Normally I just do what my instincts tell me but... because of one specific event of me trying to hookup with an old friend that didn’t really work out I get hesitant when I’m in a similar situation.

I’m gonna get with this other girl who I am friends with but this one actually used to like me. We’re hanging soon but I kinda feel it won’t work out just like it DIDNT with the other girl.

To me it feels like two different situations. So I feel like I’ll be fine as long I just escalate like normal and feel the vibe.

Also when I got rejected with the first girl I was taking a chance but looking back I could’ve gotten laid but I just submitted to her frame and called it a night which I regret. Looking back now she was just sitting on my bed like “you really thought we were gonna hook up?” Well smiling with a wide ass grin and I said yeah tbh. Then she said no and kinda laughed, i listened to her words and not her actions... not saying she wasn’t telling the truth but she was still sitting in my bed and not trying to leave. Who knows what would’ve happened if I just didn’t let it affect me and just continued to enjoy my night instead of ruining it. On the surface I was making it look like I’m being a man with boundaries “if you declined to hookup with me your out of the house!!!” But if I was just ok with that 1. Something might’ve ended up happening. 2. If not we would still be friends. ( well I really don’t know if we are or not. She deleted me on some social media’s but not others, so maybe she feels I rejected her?) 3. It Atleast would’ve been congruent with how I felt. I was ok with the fact I was shot down but I thought I had to do something about it to like show her I mean business or something.. idk

Anyways with this first girl I felt defeated and was like alright I’ve tried enough and pretty much said I didn’t wanna finish the movie and I’m gonna go play some games. Then I ignored all the signs she gave me after that like “oh if you do that. You’ll be up all night” she pretty much went all submissive and gave me Multiple signs of wanting to stay. Looking back I thought it was dead but I think I was right about to get through and get some action. But because I thought I had to be a man and call it a night.... all that did was show that I’m butthurt when I really wasn’t. I said she can head home. I wasn’t rude but man we literally haven’t talked since then.

Idk if it’s a oneitis? but I’m more so just upset at my behavior because how I acted wasn’t me especially at the end I thought I had to be some strong TRP dude and tell her to go home. I felt like I was too harsh and sometimes I wish we were still friends. Not even to get with her tbh but we would actually go out and do fun shit and I miss that group of people we would hang with.

TLDR: how can I escalate without pushing her away?

Also how should I deal with this previous girl who I tried to hookup with a while back and was really good friends with? I feel we could’ve stayed friends but I ended it kinda rudely. How I ended it wasn’t genuine I just thought it was the right thing to do after I believed I was rejected. Part of me wants to reach out but I also don’t want to act or look weak and reach out to her.