I dislike this sub a lot, but they do point out a good thing here. Don’t let your table look like that bro! If it’s broken, then work on fixing it right now!

DangZagnut · 2020-04-18T06:43:40+00:00

It's true, if this was at my place it would be cleaned up. You buy a new one for less than $200. Or build one. Who cares.

Let me ask the CSI:SVU people about the crime scene.

"Whatcha got about this table Phil?"

"If you look at the wood, it is weathered, rotted, and browned by the elements"

"Sure."

"But if you look at the breaks, you see they're light, inner wood, and unaffected by the elements."

"So what are you telling me Phil?"

"The person who took the picture probably broke the table, it's obviously recent breaks unweathered, and intentional based on the strike pattern."

"We saw this posted over on FDS...."

"Gee, way to really bury the lead. In that case this is obvious. Fat Karen was mad at her boyfriend for drinking water or something, then came and hoisted her heavy ass on it to collapse and destroy it out of revenge, you can see the ass pattern where she backed up into it. Did any neighbors recall hearing a beeping noise that she made?"

"Sorry, you know we have to be objective. Neighbors thought their smoke detector was low battery. If I had just said someone from FDS was involved, you would just jump to some ugly fat fuck complaining about her man and destroying personal property because she's a fat fucking pig, and we need to have something for the prosecutor to go on."

"Makes sense. Most likely her name is Karen, and her blood sugar is most likely higher than 1200, and makes a wheezing noise like a bull elephant, and will have the DNA of several types of cheesecake on her lips if you can get a sample."

Ba dum...da da da da dum....

Comments