At the end of last year, I evaluated all of my dating experiences for the previous 12 months, and used that to develop a list of concrete boundaries and expectations for myself moving forward. While I feel better about 2020's experiences thus far, I have had some slip-ups that left me beating myself up and "vowing to do better next time". The first 2 men I've met since I got back into post-quarantine dating (last month) have been slip-ups, leaving me beating myself up about not being able to fully acknowledge the glaring issues while I was getting to know these men. I was able to see the issues but passed them off as OK, telling myself "well, it's not that big of a deal". Putting my standards and myself second to the idea of some man who was NOT worth my time.
This afternoon I've been ruminating my failures, and laid down for a quick nap to get my mind of things. As I was falling to sleep I had this great epiphany. I'm likely not the first to think of this, but it struck me as such a different mindset I thought I'd share and maybe try to spark a conversation here. This community is a great place where members cheer/console/celebrate each other. But how can we take that a step further to positively and tangibly celebrate *ourselves* when we stick to our boundaries?
For example: Let's say one of my boundaries is "addressing inappropriate behavior immediately". Instead of beating myself up when I don't do that, I decide to treat myself to a bubble bath and movie night whenever I DO enforce the boundary? Another idea is to create some sort of point system to assign each boundary, and a points value to tangible treats for yourself. I know this sounds very grade-schoolish, but not everyone is as good at developing positive dating habits and I think could use a novel approach to making changes.
I think by attaching positive reinforcement, in addition to developing better habits it might help us to more fully realize our worth.
Thoughts?
