Hate me for asking, fine. It'll bring me - and you - nothing at all.

I gave myself a drunk little speech earlier. I told the air that I spoke to that my love for this person has been, and always will be, unconditional. Because it was since I was with her.

I told the invisible crowd "Why can't you have loved how I loved - hand in hand - walking through life until the end. Though without trust, I take my hand away and take distance. In that, there is no love for I don't trust. "What if" was the problem and I couldn't stop asking myself all these doubtful questions. I must let you go and be happy."

But I can't let go.

Every fucked up thing thats happened between us - me getting emotional - angry and sad - and her fucking many other people while chasing me around after we split trying to make me love her - is only something I try to downplay.

Like it doesn't matter.

Say what you will at me but I cannot let go. Repetitively Ive gone months without thinking about her, but suddenly the thoughts, memories, and emotions will flood back. It keeps me up at night.

She deserves my hate. Why can't I move on?