cheated on is unreasonably soul crushing, but losing your best friend and lover at the same time seems unbearable to most. Of course we avoid it, but to those who broke up after the first time, how many kept in touch months or even years after? Even still, staying with a cheater is a trap when the respect is gone. The love will corrode. Everything you disliked about him will be illuminated. Before you know it love becomes codependency and you become prisoner to him. Sadly this usually only becomes clear when they’re caught cheating again.

Whether or not he’s still cheating on you at any precise moment becomes suspect and ultimately irrelevant - because YOUR respect for him is gone. And women NEED to respect their partners in order fully love them. Well I know I do.

Taking cheaters back is a temporary bandaid on a gaping wound of a problem. And yes - men love to cheat in perfectly healthy relationships. This may be the first problem you deal with as a couple, but let it be the last. The days where he is kissing your ass and begging for your love are limited. Before you know it you’re back together, fuming because you caught him flirting with or checking out another girl months later, but you can’t say shit cause “bringing up the past causes unnecessary drama” and through his cheating you learned “all men look, we can’t control it” even though he had perfect self control when the relationship was on the line. But by the time you catch him slip up again you’ve invested another half a year into a 3 year relationship that turns to 6 years to 7 and so on. Again, the sunk cost fallacy and your fear of being alone becomes the only things keeping you together.

It took quarantine for me to realize my relationship was over 2 years before it ended.

But I’m grateful everyday I got out. Because the women I know that recovered the poorest from a break up, were the ones who kept taking their LVM back until HE ultimately broke up with her for someone else. For any ladies that experience this, I’m so sorry. The pain for them doesn’t even come from the betrayal, but from the self hatred that forms when you kept going back (please forgive and love yourself if you’re doing this to yourself!! The BEST teacher is experience. Exhibit A: this post is a result of my own failures and experiences).

It’s better to break up right away and struggle with the fact that the man you love cheated, than to hold on for dear life until he’s stripped you of your self esteem and personhood. I’d tell men to do the same if the roles were reversed.

Cheating of any kind means you’re not ready for a monogamous relationship, even if you think you are. I’m tired of rewarding cheaters with sex and attention all in the name of “forgiveness.”