http://np.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1lslsx/my_27f_husband_25m_doesnt_introspect_or_reflect/

Maybe there's hope for some of those guys yet.

I have never felt completely, 100% connected to or bonded with my husband. And I've spent a lot of time wondering why.

He values action, learning, and creativity, and is much more intelligent than he gives himself credit for. He likes to listen to/judge/unravel/help solve other peoples' issues, but not his own. In contrast, I am constantly introspecting and identifying my own faults/issues.

I broached the subject last night with a pretty generic question: "what do you consider your faults to be?" This is something I ask myself all the time.

He first replied by saying he doesn't like thinking that way, and that he doesn't see the value in thinking that way. He offered that one of his weaknesses is math, and I said i meant personal faults. He responded that he doesn't like the word faults, it implies something that can't be overcome, and he doesn't like dwelling on his weaknesses anyway.

He was clearly unhappy with the conversation. He looked annoyed, like what the hell is this you're bringing up. Feeling rejected, I said "sometimes I find you hard to relate to, because you don't introspect."

He has had a complicated past, and a lot of unresolved emotional issues (which, over the course of our relationship, time and personal success has largely healed). I've learned that he has no desire to discuss his emotional past, to work through his various resentments and feelings. I think a lot, my favorite activity is to think, I'm thinking and reflecting constantly, so I feel a huge disconnect as a result. I'm left thinking about his past myself, and coming up with my own theories, and I wish more than anything that he would speak openly about his past, his faults, and his person. I wish he would see the value in doing so and that identifying and knowing your faults is a strength.

I'm concerned that if I express this, he will say I'm trying to change him, or will get annoyed, ask what's the point, that's not who he is.

Is he right? Is this an unfair expectation? All of my close friends, the only people I have ever felt close to, self reflect on their own and with me. I've known them deeply, all of their faults. I feel sometimes like my relationship with my husband is one-sided because he knows my faults, but won't reveal his to me (although, of course, I see them manifest from time to time. But he would deny they exist in a heartbeat).

Just need some outside perspective. The fact that I don't feel fully connected to my husband makes me feel lonely even when I'm with him, sometimes. I just feel like I don't know him intimately, that there are still closed doors. And I can't respect the fact that he is in many ways in denial of his own faults, by not seeking and acknowledging them.

I don't think it's a game breaker. But in the long term, maybe. He can tell I am not 100% deeply in love, and it bothers him, because he is that deeply in love with me.. And this is why, this is the 1% holding me back.

tl;dr: my husband doesn't introspect/self reflect. He won't discuss his emotional issues or past, much less acknowledge they exist- he would prefer to ignore them, let the past be the past, and not see the value in reflecting on them. This is exactly counter to the way I think. The consequence is that I don't feel completely connected to him. Is it unreasonable of me to ask him to learn how to self reflect?