I’m a 22 year old male and I’m trying to find a guide or a path to change my mindset when it comes to women. I myself struggle heavily with the flight or fight response that kicks in when something intimate happens, unless I’m drunk, or if the girl does whatever by herself, however I want to be the one that takes the first step, not the one that waits to get something (90% of the time, this doesn’t get you anything). I have never been in a relationship even though I’ve had many chances, but I always seem to fucking it up because of my brain letting me feel anxiety where I just can’t think straight anymore and become harder to talk with, this mainly applies to speaking to women irl. If she’s ugly or not my type I usually don’t care as much as if it’s a more attractive girl. That’s where I freeze up and can only make small talks.

I just don’t know what to do to change my mentality into not giving a fuck and trying to take/enjoy whatever I can. I’ve had so many chances to do more than I currently have but my pussy mentality kicks in when the chance is there and I’d rather feel safe and comfortable at home, again trigged by the fight or flight response, the usual answer is to flee asap. I find it hard to take steps, being the alpha. I know I have the looks but it’s really the mentality that’s necking it for me. Most of the time I never gave a fuck because not having to feel the anxiety is better than feeling it and trying to talk and make sense, I just freeze up and become a stale as fuck person. I don’t know what to say or talk about in order to build up (sexual) energy. Some of my friends are clearly more alpha and I just see where I go wrong on my side. They don’t care about it at all, they enjoy the moment, doesn’t matter who’s around them. They take steps first (i.e. talking, kissing, taking them outside to have a private convo etc,) while I only talk when it suits me, but the talks don’t end up giving me shit. I also seem to care a little too much sometimes, I come from a family of two sisters, and anxiety runs through the genes of my dad. I’m a thinker and not a do-er which is probably the main reason where the anxiety comes from.

Honestly I just want to start to change myself, from going from a kind of introverted person to a talkative, more alpha person that takes the first steps, and it doesn’t always have to be women related, it’s just the mindset in general. Being less of a pussy/beta and more of a man that just doesn’t bother about stuff. I start to realize that at this pace I’ll never end up in a relationship and I’ll never enjoy these younger years to the fullest if I pussy out everytime something out of my comfort zone happens. I don’t know where to start. I’ve read the sidebar tips but I’m looking for people that struggled with the same problems as me and have become succesfull into fully changing their mindset/personality.